


Carla: Descent

by slaysvamps



Series: Carla Cordelone Chronicles [1]
Category: World of Darkness (Games)
Genre: F/M, Mafia (White Wolf), Mage: The Ascension - Freeform, Vampire: The Masquerade - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-10 22:34:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 43
Words: 87,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20143081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slaysvamps/pseuds/slaysvamps
Summary: I came to Vegas believing that I would find a family I had never known, that they would welcome me with open arms, and that I would know love again. I was only 22 that morning as I drove through the glamorous streets in search of a reasonably priced hotel, naïve and vulnerable in ways I didn’t understand until it was much too late. The city’s glittering lights hid a darkness that I could not yet see. The wealth of her casinos hid a subculture of hideous monsters both human and inhuman.My mother had died only weeks before, and until her death I’d believed I had no other family. She’d told me that my father had been an orphan who had died before I was born, and her relations had passed on long before. It wasn’t until I went through her things that I found the two neatly tied bundles of letters kept in a hat box on the top shelf of her closet; letters that made me think for the first time in my life that my mother was a liar. Those letters led me to Las Vegas, the Great Shinning Lie.





	1. Searching for Answers

**Author's Note:**

> Please note: Carla and Nick's relationship is not healthy, in fact, it walks the line between dubious consent and non-consent. If that type of thing bothers you, please read one of my other stories.

_Life is either a daring adventure or Nothing._  
_ Helen Keller_

INSTEAD OF GOING back to Los Angeles and a hopeless acting career after my mother’s funeral, I decided to go to Vegas and do what I’d always wanted to do; communicate. I was born with a gift for languages and a thirst for them that my mother had never understood. Understand it or not, she’d fed my need, first by teaching me Italian herself, then by making friends from many cultures so that I could pick up their languages. In college I majored in linguistics, but there were times that I learned more Korean from my friends than I did from the instructors. By the time I rolled into Vegas I was fluent in eight languages and could squeak by in nearly half a dozen more.

I found a hotel and a phone book and wasted no time in finding a phone number for Donna Matthews, a woman my mother had written to more than a dozen times the year I was born, and nearly as many more over the next five years. Mom had never talked about Las Vegas; she said that thinking about her life there led to memories of my father and that hurt her too much.

Mom had talked about Donna a few times over the years, and I had an idea that my mother had kept in contact with the woman, but there was no way for me to know for sure unless I asked Donna herself, and I planned on asking as soon as I could.

Donna hadn’t heard about mom’s death, and it was hard telling her over the phone, especially when she started crying. When she asked how mom had died, I had to explain about the car accident that had taken my mother’s life. Once Donna calmed down, she invited me over for tea. In less than an hour I was pulling into her driveway and parking beside her older model sedan in front of a small house not too far from downtown.

I walked up to the small front porch with its comfortable looking table and chairs. A beautiful woman answered the door and gasped when she saw me. “You must be Annemarie’s daughter,” she said breathlessly. “You look just like her. Come in, come in.”

“Thank you, Ms. Matthews.” I recognized her as well from pictures my mom had kept of her life in Vegas. Donna and mom had been dancers, and from the looks of things Donna still was.

“Donna, please,” she said as she showed me into the living room where she had a tray of iced tea waiting. The house was tastefully decorated, not too ritzy or anything but there was quite a lot of Elvis memorabilia laying around. “Would you like sugar?” she asked as she poured the tea.

“No, thank you.” I sat the bundles of letters down on a table close to my chair. “Mom said that you were a friend, a good friend, when she lived in Vegas.”

She handed me a glass with a smile. “Your mom was my best friend. I was so lost when she left.”

“Why did she leave Las Vegas? I mean, there’s some stuff in the letters, but I really don’t understand.”

Her eyes moved to the stack of letters, and I could see in her eyes that she recognized some of them as the ones she had sent to my mother.

“What did your mom tell you about your father?” she asked quietly, reaching out to touch the top letter in the stack.

“She only told me that he died before I was born,” I replied. “She wouldn’t talk about him at all. Did you know him?”

She nodded as she sat her glass on the tray. “I knew your father. He died a few years ago though honey, not before you were born.”

“Who told her he was dead?”

“I did,” she sighed sadly. “I called her as soon as I read about it in the papers.”

I looked down at my hands to try and hide the frown on my face. “Why would she tell me that he died before I was born?”

She bit her lower lip and reached over to take my hand in hers. “I tried to tell Annemarie that she needed to be honest with you, but I could never quite convince her.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “Carla, your mom told you your father was dead because she had committed a mortal sin in her own mind. Your father was a married man that she had an affair with.”

Her words rocked my world to the core, and I found that I couldn’t speak. The idea that mom would have had done as she said was nearly inconceivable.

She turned more toward me and took my hand in both of hers. “She loved him so much, Carla. She hoped that he would leave his wife, but like your mom he was a strict Catholic and that just wasn’t an option for him. In the back of her mind your mom knew, I think, that Carlo wouldn’t leave his wife and young son and that’s why she ran away to California.”

“I don’t understand. Why would she do that? Why did she lie to me?” I tried to blink past the tears in my eyes, but it was a loosing battle.

Donna pulled me into her arms. “Oh, honey. Your mom didn’t want you to be hurt by the situation. She thought that if she kept it from you that you would never find out and be ashamed of her. She loved you more than anything and just wanted to protect you.”

“Protect me from what?” I gasped, pulling back from her. “My father? But why?”

“From the stigma that might fall on you if anyone found out you were a child born out of wedlock,” she explained softly. “As you know, your grandparents died when she was young and she was raised by her aunt, who was nothing better than an idiot clouded by the laws of the Church.” She stood up and walked over to the window, obviously thinking about what she was going to say next. “Your mom was a wonderful dancer and that was a real point of contention between her and her aunt, but Annemarie always promised that she wasn’t doing anything wrong, at least not until she met your father. They were a beautiful couple. Your father was the first man she ever loved. The first man she was ever with, the only man as far as I know.”

She turned to look at me from across the room. “She was practically brainwashed by the dogma of the church until she found out she was pregnant. Then she was determined to not let you be affected like she had been. It was like a light went on inside her.”

I knew there must be more to the story, but I was having a hard time processing what she had already told me. “Didn’t he wonder about me? Did my father even know she was pregnant?”

“Your father never knew about you,” she said sadly. “I’m sure you read the letters that I passed along for him. He wanted your mother back, but she was worried about her baby. The seventies might have been a time of freedom, but she didn’t want you labeled a bastard. She didn’t want to put you through that. Carlo’s family is very powerful in Las Vegas.”

The news of more family made me even more stunned. “His family is still here? Wait, did you say he had a son? I have a brother?”

Donna came back to sit down next to me and laid an understanding hand on my shoulder. “Yes, you have a brother. Cross is two years older than you are.”

“Cross?” The name seemed strange, but perhaps it was a family name. “Does he still live here in Vegas?”

“Crusificio,” she clarified with a nod. “He is in charge of the business now that Carlo has passed.”

That made more sense, a good Italian name. “Crusificio.” After a moment I looked up at her. “My father is this Carlo the letters are from?”

“Yes dear, Carlo is your father, Carlo Cordelone.” She was silent for a moment before asking, “What do you plan to do now that your mother has passed?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I have her house on the market right now; I’ve been told it should sell quickly. I was going to school in LA, but things weren’t working out well there for me, so I was hoping that I could find my father’s family. I’d thought about settling in Vegas, but now I’m not so sure.”

She took my face gently into her hands. “I loved your mother like a sister, but I never agreed with her keeping the truth from you. She’s told me of your accomplishments and your failures, so I think I know enough about you to know that you won’t feel whole until you’ve at least met them. I can arrange for you to meet Cross, if you want to meet him.”

I’d gone from having no family at all to having a brother. Of course, I wanted to meet him. “I would like that, Donna. I would like that very much.”

After promising to do what she could, Donna offered to let me stay with her until I could find a more permanent place to live, but I told her it wasn’t necessary. She took the name of the hotel so she could contact me after she talked to Cross and we went on to talk about what she remembered of my mother.

In a lot of ways Donna reminded me of my mother. The biggest difference was that Donna was much more relaxed than mom ever thought of being. She did still dance at one of the larger casinos, and though she claimed that it wasn’t a spectacular show, it paid the bills. She offered to get me in free, and since I had no other plans, I agreed to meet her at the Flamingo later that night.


	2. The Excalibur

_There is not enough magic in a bloodline to forge an instant, irrevocable bond._   
_ James Earl Jones_

IF I WAS going to stay in Vegas, I needed a job. There were tons of jobs available, everything from dancer to waitress to dealer. At the bottom of one of the many pages of help wanted ads I found a casino that was looking for a translator to help with their foreign guests. When I called and listed the languages I spoke, the woman asked me to bring my resume over. I changed my clothes and headed to the Excalibur.

I had to ask for directions at the desk in the lobby of the casino. The receptionist was kind enough to give me a map so I wouldn’t get lost. It took me a little bit of time to wind my way through the crowded floor, but eventually I found the offices.

As I closed the door behind me, a woman sitting at a desk looked at me expectantly. It turned out that she was the woman I’d spoken to on the phone, and as she looked over my resume, she said “I told Mr. Cordelone about your call and he specifically hung around to meet you.” She looked up at me with a smile. “Have a seat and I’ll see if he still wants to talk to you.”

My returning smile was a little nervous. “Would that be Crusificio Cordelone?”

She looked at me strangely. “No, _that_ Mr. Cordelone is out of town until next week. Bernardo is his uncle.”

I thanked her and went to find a seat as I tried not to feel let down. The woman disappeared down a short hallway and I heard her knock, then a door open. After some muffled conversation she came back and told me with a smile that Mr. Cordelone would see me.

I followed her down the hall and went through the doorway she indicated. The office was a nice one, with various scenic vacation pictures on the walls. Bernardo Cordelone was standing behind his desk, looking over my resume. He was an older man with dark graying hair, dressed in a well tailored gray suit with a yellow tie. He looked up from the papers in his hands and said, “Miss Blair, pleasure to meet you. Please, have a seat.”

I sat in the chair he’d motioned toward. “Thank you, Mr. Cordelone. I appreciate you taking the time to meet with me on such short notice.”

He sat down as well. “This list of languages is quite impressive. Japanese would be a plus for this job and so would the Mandarin since we’ve starting to tap into that area as well.” He looked up at you. “The address is California. Do you want to relocate?”

“Actually, yes,” I told him with a smile. “My mother recently passed away and I have no reason to stay in California. I’m staying at a hotel here in town until I find a job, then I’ll be looking for somewhere more permanent to stay.”

He nodded and looked down at the resumé again. “Spanish, Japanese, Mandarin Chinese, Italian, German, Korean, Arabic, and Russian. Are you fluent in each of these languages?”

“Most of them,” I admitted. “I’m a little rusty in Russian, but I’m sure with a little practice it will come back to me. In LA I practiced with friends to keep fluent in most of the others, and I practiced Italian with my mother.” After a moment’s hesitation, I added, “I know a few phrases in some languages I didn’t list there, but not really enough to follow conversations.”

“Your family is Italian?” he asked in that language.

This man was probably related to my father, but I sure as hell didn’t want to say anything until I made sure. I tried not to feel uncomfortable at the question as I answered in Italian. “My grandmother was from Italy. She taught my mother the language, and my mother passed it down to me. I believe my father’s family may have been from the old country as well.”

He seemed pleased with my grasp of the language. “I’m going to recommend to personnel that you go through the regular interviewing process. Is there a number where you can be reached?” he asked in English.

I gave him the number of my hotel. “Thank you again for meeting with me today, Mr. Cordelone. Is there someone in personnel that I should call?”

He shook his head. “No, someone will contact you. They will have to set up a time and such. You can start right away, right?” he asked with a smile as he stood and came around the desk. He leaned his hip against it and looked down at me.

“Yes, I can.” I tried not to let him intimidate me. “Perhaps you could recommend a few neighborhoods where I could look for housing?”

He smiled at me suggestively. “I’m sure I can come up with something.” He leaned forward a little, making his wedding ring shine in the lamp light. “Maybe we could have dinner sometime.”

“As much as I would like that, Mr. Cordelone, I make it a point not to mix business with pleasure,” I said with as pleasant a smile as I could manage. He could be my uncle and here he was coming on to me. “I think I’d be more valuable to you as an employee than a dinner date.”

He seemed disappointed, but not for long. “Well Miss Blair, I’ll talk to personnel and someone will contact you for an interview. Thank you for coming in.” He straightened and held his hand out to me.

I stood and shook his hand. “Thank you for being so understanding. I look forward to hearing from your personnel department.”

He walked me to the office door. “It was nice to meet you. Best of luck to you.”

I thanked him and got out of there as fast as I could without looking like I was fleeing. Aside from the fact he might be a blood relation, it was inexcusable for a married man to act that way. A shower at least made me feel clean again, and within an hour of getting back to the hotel I was ready to leave. I headed out with a list of apartment addresses from the paper. I also had the only Cordelone address I could find in the phone book.

T. Cordelone lived in a house that looked more like an armed compound then a residential home. A tall fence surrounded the property, and a heavy gate barred entrance from the road. I could see a handful of guards on the property, and an expensive Mercedes parked in the drive. While I really liked the neighborhood, I knew I could never afford anything there. I drove past the other addresses on my list but didn’t really find anything I liked.

Once I got to the Flamingo, I made a quick call from a pay phone to my hotel for my messages, and I was glad I had. Bernardo’s secretary had left a message letting me know that I had a ten o’clock appointment at the Excalibur personnel office. Things were looking up.


	3. Chance Meeting

_And you see much better than I see_   
_And you know all that I’m thinking_   
_ Nickelback - Deep _

THE FLAMINGO WAS not quite as nice as the Excalibur, but it was still very popular. It was an older building, but clean and well laid out. I tried to take in as much as I could, thinking that if the job at the Excalibur didn’t work out, I could apply at this casino.

I had just recognized the spot where Donna had asked me to meet her when I was pushed from behind by someone in a very big hurry. I would have fallen but I was caught in a pair of strong arms. “I’m very sorry,” I said as I tried to regain my feet and looked up into a pair of dark eyes. “Someone was in a bit of a hurry.”

“That’s alright.” The man kept his arms around me until he was sure I could stand on my own. “You okay?” He was very handsome, tall with dark hair and an olive complexion.

“Yes, I’m fine,” I assured him as I took a step back. “Thank you for the catch, I hope you don’t have to save damsels in distress too often.”

He chuckled softly. “A good host takes care of his guests. Are you a guest here at the hotel?”

I gave him a second look as I wondered who he was. “No, a friend of mine is in the show tonight, she asked me to come by and see it. Do you work here or own the place?” I asked with a smile.

Still smiling, he offered me his hand. “I’m the owner, Cross Cordelone.”

I couldn’t stop the bark of laughter that broke my lips, but I stifled it quickly. Gathering myself, I smiled and shook his hand. “I’m pleased to meet you, Mr. Cordelone. I’m Carla Blair. I was under the impression that you were out of town for a few days.”

He gave me a strange look. “Do I know you? Did we have an appointment?”

“No, but I spoke with Bernardo Cordelone earlier this afternoon regarding a translator position at the Excalibur. I heard your name mentioned there, but it was said that you would be out of town until next week.” I smiled again, trying not to show him how nervous I was. “It’s quite a coincidence that I would run into you here, isn’t it?”

“That is a coincidence,” he replied with a laugh. “I was supposed to be out of town by things happened so I could return early. You said you were meeting a friend? Where?” When I told him, he began walking in that direction with me. “So, you’re applying for the translator position, huh? We’ve been looking for someone to fill that position for months.”

“I’m sure I can help you out with that, languages are a hobby of mine,” I told him. “I’m hoping to enroll in college here to continue learning. I haven’t quite gotten the hang of French yet, although everyone tells me it’s easier than Mandarin.”

He flashed me another bright charming smile. “Well, since I can’t speak either, you’re way ahead of me. You said you were meeting a friend?”

I got the feeling he was getting a little too friendly, and it made me wonder if all the Cordelones were so free with their hormones. I did my best to keep the conversation more casual. “Donna Matthews. She’s an old friend of my mother’s. I met her this afternoon; she thought I’d enjoy the show.”

“That’s funny,” he said, giving me another questioning look. “I just talked to Donna and a half an hour ago. She said that there was someone she wanted me to meet.” Giving me another warm smile, he added, “Must have been you.”

I tried to smile back, but I think I was too nervous to do it well. “It probably was. Did she say why she wanted you to meet me?”

He shook his head. “No, just that she wanted us to meet. We might as well get a jump on getting to know each other, where are you from?”

“I’m originally from Santa Rosa but I’ve spent the last few years in LA.” Thankfully we were very close to where I was supposed to be meeting Donna, and I looked around for her almost frantically.

He seemed genuinely interested in where I was from. “I’ve never heard of Santa Rosa. Is it close to LA?”

Thankfully I spotted Donna exiting a door near where she’d told me to meet her. I smiled in relief. “Actually, it’s closer to San Francisco. There’s Donna.”

Cross looked up just as Donna spotted us. She had her stage make up on, and her hair was pulled back into a bun near the top of her head, but she was still wearing street clothes. She smiled when she saw me, and a look of surprise crossed her face when she saw who I was with.

By the time we were close enough to speak she had a welcoming smile on her face for both of us. “Carla,” she said to me, “I see you’ve found Cross all on your own.”

He smiled. “Yeah, we have a hurried guest in the lobby to thank for that.” He leaned closer to kiss the air near her cheek, but not close enough to get any of her stage makeup on his face. She smiled and gave him a brief hug as he told her about the guy who had pushed me into him. As he straightened, he said, “So she is the person you said something about me meeting?”

She reached out and took my hand. “I was hoping this would happen after the show but now that the two of you have met.…” She glanced at Cross. “I have about a half an hour before I need to finish getting ready. Can we go to your office?”

Cross looked concerned and I felt nervous myself. I tried to smile, but I had butterflies eating my stomach, so I don’t think it was convincing.

“Sure,” he said slowly, clearly wondering what was going on. “Let’s go this way.” He led us into the back hallways of the casino and into a nice office that was so neat he probably didn’t use it very often. He invited us to sit on the couch while he sat in a nearby chair. “I get the feeling there is something going on here,” he said as he looked between the two of us.

I wasn’t sure what Donna was going to say, but I thought it best if I began. I looked down at my hands for a moment, then up at him. “My mother died a few weeks ago. When I was going through her things, I found letters from Donna, and from a man named Carlo. The letters had no address or last name, but Donna’s did, so I came looking for her, to find out what she knew of my mother before she moved to Santa Rosa.”

Cross frowned at the mention of his father’s name, and he looked to Donna for an explanation.

She seemed a little uncomfortable under his gaze but somehow managed to appear very calm and together. “Cross, I’ve known you most of your life and you know that I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you, right?”

His eyes narrowed slightly, and his jaw tightened. “I know that, Donna, but what the hell is going on? What does my father have to do with this girl?”

She reached out to take his hand. “Carla’s mother was my best friend. Years ago, when she still lived in town, we worked together here at the Flamingo. Annemarie came from a very strict Catholic upbringing and hadn’t had much freedom growing up. She met your dad and fell hard for him. This was after you were born, Cross. Even though they both knew it was wrong, they had an affair. Carlo was her first love.” She glanced over at me for a moment. “Her only love. When Annemarie found out she was pregnant she knew that she had to finally make the decision that would serve everyone in the best way, so she left town.” She looked back to Cross and said, “She never told your father that she was pregnant. He never knew. She told Carla that her father was dead, and it wasn’t until after her mother’s death that Carla even questioned who her father really was.”

“You’re telling me that she is my half sister?” he asked in a voice that matched the hard look in his eyes.

My face felt as if it was on fire, but I managed to meet his eyes. “I’m not sure I like this any better than you do, Mr. Cordelone. My whole life my mother told me my father was dead. I don’t like knowing that she lied to me.”

“Looks like we were both lied to.” He leaned forward and looked to Donna again. “Does my mother know about this?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. After Annemarie left town, Carlo came to me because he knew that I still would be in contact with her. For a while he begged me to send her his letters. I never told him where she was or if I even sent the letters for him. Eventually he stopped and began to center his life on you. You were all that ever mattered to him, Cross.”

Before he dropped his head, I could see sadness in his eyes. I knew that kind of sadness, the kind of pain that comes from losing a parent that you love. When he looked up at me a moment later the sadness had been replaced with ice. “What do you want from me?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted softly. “I’ve only had a few hours to adjust to this situation. My mother was the only family I ever had.” I took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. “I don’t want to cause problems, I know that much. I’ve lived without a family before.” The thing was that now I knew there was a possibility of a family I had never known, and it would be very hard for me to walk away from it. On the other hand, I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s life either. “Maybe you should think about it for a while and decide what you want from me.”

I tried not to feel uncomfortable under his searching gaze. I could almost hear the gears turning in his head as he sat back and propped his elbows on the arms of the chair with his fingers linked together. “I do want to speak with some members of my family so see if I can corroborate this story at all.” He looked at Donna. “I’m going to work under the assumption that my mother knows nothing.” When she nodded, he turned to me again. “Do you intend to stay in Vegas?”

“If I can,” I replied with a nod. “I like the city, and if I can find a job, I’ll be registering for the next semester at college here. If not, I’ll have to move on, unless my mother’s house sells quickly.”

“Seems like more of your future hinders on me then,” he said dryly, an edge to his voice. “Did you know about our family ties when you applied for the job?”

I met his gaze evenly, refusing to feel guilty because I had nothing to hide. “Yes, I did, however I had no idea that your family owned the Excalibur. I will of course be contacting your personnel department and withdrawing my application for employment.” I stood up, unable to bear this inquisition any longer. Regardless of my lack of guilt, I’d hoped for a warmer reception and here he was accusing me of... well, I wasn’t sure what, but I knew it wasn’t good. “I’m sure this has been a shock to you, Mr. Cordelone. I don’t blame you for not believing it because I’m not sure I believe it, but I will ask you to remember that it is no less of a shock to me.” I turned to Donna as I struggled to keep my composure. “I’m sorry, but I’m sure you’ll understand that I don’t feel up to watching the show tonight. Perhaps some other time?”

“Wait,” he urged as he got to his feet and grabbed my hand. “Jesus, give me a chance to fucking get my feet back under me, will you? I realize that this is a shock to you, but now I have to come to terms with the fact that my father wasn’t the man I thought he was.” He dropped my hand and stepped around the chair so that he was standing behind it looking at me. “My father—our father, if this is true, and I’m not doubting it is at this point—he was a man based on honor. Honor that said family comes first, that you protect your own.” He glanced over at Donna who looked nervous and not sure how to deal with the situation. “If he had an affair, then what does that say about the principles he raised me on?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly, still fighting the tears that threatened to make a fool of me. “I don’t know what it says about my mother either. She was a devout Catholic, Mr. Cordelone, and I’m certain she cared no less about honor than your father.”

He nodded, acknowledging my point. “I think that given the circumstances you can drop the Mr. Cordelone and call me Cross. As long as I can call you Carla?”

“Of course,” I said, averting my head to wipe away the tears that spilled from my eyes. “Now if you will excuse me, I really think I should go before I make a fool of myself.” I turned toward the door thinking only of escaping, of being alone for a good long cry.

I’d barely gotten past Cross when I felt his hand on my arm. A moment later he was holding me, pressing my face into his neck with a gentle hand on the back of my head. “I’m sorry. It’s all right.”

But it wasn’t all right. I’d had high hopes of this meeting with my brother, and it hurt that he wanted to reject me out of hand. I wanted my mother, to talk to her, to ask her what had really happened all those years ago, but I knew I would never be able to talk to her again.

To my surprise, Cross held me gently as I gripped his shirt and cried out my grief and anger. I felt safer and more comforted in his embrace than I had since my mom had died. When I’d finally gotten a hold of my emotions again, Donna handed me some tissues to wipe my eyes.

“I think that the two of you need time to talk about where to go from here and I really need to finish getting ready,” Donna said to Cross as I dried my face. She came to me and put a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Carla honey, I know that this is a really hard situation to deal with, but Cross isn’t a jerk. If he was, I would have told you to forget contacting him. Give him a chance okay?”

I nodded but couldn’t bring myself to meet her eyes. I’d made a fool of myself, fallen apart on a complete stranger. It didn’t matter that he was probably my brother; I’d had no right to cry all over him.

With a kiss and a soft order for me to call her tomorrow, Donna left us alone.


	4. My Brother

_You’re all the hope I’ve been keeping_   
_ Jennifer Stills - Good Intentions_

AWKWARD SILENCE FILLED the room until Cross cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come off as a jerk. Why don’t we have dinner and take the time to get to know each other? Then go from there?”

“Look, I know this is awkward for you,” I said without looking up from the tissue clutched in my hand. “If you’d rather wait until we’re sure about this, I understand.”

He reached out slowly to tilt my face up until our eyes met. “I am sure, or I wouldn’t have suggested it. The first thing you’ll learn about me is that when I say something, I mean it.”

“What about the things you don’t say, Cross?” I asked softly, meeting his eyes. “Do you mean them too?”

“I won’t apologize for having reservations,” he told me evenly. “I’m a businessman, Carla, and I can’t help it if I’m careful. I will make you this promise though, if you think that I’m holding something back from you then you can check me on it, okay?”

I licked my lips nervously, hoping that I could trust him. “That’s fair enough. I think we need to start over.” I held my hand out to him and mustered a smile. “Hi, I’m Carla Blair, and I think I’m your sister.”

He smiled too and took my hand. “Crusificio Cordelone, a pleasure to meet you. Now, how about that dinner?”

During the next hour I made every effort to forget our confrontation and really start over. To my relief, so did Cross. He wanted us to talk in privacy and suggested that we go upstairs to one of the suites and have dinner brought up. Since I’d cried most of my makeup off, I was more than willing to agree with him. After washing my face in a private restroom off the office, Cross led me through more back passages to an elevator that took us up to one of the more exclusive suites of the hotel. He poured me a drink and as we sat down, he asked me to tell him about my mother.

“She was a good woman, a devout Catholic,” I told him. “She didn’t make a lot of money, but she was good with what she had. She bought our house in Santa Rosa when I was 10. She loved to sing to the radio, and she’d dance around the house like a young girl sometimes.” I smiled at the memory. “She seemed lonely, but she never dated. If I brought it up, she’d get very sad, so eventually I stopped asking. After reading the letters and talking to Donna, I guess I can see why she never dated.”

He studied me thoughtfully. “Was it just the two of you?”

“Always. She never mentioned her family, and when I asked, she said I was better off not knowing.” I paused for a moment, trying to think past the pain of her death. “She told me that my father died before I was born. She said his name was Stanley, but when I found my birth certificate a couple of weeks ago, there’s no name listed for the father. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to find Donna. I hoped she’d have more answers for me.”

I hesitated for a moment, not sure how much to push him when neither of us really knew for sure I was his sister. “I’d really like to hear about Carlo.”

He nodded in understanding, and his eyes got a far-off look to them as he spoke. “Before he died, he was my best friend. We did everything together. He used to take me fishing when I was a kid in Rhode Island to a summer house that we have there. And he was at every little league game I ever played.” He focused on me once more. “Dad made everything fun. He liked to tell jokes, the raunchier the better,” he said with a chuckle. “He was a good man. If he would have known about you, he would have treated you like a princess. He always wanted a daughter.”

I gulped at the wine to hide the tears in my eyes. “He sounds like a friend of mine’s father. I always envied her, having a dad to do things with.”

He reached across the table and took my hand. “I can’t say that I totally can say this, but in a way I can understand. My mother and I don’t have the best of relationships,” he said with a shrug. “She’s a little too….” His voice trailed off, and before he could finish the thought there was a knock at the door. “That must be dinner.”

Once the food was set up on the table that was in a corner of the room, he said, “I hope you’re hungry. There’s enough food here for ten people.”

“You didn’t have to go through all this trouble,” I told him. “I’m used to eating in the dorms; I haven’t eaten a lot of big meals since I lived at home.” I knew the home cooked meals mom used to make was another of the many things I’d miss about her.

“It’s no trouble,” he replied as he held my chair.

As we ate, we talked about his family. He explained that his Uncle Bernardo was married to Aunt Anita and they had two kids, Bernardo Jr. and Kristine, both of whom were in college. When I told him about the proposition Bernardo had made me, Cross apologized.

He also told me about his ‘intended’, Juliet Molina. Her family was from the old country and they were supposed to be coming into the country some time in the next few weeks. Cross didn’t seem to want to talk about the situation, so I didn’t press it.

We exchanged anecdotes about our lives growing up. I got the feeling that while he loved his mother, he didn’t always get along with her. He did say that he wanted me to get to know his family and invited me to dinner on Sunday so that we could tell them about my relationship to them.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, is it?” I asked. “I mean, your mom doesn’t even know anything about this. How is she going to take it?”

“I’ll talk to her before hand,” he assured me. “I know there’s really no way to tell the family without the story being shocking and I’d rather we told them together, presented a unified front.”

I still wasn’t sure it was a good idea. “If you’re sure, Cross. The last thing I want to do is cause problems, especially since you wanted to do some checking to verify the story. What if you find out it’s not true?”

He gave me an odd look. “Having seconds thoughts already? If you hadn’t nearly walked out like you had about an hour ago, I would almost begin to wonder that maybe your claim isn’t true. Please assure me that isn’t the case.”

Knowing I had to speak carefully, I looked down at my plate for a minute, thinking hard. At last I looked up at him and said softly, “I like you, Cross. I wish that I’d had a brother like you when I was growing up, that I’d had the father you tell me your dad was. I don’t honestly know what the truth is because up until I found those letters, I couldn’t imagine my mother lying about anything.” I leaned over and touched his hand. “I just don’t want to get my hopes up, you know? I don’t want to start thinking of you as family and have it not be true. I don’t think I could handle that right now.”

While he didn’t like it, he agreed. During the next few weeks, everything seemed too good to be true. Cross and I met often for lunch or dinner and talked about all sorts of things. Cross wanted to tell his family right away who I was, but I thought we should make sure I really was family first. He reluctantly agreed, and between a private detective and some blood tests, we managed to prove that I was in fact Carlo Cordelone’s daughter. I took the job at the Excalibur, and Cross solved my housing problem by talking me into living with him.

I learned a lot about Cross in those first few weeks. He was a good man, a strong man, a man of honor. I looked at him and saw the train barons who once ruled the west; confident and ruthless when it came to business but caring too much when it came to family. It was all too easy to believe, and when it came right down to it, it was even the truth.

_I came here hoping to find my father and never thought further about any other family. Cross is everything I would have wanted in a brother. Part of me is so angry with mom that she took me away from him, but I know she thought she was doing what she thought was best for me. Maybe she was right. If I’d grown up here, in the shadow of the Cordelones, he might have hated me._


	5. Blood Ties

_Do what you feel in your heart to be right._   
_You’ll be criticized anyway._   
_ Eleanor Roosevelt_

IF I’D THOUGHT everything was going too easy, family dinner with the Cordelones proved me wrong. Cross was very excited about the meal and was looking forward to introducing me to everyone. He told his mother before hand, of course, his grandmother and his Uncle Bernardo, but no one else knew anything about me before we arrived.

I dressed conservatively for the meeting, choosing a cream-colored suit, low heels, and the small gold cross my mother had given me when I’d gone away to college in LA. When Cross arrived wearing a nicely tailored suit, I knew I’d made the right choice.

It turned out that the house I’d driven by when I’d first came to town belonged to Cross’ mother, Theresa. On the way over, Cross explained that his grandmother lived with his mom. Nana was Carlo’s mother, which made her my grandmother. He warned me that Theresa wasn’t taking the news of her husband’s infidelity well, which I had expected. On the other hand, Nana was ecstatic to have another member of the family and couldn’t wait to meet me.

I was nervous walking into the house, but Nana put me somewhat at ease. She hugged me exuberantly and welcomed me to the family. As I thanked her, Cross excused himself to go look for Theresa, who was nowhere in sight. Nana took me into the kitchen and insisted that I sit down while she finished making dinner. She was just telling me that Cross and I had been the first to arrive for dinner when he returned with a beautiful woman on his arm. Her eyes were slightly red and there was a strong resemblance between her and Cross. He led her over to my chair, and I stood as they approached.

“Carla, I would like to introduce you to my mother,” he said formally, “Theresa Cordelone. Mama, this is Carla Blair.”

The woman regarded me evenly and I could see the dislike in her eyes, although her features were smooth.

“Mrs. Cordelone, I’m sorry that my being here upsets you, but I am pleased to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you from Cross.” I couldn’t bring myself to smile, but I was trying to be nice. I didn’t offer her my hand because I knew she’d reject it.

Theresa looked up at Cross, who gave her an encouraging smile and, if I wasn’t mistaken, a hard squeeze on the arm. “Welcome to my home. I am pleased to have you here, among the family.” While her words and tone were pleasant, the animosity in her eyes told me she was lying.

Before I could say anything more, Nana called for Theresa to come taste the sauce. When his mother moved away, Cross smiled and put a comforting hand on my arm. I appreciated his effort to make me feel better, but at that moment I wanted nothing more than to leave. I fully believed that everyone else would treat me as his mother had, and I didn’t know if I could stand it. As much as I wanted to leave, I held my tongue. This dinner was important to Cross, and I knew I’d get through it one way or another.

Soon the rest of the family began to arrive, and it was obvious that everyone was wondering who I was. Cross introduced me by name but didn’t explain why I was there. By the time we sat down there were well over twenty people sitting around the huge table, including three uncles and many children. Bernardo sat at one end of the table, and Cross at the other. I sat on my brother’s right with Nana next to me. Theresa sat on Cross’ left; a position I could see she didn’t care much for.

As soon as all the food was in on the table and everyone was seated Cross stood up to address them. “There is an announcement I would like to make,” he said as he picked up his glass of wine. When everyone had turned their attention to him, he smiled and took my hand. “I wanted to tell you about a new addition to the family.”

“Crusificio,” Father Uberto, the uncle from Chicago, exclaimed as he jumped to his feet. “You cannot do this! What about Juliet?”

Cross looked at him in confusion. “I don’t know what you are talking about. This has nothing to do with Juliet.”

“Then why bring this woman into your mother’s house?” Uberto demanded in a heated voice.

“Because she is my sister,” Cross barked, his voice full of anger.

I sat next to him, staring at my plate and clutching his hand. I hadn’t wanted to start problems for Cross, and yet here was trouble with my name on it. A hush fell over the room and I could feel all eyes turn to me.

“I think you should explain this,” Uberto said firmly.

Cross quickly outlined the story of how we had met and the blood tests. He mentioned that Carlo had corresponded with my mother through a friend in town but didn’t mention Donna’s name. When he was finished with the explanation, I could tell that the family was in shock. I half expected them to run me out, but then the room erupted in a flurry of welcomes and expressions of joy.

Once I got over my surprise, I returned their hugs with gratitude. Still, I noticed that some of the well wishes were more genuine than others. It was mostly the men who seemed unsure of me being a part of the family, and only Theresa and Bernardo really seemed to wish me ill. I did my best to hide the hurt I felt and be friendly with everyone, even those who could have cared less.

The rest of the meal was lively with talk of family and home. It felt strange to be a part of a big family, but it was a good strange. The food was excellent, and the wine was plentiful. I could tell that this family was a close one, and I hoped that some of their reservations would fade in time.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I got into Cross’ car just after five and leaned back against the seat. “That went better than I thought it would.”

Cross smiled and reached for my hand. “I knew everything would be okay.”

I was glad one of us had known that, but somehow, I knew that my warm reception had more to do with Cross than with their acceptance of me.

Once we were back at the house, we sat down in the living room for coffee. “I think it would be a good idea to put a man on you,” he said casually as he stirred cream into his cup. “Word will get out soon that you are a Cordelone and I want you to be protected.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Put a man on me? What does that mean?”

“I want to put a guard on you for your protection,” he explained. “The family is well known for our wealth and I want to make sure that nothing happens to you.”

“Protection?” I asked, surprised. “Protection from what?”

He regarded me seriously for a long moment. “With wealth comes certain… hazards. Various members of the family have been linked with people from different entertainment backgrounds and we’ve gotten lots of attention from those relationships. But also, we’ve been known by the media for our own merit. There have been some kidnapping and murder attempts on some of the family, not to mention that the media are always hovering around. You’ll be exposed to that now.”

“Yeah, but I’m not famous,” I reminded him. “The press has no idea who I am. I’ll be all right.”

“But they will learn soon enough.” He leaned toward me and said, “Shortly after Dad died someone tried to kill me. I would rather be safe then sorry. The guys know what they are doing. They won’t get in your way, if that is what you are worried about.”

“I hadn’t thought about that, but even so, I just don’t know, Cross. I can’t see why anyone would be interested in me,” I said reasonably. “I think giving me a bodyguard would cause more problems than it would solve.”

I didn’t think he was going to agree, but after a long moment he did. “Alright. It goes against my better judgment, but I won’t insist on a guard for now. Your last name might be Blair, Carla, but you’ll be known as a Cordelone soon enough. Trust me.”

He was right of course. It didn’t take long for news to get around that there was a new Cordelone in Vegas. Juliet’s arrival was pushed back indefinitely, and I accompanied Cross to many of the society functions that he needed a partner for.

I wasn’t sure why Juliet had decided not to come to America as scheduled. Cross admitted that he hadn’t met her, but he talked with her on the phone regularly. I got the impression that he really didn’t want to marry her, but he would because it was what Carlo had wanted. He showed me pictures, and told me she was a nice girl, sweet and well mannered. I hoped that would be enough for his marriage but knowing Cross I doubted it.

Cross was a different person in public than he was when we were alone. The public man was hard and steely, but in private, he was much more relaxed. When dealing with other people, his eyes got hard, and he showed no weaknesses. He did relax a little with some of his family, but only with Nana or me did he completely relax. When we were alone, I could let myself believe that we had known each other all our lives.

Bernardo and Theresa continued to ignore me when they could, but I didn’t let that bother me. They were always polite when Cross was around, and that was all that mattered. I was able to develop close relationships with Nana and several of my cousins and avoid those who couldn’t accept me for who I was.

Father Uberto was pleased to hear that I’d grown up in a Catholic home, but when he’d heard that I’d lapsed since started college, he insisted I begin going to church again with Cross and Nana. I had no problem with doing so since it gave me a chance to spend time with them.

With my salary and the proceeds from my mother’s house, I was able to go back to school part time. I knew it would take me longer to get my degree, but I was having so much fun working I didn’t mind.

Working at the Excalibur was wonderful. With my services to offer, the casino developed a reputation for catering to guests who could not speak English fluently. The number of foreign speaking guests increased until I was working too many hours for my own good. Cross insisted that I hire a few other people to help and appointed me head of the new language department at the casino.

Although I missed my mother every day, I was the happiest I’d ever been in my life.


	6. Fairy Tale

_Darling, I feel like a god when I am next to you_   
_Something sacred, someone straight and true_   
_ Live - Like I Do_

I’D BEEN IN Vegas a year when I met Mark Donovan. He called the hotel to hire me as a translator for his company while a Russian businessman was in town. While Mr. Grinkov wasn’t staying at the Excalibur, I knew that Cross wouldn’t mind if I took the job, so I did. Mark arranged to pick me up just after six the following Monday.

I found it strange that all the meeting hours were in the evening, but even stranger was Mr. Grinkov’s introduction from his employer to Mark. It was very old worldly, but since the man was of advanced years and not in good health, I assumed it had some sort of traditional meaning I wasn’t familiar with.

The initial meeting took place at a large home on the outskirts of town that reminded me of one of the Cordelone compounds. We settled into the living room and waited for Mark’s boss to show up. Jora was a remarkable woman, powerful and strong willed.

After a brief round of small talk, the jumped right into negotiations. Although I was concentrating more on translating the words than the actual gist of the conversation, there seemed to be some sort of hidden dialogue going on.

The strangest thing about the entire situation was that Jora seemed uncomfortable with me there. I wasn’t sure if she didn’t like my translating or if it was more of a personal thing, but I could tell that she would rather have had another interpreter.

I didn’t return to the hotel until nearly one in the morning. Mark arranged to pick me up a little earlier the next evening so that he could take me to dinner before the meetings began again. The meal was a nice one, and we talked easily while we ate. Afterward he filled me in a little more about how the rest of the negotiations would go.

After dinner I asked delicately about Mr. Grinkov’s health, which Mark assured me was better than his appearance would have me believe. Apparently, the gentleman was a part of an experimental treatment that would ease the pains of his age.

“I get the feeling that Jora doesn’t like me on the job,” I said near the end of our meal.

“Your family is quite powerful in the city,” he reminded me. “I believe she wants to be careful not to offend your brother.” He went on to say that it would be a bad complication to bring another interpreter into the situation and I had to agree.

The rest of the week passed quickly. I had dinner each evening with Mark and translated business until the wee hours of the morning. Several nights I went with the group to see some of the shows about town, and Jora seemed to get used to my presence among them.

Mark was very charming, and I found myself wearing clothing that, while still professional, was feminine. While it was clear he was interested in me, we had business to take care of, and it wasn’t until after Mr. Grinkov went home that our relationship took a personal turn. Mark showed up at my office and I stood when my secretary showed him in. 

“Mark, it’s good to see you again.”

“Carla,” he said with a friendly smile, coming forward to take my hand and kiss my cheek. “It’s good to see you too. How are you?”

I smiled back. “Good, thank you, and you?”

“Busy. I was wondering if I could persuade you to go to lunch with me,” he invited. “I’ve missed your company.”

“We can’t have that, can we?” I said, turning away to hide my blush. “Give me a minute to clear my schedule, and I’d be happy to have lunch with you.”

I managed to get several hours free, and it was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. We’d only been dating a few weeks when Cross insisted on meeting Mark; he said he wanted to make sure ‘the boy’ was good enough for me. I invited Mark to have dinner with Cross, Nana, and my cousin Nia, who I’d become close to over the last year.

Everyone got along very well, and while Cross behaved like a typical big brother with the questions he asked, he managed to restrain himself. Mark seemed to like the family, and Nana was so happy that I’d found ‘a good boy’. She told me that my father would have been very proud of me.

From our first kiss, I knew that Mark was special. He didn’t try to push me into anything, but from the way he touched me it was clear he wanted to sleep with me. A few days after the dinner with the family, Mark took me to a romantic dinner at a small restaurant just outside of town. That night we went back to his apartment and I ended up staying the night. Cross was concerned when I got home the next day, but I was a big girl, or so I thought, and he really didn’t complain too much, as long as I was careful.

While we were both very busy with our jobs, Mark and I made every effort to spend time together. We ate lunch and dinner together as often as we could, and sometimes snuck away for a rendezvous during the day. We spent the night together at least three times a week, usually at his house, but sometimes in my room at Cross’ house.

Mark began going to church with us on Sundays, even though he admitted he didn’t have the least interest in religion. He also became a regular at our family meals, and I noticed that those who had honestly welcomed me seemed to like him, while the others did not.

We got to know each other well, talking about all kinds of things. He shared my interest in foreign cultures and foods, often finding ethnic restaurants for us to eat at to try new dishes. We liked the same movies and music, we both wanted to have families some day, and we were both very caught up in our careers.

Mark and I shared a year of fun and laughter, togetherness and love. Later I realized that it had also been a year of lies, but that never really changed the truth about what we had shared. Neither of us spoke of love, but I certainly felt it. I thought we’d have plenty of time before we had to declare our feelings.

I was wrong.


	7. Abduction

_Uphill struggle blood sweat and tears_   
_Nothing to gain everything to fear_   
_ Linkin Park - Nobody’s Listening_

NEAR THE END of my year with Mark I began to wonder about his commitment, or lack of it, to me. It wasn’t so much in the way he treated me, but more in the way he seemed to jump through hoops for his boss. I tried not to let it bother me so much because I did the same thing, and I knew his jumping wouldn’t bother me half as much if his boss wasn’t a woman.

What really bothered me was the fact that he was hiding something from me about his job. Oh, I knew how his parents had died, and where he had grown up and his favorite food, but I didn’t know why he sometimes left me the room to make a phone call for work, or why he’d cancel dates without giving me a reason. It didn’t happen often, but it did happen enough for me to start wondering.

The night I met the Luchianos, Mark and I had barely gotten through dinner when his boss had called him away. He asked that I wait for him in his apartment rather than go home, and he’d promised not to be gone long. I told myself that when he got back, I would find out the truth about what he was hiding.

I was in his study when the lights went out. A glance out the window told me the nearby high rises still had power. I could even see some light shining from the floors above and below me as I looked out the window.

Before I could do anything, else strong arms wrapped around me from behind, pinning my arms to my body. Someone slipped a cloth bag over my head and tied it there while the first man held me firm despite my struggles. I could hear papers falling from the desk when I pushed against it, but the arms around me were too strong and I couldn’t get away.

“Man, she’s a lively one, ain’t she?” the man holding me murmured.

Another male voice answered. “Won’t do her any good, though.”

They pulled me through the apartment and I quickly lost all sense of direction. I screamed, but they shoved part of the hood into my mouth and held it there so I wouldn’t be heard. The arms around me squeezed tighter until I could barely breathe, hardly struggle.

I could tell we reached the elevators only because we waited for the doors to open and I recognized the sound of the freight elevator. I wondered how they could be so sure we wouldn’t be seen but occupied myself with trying to grab the edges of the elevator door so they couldn’t drag me through. My weakened struggles did no good; I couldn’t even drag my feet well since my shoes were still by the door in Mark’s apartment.

It didn’t matter how much I fought or how much I screamed, I couldn’t get away. They stuffed me into the trunk of a car and handcuffed me to something inside so that my hands were over my head and I couldn’t even move around much. Once the hand left my mouth I cursed in several languages, but of course it didn’t do me any good. Obviously Cross had been right about the protection he’d wanted me to take after all.

“I wonder how long it’ll take Cross to realize she’s gone,” one of the men commented.

“Shut up,” the other barked as the trunk closed, leaving me in darkness. I felt the car move as they got inside. A moment later the engine started, and we began moving.

I tried to kick against the side of the trunk, but I couldn’t make much noise so I stopped before I could hurt myself. I tried to get the hood off, but I couldn’t get my hands close enough to the cord that held it around my neck.

My captors drove for nearly twenty minutes before they stopped the car. I’d lost all sense of direction in the darkness of the trunk, but I prayed we were still somewhere in the city. I heard two men get out of the car and walk toward the trunk while another set of footsteps approached.

“Everything go alright?” a new male voice asked.

“Perfect,” one of the men who had kidnapped me replied.

“Did she give you any trouble?”

“Not at all. She’s in the trunk.”

“Bring her inside then.”

The trunk opened a few seconds later and one of my hands was uncuffed long enough to release me from whatever it was they’d been chained to. I tried to struggle, but the man quickly recaptured my arm and snapped the handcuff around my wrist.

“It would be in your best interest to not put up a fight,” one of the men said as I was set down on my feet.

“Fuck you.” Not real fancy, I know, but I was too pissed off to care. I couldn’t see anything through the hood, and I didn’t like not knowing how many people were around me, or where I was.

Somehow, I managed to pull away from the man holding me and ran blindly away from the car. Within steps I was on the grass, but I didn’t get very far before I was wrestled to the ground.

“Don’t fucking hurt her,” the new guy growled. “She’s of no use to us if she’s manhandled. Cross will be hard enough to deal with as it is.”

They pulled me to my feet again, this time with a man holding each of my arms securely. They walked me inside a building, and it seemed to me like we went down a hall and into a room before they sat me down in a chair. It wasn’t easy for them; I fought them every inch of the way. They might have been trying to be gentle, but I wasn’t. I wanted lots of bruises so that Cross could see exactly how they’d treated me, and I wasn’t shy about telling them that either.

Once they sat me down, I brought my hands up to try and undo the cord holding the hood on. Of course, they didn’t let me get it off. Within moments I was wearing two sets of hand cuffs, one on each wrist, securing me to the arms of the chair.

“We can do this easy, or we can do this hard,” the guy who seemed to be in charge told me. “Which is it going to be?”

“We’re doing this easy?” I asked dryly as I pulled on the hand cuffs, hurting my wrists. “Fine, let me go. That’s easy.” I bent over to get my head near one of my hands in the hopes that I could get to the cord, but I couldn’t quite get it. “And take this fucking thing off!”

My demands only brought laughter echoing through the room.

“Not until you promise to be a good girl,” the boss drawled. “Your brother would want to know that you behaved yourself while with us.”

I gave up on the cord and sat up. “Do you think so?” I asked in an overly innocent voice. “Do you really think he would want me to sit here and take whatever you assholes wanna do to me?” I jerked hard at the handcuffs again. “I think Cross would want me to fight you every inch of the way.” Though I knew it wouldn’t get me out of the situation, at least cursing them in eight languages helped me blow off a little steam. The men just found it something else to laugh about.

“Do it,” the man whose voice I was coming to hate barked. I could see a flash of light through the material of the hood, and what sounded like an instant camera spiting out a picture. Then I heard footsteps leaving the room and the door closing. I sat in silence for a long time, listening for any movements, or breathing in the room, but it seemed as if they’d left me alone, bound to a chair, and blind to the world.

_I think the worst part of it was the hood. I’m shaking just thinking about it. The darkness was bad, but the not knowing, it was the worst. His voice was so hard, so cold. I hated him the moment I heard it, and I’ll hate him until the day I die. _


	8. Desperation

_Decisions made from desperation_   
_No way to go_   
_ Godsmack - Realign _

I WAITED A little longer to be sure I was alone before reaching out with my feet to see if I could feel what was in the room around me. I hoped to find the door, or a desk, something big enough to break the chair against. When I couldn’t find anything within reach, I awkwardly picked up the chair and moved it a few feet. The second time I did that I nearly fell but managed to catch myself.

After a few minutes of this, the man who had been giving orders spoke, making me nearly fall again. “What do you hope to find?”

“A way out,” I growled irritably, still looking for something I could use. “Do you expect me to sit here and do nothing?”

“You have the Cordelone spunk, that’s for sure.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “Can I get you something? A drink?”

My throat was sore from all the screaming I’d done earlier. “A drink would be good.”

I could hear him moving around, and the sound of liquid being poured into a glass. Footsteps brought the man closer, and the next thing I knew he was straddling my legs in such a way as to keep my hands pinned to the arms of the chair. He wasn’t hurting me, but he was certainly making sure I couldn’t go anywhere.

Fingers moved to the back of the hood to loosen the ties that held it in place. I sat still as he uncovered my mouth and held a cup for me to drink from. As I drank, I tried to see anything that would help me identify him later, but other than glimpsing a ring and a suit, and the fact he was Caucasian, I couldn’t see anything.

He let me drink about half of the water in the glass before pulling it away and setting it on the floor. As he was putting the hood back in place, I asked him why he had kidnapped me.

“Your brother is making plans to move in on our territory,” he said as he retied the hood behind my head. “My family will not take a Cordelone invasion lightly.”

“I don’t understand. What territory?” I asked. “Who is your family?”

He laughed harshly. “Who is my family?” His voice was heavy with sarcasm. “Have the Cordelone’s gotten such big heads that they haven’t told you about the Luchiano family? Rest assured that we are still here and still a force to be reckoned with.” He pushed himself off me roughly and walked away.

I’d heard the Luchiano name before, but I had no idea why they would hold a grudge against my brother. They owned a few of the larger casinos, from what I remembered, and the matriarch of the family was named Sophia. That was all I knew of the family.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m sure we can work this out without resorting to kidnapping,” I said reasonably. “Do you own one of the casinos here in town? Is he trying to buy it out from under you?”

“Family business is handled differently between the Luchiano’s and the Cordelone’s,” he replied.

“I don’t understand. Maybe if I knew what Cross did to piss you off, I could help resolve it.”

His soft chuckle told me he didn’t believe I could help him. “Cross is the head of the family. I’ll be dealing with him.”

“I don’t know much about the family business, but don’t you think kidnapping his sister is only going to make him harder to deal with?” I asked logically. “Then there’s the matter of kidnapping being a federal crime. If you just let me go, we can forget all about this and go back to doing business normally.”

He laughed outright. “Cross won’t go to the police; there would be too many questions he can’t answer.” After a moment’s contemplative silence, he murmured, “Could it be that you don’t know the extent of family business?”

“I work at the Excalibur, but I’m not involved in the business end of my brother’s casinos,” I replied warily. “Why do you think Cross wouldn’t go to the police?”

“Of course, you aren’t,” he said more to himself than to me. “Protecting the long-lost sister from the cruel reality of the family she was sired by. How poetic.”

I didn’t like his condescending tone, or the fact that he talked as if I knew nothing about the Cordelones. He made them sound like some sort of gangsters. “What are you talking about? There is nothing cruel about my family.”

“Tell that to the Donelli family,” he drawled harshly. “You’ll find them out in the desert somewhere.”

“No, you’re wrong,” I said quickly. “There has to be some kind of misunderstanding here. My family wouldn’t—” Abruptly I remembered Bernardo’s eyes, the coldness I sensed inside of him. “Cross isn’t like that,” I insisted.

He chuckled again as he moved away from me. “We’ll see. I’ll give you some time to think about it. Oh, and please don’t try to destroy that chair. It’s a favorite of my aunt’s and I would hate to have to find a replacement.” I heard him unlock the door before leaving then heard it lock again once he was on the other side.

“Bastard,” I whispered into the now empty room.

Now that I knew the approximate location of the door and therefore a wall, I stood up and carried the chair in that direction. I moved slowly, trying to keep my balance and not hurt myself by running headfirst into the wall. Within minutes I felt it against my head.

Turning a bit, I swung the chair as hard as I could. I heard wood creak and swung the chair again. This time it broke and though the handcuffs were still attached to pieces of wood, I was able to get the hood off. I grabbed one of the splintered pieces of wood and shoved it under the door as a wedge to keep it closed. A few quick snaps of wood got the remaining pieces out of the handcuffs.

The room was large and held only a table with a water bottle and several glasses on top. There was a line of windows on the wall opposite the door. I picked up one of the chair legs and quickly crossed to them and looked out from behind the heavy curtains. Outside there were a lot of men holding guns stationed at intervals as far as I could see. At least one of them held a dog’s leash, and the beast looked big and hungry. The dog, not the man.

Behind me I heard someone trying to open the door. “It won’t open,” a man on the other side yelled. “Get Nick.”

The door wouldn’t last long, even as sturdy as it was. I knew I would only have one chance to get away, and this was it. I was taking a big risk but given that Cross most likely wouldn’t deal with them if I was dead, I didn’t think they’d shoot me. I swung the chair leg at the window and turned my face away from the falling glass. The door splintered as I jumped through the opening and onto the ground outside. Pain shot through my feet when I landed on broken glass, but I ignored it and sprinted through the line of guards toward the fence.

Clutching the chair leg as a club I ran as fast as I could through a gap between the guards. Once away from the house I could see the outline of a tall fence at the edge of the yard. As I passed a disbelieving guard, I could hear shouts of surprise breaking out behind me, and the sound of dogs barking frantically.

“Fucking stop her!” one man yelled. A guard dropped his gun and moved to grab me, but I ducked and swung the chair leg against his shoulder hard enough to make him stumble backward.

The wall loomed in front of me, its dark bricks nearly hidden in the shadows. I dropped my weapon and jumped for the top of the fence. My fingers caught on the edge, but my feet slipped on the bricks and I couldn’t find purchase to boost myself up. Before I could try again a strong arm went around my waist and pulled me backward, away from the wall.

Screaming at the top of my lungs, I scratched and hit at the arms of the man holding me and tried to kick at his legs and feet. He dropped me to the ground and the impact was too much for my injured feet. I fell to the ground and he came after me, his body covering mine, pinning me quickly and effortlessly.

“Go ahead and scream all you want Carla, no one will hear you.” From the voice, this was the man who had given me water, most likely the Nick the guards had been calling for. His face was a blur in the dark night, but I could see the shadows of more goons gathering around us.

Not wanting to waste any energy, I stopped screaming, but I wasn’t about to stop fighting him. It was useless; no matter what I did I couldn’t shake him off me. Finally, he grabbed my wrists, scraping the cuffs against my raw skin, and pulled them over my head, laying all his body weight on mine. My strength seemed to be nothing to him, he overpowered me easily.

“Fight all you want, you’re not going anywhere,” he drawled as he settled his lower body more closely against mine. “This is kind of interesting,” he said lewdly, one light eyebrow lifting.

My skirt was up to mid thigh from my struggles, and I could feel the material of his slacks on the skin above my stockings. “You wouldn’t dare. Cross would kill you,” I growled at him contemptuously.

He chuckled again. “I wasn’t saying that I would try anything, baby. Just that it was interesting.” He looked up at the men surrounding us and gave them some sort of signal. Two of them stepped forward and grabbed my arms, pulling me to my feet as he rolled off me and stood as well.

The adrenaline rush I’d been running on was gone and now I could feel the grass grinding into every cut on the soles of my feet. Something of the pain must have shown on my face because Nick bent to grab my feet so fast, I didn’t have time to kick him. When he held my ankles and looked at them, I could tell by the expression on his face that it was bad. I realized that my feet had slipped on the fence not because of my ruined stockings, but because of the blood I was loosing, enough blood to make me feel lightheaded.

“Let’s get her inside, now,” he barked to his men. “We’ll put her in one of the bedrooms, and get a first aid kit,” he added to a man standing to one side.

Between the three of them they carried me to the house and up a set of stairs. While I didn’t like being manhandled, I was grateful I didn’t have to walk. My feet didn’t hurt quite as much now that I wasn’t standing on them, but I knew by the way they tingled that any weight on them would be painful.

I ended up in a large room at what seemed to be the front of the house. There was furniture, but none of the little things that made a room comfortable, nothing I could use as a weapon, and the bed looked too big for me to tear apart. They sat me gently on the bed while a man came in with a first aid kit in his hand.

“Take your hose off,” Nick told me.

I looked at the man stubbornly. “Turn your back.” I wasn’t about to pull up my skirt with them watching me.

He smiled knowingly as the other two men went to stand by the door. He turned and nodded at them, and they turned their backs on me as well. “You have thirty seconds.”

My hands were shaking so badly I wasn’t sure I could do it, but some how I managed to strip the stockings off and have my skirt pulled back down by the time they turned around. I balled the ruined hose in my hand just in case I could find a use for them later

Nick turned on a wall light nearby and walked over to sit on the bed next to me. “Let’s have a look,” he said as he pulled one of my feet into his lap. He gave it a once over before telling one of his men to get him a wet cloth.

“They aren’t too bad,” he murmured as opened the first aid kit and pulled a few things out with one hand to lay them out on the bed. The other hand he kept on my calf. “That was really stupid you know.”

I was too tired to fight him, and I knew that my feet needed tending or I’d risk infection. Besides, I was saving my strength for my next escape attempt. “It was only stupid because I got caught,” I told him irritably, licking my dry lips. “I almost got away.”

He stopped and looked up at me sternly. His eyes were green, I noticed, the green of spring, although they were ice cold. “No. You didn’t.” Without waiting for a reply, he turned back to my feet. Once they were disinfected, medicated, and wrapped in gauze, he told one of his men to get me a cloth for my face and some water.

“Sure, Nick,” the guy replied before leaving the room.

Nick turned to me again. “I should be talking to your brother soon. Do us all a favor and sit tight. There is no way that you are going to get out of here and I’m not taking any more shit from you. Understand?”

“I understand that you’re not gonna hurt me because you think my brother is some kinda Mafioso,” I told him defiantly, ruining the whole thing when I tried to stand on my injured feet and had to clutch at the bed post or fall to the ground. “I want to talk to Cross right now.”

He stood and pushed me gently but firmly down onto the bed again with a hand on my shoulder. “Let’s get one thing straight, baby,” he growled as he leaned down to put his face inches from mine. “You are not the one in charge here. I am.” His tone and the look in his eyes told me he was deadly serious. I’d never really been frightened of a man, but at that moment I could believe every horrendous act shown in every mob movie I’d ever seen.

I leaned away from him a little and tried very hard not to let him see how frightened I was. “I want to talk to Cross,” I whispered.

“_If_ you talk to Cross it will be because I allow it,” he bit out, still in my face, “not because _you_ want to. Got it?” He waited for me to nod before straightening. He took the cloth and water from his man and handed them to me. “Now, this is how we’re going to do this,” he told me smugly. “You will be our guest for the next day or so, however long it takes for us to come to an understanding with your brother. In that time, you will behave yourself. Am I clear?”

I sat there for a moment looking down at the cloth and the water, knowing that I had no choice but to do as this man said. Unless and until Cross bargained with them, I was under his control, no matter how much I hated it. After a long moment I looked up at him resentfully. “Crystal.”

A satisfied smile lit his face. “Good.” He glanced at the men who stood near the door. “These two will be right outside the room, and you’re on the second floor now so I wouldn’t try jumping out a window.” He paused for a moment before asking if I was hungry.

With a start I realized that it was barely two hours since I’d had dinner with Mark. Somehow the safety of that meal seemed like a lifetime away. “No, thank you,” I said coolly, trying to hide my fear behind an icy shield. I glanced around the room as I washed the sweat from my face with the washcloth. The lack of any other doors in the room made me uneasy. I looked up at Nick irritably. “I need to use the ladies’ room.”

He rolled his eyes. “Chuck will help you down the hall.” When one of the men by the door stepped forward, Nick added, “Don’t worry, he is a complete gentleman and won’t hurt you.”

Chuck nodded and came over to the bed where he put one of my arms around his neck and lifted me into his arms. Nick stopped him long enough to take my stockings from my hand “I’ll take care of these for you,” he told me. He followed us out of the room but went in the opposite direction down the hall.

Despite my protests that I could walk, Chuck carried me to the bathroom. Once shut inside, I searched the bathroom quickly, but the only thing I could find to help my situation was a bottle of aspirin. He carried me back to the bedroom and shut me inside, alone. The door locked with a sound so final I wanted to cry. I sat down on the bed and took some aspirin, hoping it would take some of the ache from my feet. Then I looked around to see if there was anything in the room I could use to escape.

The bed had a heavy four poster frame, and the bedside tables looked too sturdy for me to move, let alone break. A large wardrobe served as a closet and an armchair with a low table sat next to it. The windows were covered by heavy curtains, and the wooden rods holding them up were too high for me to reach. I thought I might be able to break the smaller table, but I hoped I wouldn’t have to try. I was counting on Cross getting me out of there tonight.

I laid down on the thick comforter covering the bed, resting my head on one of the four pillows. My attempts to escape had left me exhausted, and though I tried to stay awake it was a loosing battle. My eyes closed and I slept.

_Maybe I shouldn’t have tried to get away, but damn it, I almost made it. If that bastard hadn’t been so fast, if I hadn’t dropped the club to try and get over the fence… There’s no use worrying about it now, but still, so much would be different if I’d just made it over that damned wall._


	9. Unexpected Attraction

_Fear is how I fall_   
_Confusing what is real_   
_ Linkin Park - Crawling _

I WOKE TO find the sun streaming through the windows. Given that and my urgent need to use the bathroom, I’d obviously slept all night. I stumbled to the door on my injured feet and pounded on it. The new guard at the door let me make my way to the bathroom, where I still couldn’t find a way to escape.

There were several closed doors in the hall as we walked back to my room, but nothing that looked like an obvious escape route. Nick was waiting at the door of my room when we returned with a woman who was holding a tray. As much as I wanted to make a dash for the stairs, I knew it wouldn’t get me anywhere, and I was hungry. Doing my best to stay as composed as possible and tell myself that I really hadn’t been afraid of him last night, I walked back to the room.

“Good morning, Miss Blair,” Nick said as I approached. He and the woman followed me inside. She put the tray on the table next to the chair and barely glanced at me when I thanked her before she left us alone.

“I’m not sure how good the morning is quite yet,” I told Nick politely as the door closed. “When can I talk to my brother?” I was trying not to be too demanding, but damn it, I wanted to talk to Cross. Fuck that, I wanted to go home.

“Cross is anxious to talk to you, too, but let’s worry about breakfast first, shall we? Have a seat.” He was almost charming this morning, a much different man than he’d been the night before. I didn’t like the change. “Coffee?” he asked as he lifted the insulated pot. I noticed that the tray also held two cups and a domed metal lid.

As nice as it would have been to hit him with the lid or the pot, I knew I had to play nice, for now. I sat down in the armchair and resolved to keep my cool even though I was impatient as hell. “With sugar, please.”

He poured a cup of coffee and added sugar to it before handing me the china cup. After pouring his own coffee, he lifted the lid to reveal a plate filled with scrambled eggs, bite sized ham pieces, and home fried potatoes. Beside the plate lay a single spoon.

I looked up at him seriously. “I think making Cross wait will only antagonize him. Perhaps it would be better to make the call now.”

“I’ve already talked to him this morning and assured him that you were fine.” He glanced down at my bandaged feet and added, “I also told him that any injuries were your fault, not mine.”

“I don’t agree,” I replied calmly. “If you hadn’t kidnapped me, I’d have woken up safe and sound next to someone I trusted.” I sat the coffee cup down and picked up the plate of food. I ate quickly and without speaking, not really all that hungry anymore but wanting to get this ordeal over with as soon as possible. Arguing would only delay the call to Cross and there was no reason to starve myself. Nick sat on the edge of the bed and drank his coffee while he watched me eat in silence.

When the food was gone, I settled the plate in my lap, hoping he wouldn’t notice that I’d sat the spoon close to the edge in hopes that I could soon make it fall unnoticed into the chair.

“Breakfast is over. May I talk to Cross, or are you going to delay some more?” I asked softly.

He chuckled softly and placed his cup on the table. “I’m not delaying, baby, just trying to be a good host. What’s the matter, wake up on the wrong side of the bed?”

“Not really. I believe it was the wrong bed,” I said coolly as I shifted my legs slightly. The spoon slid from the plate into the chair unnoticed. “We both know you’re not the host here, Nick, you’re the kidnapper, remember? _El secuestrador, die entführer, il rapitore, plagiarius_. I’d appreciate it if we could cut the pretenses.”

His eyes had darkened as I spoke and now, he stood, moving to loom in front of me, bending over until his face was so close to mine that I could smell the coffee on his breath. Somehow, I managed not to shrink away from the rage in his eyes as he grabbed the plate from my lap and threw it on the floor where it shattered into a million pieces. I jumped at the sound but quickly forced myself to sit still.

“I see a good night’s rest has done nothing but refuel that acid tongue of yours,” he growled, barely controlling himself. “Be careful.”

I felt a thrill of satisfaction that I’d broken his composure. As frightened as I was, I liked him better this way. It made it much easier for me to hate him.

“There, isn’t that better?” I drawled. “No pretenses.”

Before I could move away, he grabbed the back of my neck and pulled my face to his. I froze in stunned surprise when our lips met, but a moment later I was clawing at his hand, trying to make him let me go. I pushed on his chest, but he was unmovable. Desperate, I bit at his lip, not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough for him to know that I wanted him to release me.

My efforts only brought a chuckle from within his deep chest as he put an arm around my waist and hauled me to my feet. I made protesting noises, but he didn’t stop kissing me. He was too strong, and I couldn’t move him, not even an inch. Knowing that I wouldn’t get away until he let me go made me stop wasting my energy and I stood there waiting in his arms, hoping for an opportunity to escape.

Now that I wasn’t struggling, I couldn’t help but notice how well our bodies fit together. He was strong beneath his expensive suit, and I could feel the muscles beneath my hands on his shoulders. He smelled good too, and his lips were soft. When I’d bitten him, I’d tasted the coffee he’d been drinking, and beneath that the mint of his toothpaste. The hands that moved down my back were warm and caressing. Despite a protesting moan my body responded instinctively, and my mouth moved against his, wanting to taste him again. My hands moved to the top of his shoulders, holding on while the world spun around me.

He pulled me closer until I could feel the length of his firm body pressed against mine. I couldn’t help but respond, returning his kiss and even trying to get closer to him. His hands slid aggressively down my body and back up, but it wasn’t until I felt his hand on my breast that I came to my senses.

This man was an enemy, and no matter how good his kiss made me feel I had to get away from him. Once again, my hands moved to push him away, but he turned so quickly with me in his arms that I had to hold on or fall. His hand left my breast and he stepped to the bed, pushing me down on it. Before I could move away, he had me pinned to the mattress with his body.

“My little spitfire,” he murmured along the curve of my neck. I turned my head to give him better access to my skin even as I wondered how I could respond to him this way. His hand found my breast again and I closed my eyes, feeling my body burn at his touch. I knew I should fight him, that he shouldn’t be able to make me want him this way, but I couldn’t stop my body’s intense reaction.

He began kissing his way down my neck, moving across the bare skin above the neckline of my shirt. His hand found a nipple through the cloth and rolled it between his fingers, making it swell with need. He raised his head to grin at me wickedly before bending to take the nipple in his mouth. Through the lace and silk, I felt the warmth of this tongue and when he lightly bit down, I gasped from the pleasure.

I moved restlessly beneath him, moaning at the conflicting emotions running through my mind. I arched my back even as my hands tried to push him away. His fingers smoothly unbuttoned my shirt and brushed it aside, leaving the silk and lace of my bra the only modesty covering my swollen breasts. His lips and tongue felt warmer through the lace, warmer still when he brushed the fabric aside to take my bare nipple into his mouth. My body arched again as my hands held his head against me, silently begging him to continue.

His hand slid down the side of my body leaving a trail of burning desire in its wake. When he reached my knee, he grabbed the hem of my skirt and began pulling it upward, his fingers brushing against the skin of my thigh. I writhed beneath him, telling myself I was trying to throw him off, but my movements only cleared the way for his hand to slip between our bodies, between my legs. I felt the brush of his touch on my panties and I gasped again. I knew he could feel the heat of my body through the silk, the traitorous body that wanted him badly enough to weep in anticipation of his touch.

A knock on the door made me jump, but Nick didn’t react until the door was opening. “Nick, Sophia is—” we heard, before silence filled the room.

Nick’s hand stopped moving against my thigh and he raised his head to turn and look at the man who stood in the doorway. “What?” he ground out.

I tried to wriggle away from him on the bed, but his weight was still on top of me and I couldn’t get far. I was mortified to realize that not only had I been letting him do what he had been to me, but that someone had seen us.

The man cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Your aunt is on the phone. She wants to talk to you.”

He cursed lowly. “I’ll be right there.” When his man closed the door, Nick looked down at me. “Unfortunately, I have to take that. We’ll continue our conversation later.” He pushed off me and I wasted no time rolling away, coming to my feet on the other side of the bed as I frantically buttoned my shirt.

“No, we won’t,” I said firmly. “You said I could talk to my brother.” I knew I sounded a little petulant, but my body still burned from his touch and I wanted very much to cry. I hated him, but I also hated knowing that I hadn’t wanted him to stop.

Nick moved toward the door, adjusting his clothing as well and walking rather stiffly. “I did, but right now my aunt is more important.”

My control lasted only as long as it took him to leave the room. I sank to the floor and burst into tears. I was furious that I’d let things get as far as they had, but still a part of me was wishing that we hadn’t been interrupted. 

_How could I have let him touch me like that? Kiss me like that? I can’t explain it, not at all. He kissed me and I couldn’t help but want more. I feel so dirty, evil. I will burn in the deepest hell for wanting him._


	10. Power Play

_There is no escape; we pay for the violence of our ancestors._   
_ Frank Herbert - Dune_

I’D FINALLY CRIED myself out when one of Nick’s goons came in with a cell phone. “Your brother,” he said as he handed it to me.

When the goon didn’t leave, I took the phone across the room for as much privacy as the extra distance would give me. “Cross?” I whispered as I put the phone to my ear.

“Carla?” he blurted out, sounding very worried. “Jesus Christ, I’m sorry. Are you alright?”

I closed my eyes, wishing that I was standing next to him instead of here in the enemy’s home. “No. Yes. I mean, I hurt my feet, but I’m okay. Cross, what is going on?”

“What do you mean you hurt your feet?” he demanded. “What happened?”

“I broke a window trying to get away, and I didn’t grab my shoes as I was being dragged out of Mark’s apartment,” I said dryly. “Cross, he—he said you wouldn’t call the police, is that true?”

He was silent for too long for Nick to have been wrong. “I can’t, honey. There’s too much at stake. But nothing is going to happen to you. I’ll have you back here by this afternoon, okay?”

“Then he was right,” I murmured, closing my eyes in despair. “Jesus, Cross, why didn’t you tell me? Did you really think you had to protect your long-lost sister from reality?” I challenged, remembering what Nick had said.

He exhaled loudly. “Carla, I know that this is a big shock for you and that you don’t understand, but honey, can we talk about this when I get you away from those bas—the Luchianos.” His voice on the last word showed the effort he was making to stay calm.

“When will that be? I’ve had enough of this.” Damn it, I wanted to go home.

“As soon as I can manage it, I promise,” he vowed, his voice full of relief. “Are they treating you okay? Have you eaten?”

“I’m fine,” I told him, trying not to stumble over the lie. They really hadn’t hurt me, just shook me up very badly. “Just get me out of here, Cross.”

“I will, honey, I promise. Is Nick with you?”

“No.” I couldn’t stop my voice from shaking at the reminder of my captor, and Cross heard it.

“Are you sure that you’re alright?”

“No,” I shot back angrily. My voice was still shaking but it rose in volume as I continued. “I’ve been handcuffed, stuffed in a trunk, blindfolded, carried around, locked in a room, yelled at, and—” I stopped myself from admitting any more, and somehow managed to calm my voice a little. “I’m tired, my feet hurt, and I need a shower. Get me out of here.”

“I will, I promise,” he said comfortingly. “Let me talk to whoever is in the room with you.”

I turned and held the phone out to the goon, who crossed the room and took it from me.

“I told you she was alright,” he told my brother. After a moment he added, “I will tell him and just remember that her safety depends on what you do in the next twenty-four hours.” The goon hung up the phone and looked at me with a knowing grin. “Your brother is being real co-operative. You should be home by tomorrow.”

“Go fuck yourself,” I said harshly. I stalked to the nearest window and pulled the curtain aside, trying to figure out the best way across the grounds and out of here.

“Bet you didn’t tell that to Nick,” he laughed as he left the room.

The yard was green with lush grass and I knew that it must have cost a fortune to maintain it in the desert. The back yard was huge, and I could see the same tall fence that I tried to jump over the night before running along the back of the yard.

I couldn’t stay there. I couldn’t take the risk that Nick would come back with the intention of continuing our foreplay earlier. The remains of the plate were still on the floor where Nick had smashed it, so I grabbed what looked like the sharpest piece and swept the rest of the wreckage toward the door with a pillow.

Taking the top sheet from the bed, I sat on the floor behind it, hidden for the most part from the door. It took me some time to fashion foot coverings from the bed sheet, but plate shard was sharp and cut through the fabric easily. I took the remains of the sheet and fashioned a rope that I hoped would hold my weight.

I heard footsteps in the hall just in time to hide everything under the bed before the door opened and Nick walked in. “I just got done talking to your brother,” he said as his eyes swept the room for me.

I stood up quickly, hoping he hadn’t seen anything. “What did he say?”

He eyed me warily and asked, “What are you doing?”

“Brooding. What else can I do in here?” I shot back irritably. “What did Cross say?”

He stalked around the bed with a predatory gleam in his eye. “He’s agreed to my terms,” he said as he stopped in front of me and lifted a hand to touch my face with the backs of his fingers.

I stepped out of his reach. “What terms?”

He shrugged. “That’s business and between me and your brother.” He followed me as I moved away. “Why are you backing away from me?”

I ignored the question backed away some more. “Since I’m here, I think that business involves me. What terms?”

He laughed and his arm shot out, grabbing me around the waist even as I tried to get away. “Kind of late to be skittish around me, isn’t it? Now, where were we?” He pulled me toward him until our bodies touched.

I pushed against his chest, fighting both him and the desire rising inside of me. “No. I don’t want this. I want to go home. Let me go home!”

“That isn’t what you were saying an hour ago,” he drawled a smug smile. He put his other arm around me and dipped his head to kiss my neck. There was nothing in his touch of caring, or of respect. The only thing he wanted was a piece of ass, and a Cordelone was just as good to him as any other woman.

Bending backward I pushed at his shoulders, but he was unmovable. “I don’t want this.” I tried to step backward and push him away from me. “Let me go, damn it,” I demanded.

The desire in his eyes hardened like stone, reminding me of his earlier anger. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them behind my back in one hand, leaving the other free to touch my body. “What’s wrong, Carla? You were practically begging for me to touch earlier.”

I tried to hide my fear behind a show of bravado as I struggled to get away. “Look, I’m sorry, but you have to let me go.”

“You’re wrong, baby,” he told me as he directed me toward the bed once more. “You know, it’s too bad that Cross hasn’t taught you yet how to behave yourself. Maybe I’ll change the rules of the game and ask for you instead.”

I dragged my feet to try and stay away from the bed, but it hurt too much and wasn’t working anyway. He bent to kiss my neck, and chills ran down my spine. It was hard to tell if they were from desire or fear, but now, fear was winning.

“No!” I yelled as lowered my head so he couldn’t get to my neck. “Goddamn it! Let me go!”

He grabbed the back of my hair and pulled my head aside to bare my neck to his attention. Shivers ran across my skin at the sensual contact of his lips and tongue, all the more frightening because I’d told him to stop. When the back of my knees hit the bed, he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me down on my back. He stood there looking down on me for a long moment his green eyes as hard as diamond chips.

“You’ll do well to remember that you still answer to me,” he said in a voice so calm it was eerie. Without another word he walked to the door and told the guard in the hall to come inside.

I rolled to my knees on the bed, trying to be ready for anything. “Wait, what are you doing?” I demanded urgently. “Nick, what are you going to do?”

He looked over his shoulder and smiled. “What do you think I’m doing?”

I couldn’t answer him. I hoped he wasn’t going to use the guard to help force me to have sex with him, but I didn’t want to say that in case he hadn’t thought of it already. I backed off the bed and tried to put as much distance between us as possible.

“I don’t need anyone’s help to accomplish what you _wanted _a little while ago, Carla.” He turned to the goon. “Keep an eye on her. I get the feeling if she’s left alone too long, she will get herself into trouble.” As Nick walked out the door, the guard stepped inside. Closing the door, he stood against it, watching me.

With a babysitter there was no way I’d be able to break out of the room. I went to one of the low windows and sat down next to it to watch the guards outside. A pair of them made a circuit every fifteen minutes, and they had a dog with them. I could also see men moving about close to the house.

When the guard sat down in the armchair to read a newspaper, the headline told me why the Luchianos had been so keen to kidnap me. The article reported a groundbreaking ceremony for a new resort in town that I knew Cross was trying to get in on.

Some time during the morning I was taken to the bathroom so I could shower and change into clothing that they brought me. The guard insisted on staying in the room, but he did turn away for me to undress. I didn’t like it, but I didn’t have much of a choice. The stretch pants and zip up top they gave me fit surprisingly well, making me wonder who they belonged to.

When I got back to the room the mess from the broken plate was gone, and the bed had been remade. Short of checking under the bed, I had no way of knowing if they’d discovered my escape plans. I went back to the window and watched the guards make their rounds.

_I wasn’t really surprised when Cross confirmed that bastard’s story. Mafia. How could I have missed it, I mean really? Bodyguards, and limousines, casinos. It made me angry, so angry, that he hadn’t told me earlier. And the bastard stroked my rage, brought it out like some monster that needed a release. Sex would have worked, but somehow, I managed to keep my head. That time, anyway._


	11. Enchanted Folly

_Tell me is it blood that you want_  
_Then take me strip me cut me see I’m bleeding_  
_ Melissa Etheridge - I Want You_

AROUND NOON THE door opened and the woman who had brought breakfast pushed a cart into the room that held covered plates. Nick strode in behind her acting like he owned the place. I stayed on the floor by the window knowing I didn’t dare to get close to him again.

When the woman left, the goon went with her, but he was back in a moment with an extra chair that he sat near the cart. In short order Nick and I were alone.

“Are going to behave yourself and have lunch with me?” he asked.

I just eyed him warily and didn’t speak, didn’t move.

“Carla don’t piss me off. Get over here and eat.” He gave me a level look and added, “Or do you want me to come get you?”

It didn’t take me long to decide I didn’t want him touching me again, for any reason. I got up slowly and walked to the armchair where I waited for him to sit down before I did. He uncovered the plates to reveal finger food, sandwiches and fruit, chips and bottled water. I waited for him to take the first piece of food before I started eating. I felt very uncomfortable, not meeting his eye, not saying anything.

“Cat got your tongue?” he asked after a couple of bites.

I shook my head and gestured that I couldn’t talk with food in my mouth, but I still didn’t meet his eyes.

He leaned back and watched me expectantly until I finish swallowing, waiting for me to speak. When I would have taken yet another bite he asked, “Acting like a child again?”

Swallowing my anger, I simply said, “Not at all,” before taking another bite.

I could feel his eyes on me as we ate, but I refused to look at him. After a few minutes he said, “There’s Italian ice for desert. I told Deane to only include one spoon since you’ve had one of your own already since breakfast.”

I looked up at him in surprise before quickly looking away. Though he seemed more amused than angry, I knew he’d found my small stash beneath the bed while I had been in the shower.

“What did you think you were going to do with it?” he asked.

I glared at him defiantly. “Anything I could.”

He smiled at my harsh words. “I like to spoon… during appropriate times. What about you?”

My eyes fell away, embarrassed by my body’s quick reaction to him. Even now, just remembering how his hands felt on my skin made me warm, made me want to feel them again. “I don’t think that’s any of your business.”

He chuckled softly. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are when you’re huffy?”

My cheeks flushed with color and I struggled to think about Mark. I didn’t want to betray him, especially not with this arrogant gangster who simply wanted a piece of ass he could brag about.

Nick reached out and took my hand. “Smile for me,” he said in a low husky voice, his fingers running lightly over my knuckles.

I tried to pull my hand away, but his fingers tightened, holding me in place. “I have a boyfriend. I was at his house when your goons grabbed me.”

His hand lifted mine toward his mouth, turning my wrist to bare the palm of my hand to his lips. “Do I look like I care?”

I tried to stop him from kissing my hand, but he was too strong. “I do. Look, I can’t deny that I’m attracted to you, but you’re the one who said we were enemies,” I reminded him as his lips brushed against my sensitive skin. “And then there’s Mark. I don’t want to hurt him.”

“I’m willing to overlook a few… family differences if you are,” he murmured softly

I could feel my pulse speed up at his touch, but it just made me try harder to get away from him. “No.” Panicking, I stood up for more leverage to pull away from him.

“Why not?” he asked as he pushed the wheeled cart away and pulled me toward him, trying to get me into his lap.

I caught myself by putting a hand on his shoulder. “I told you, I’m in a relationship and you’re the enemy. It wouldn’t be right for me to just fall into bed with you.” The anger in my voice was tempered only by the fear and desire that fought their way through my veins.

His free hand moved to my hip and pulled, bringing my face closer to his. Our breath mingled as I looked into his hazel eyes that were so deep, I found myself falling helplessly. “I won’t tell if you don’t,” he dared before his tongue darted out to taste my lips.

With an effort I managed pull back just out of reach. “But we would both know the truth. My answer is no, Nick.”

He smiled slightly then tilted his head and captured my lips in a passionate kiss that brought back everything I’d felt when he’d kissed me earlier. His hands moved to my butt and pull me closer as he stood smoothly, not breaking the rhythm of the kiss.

At first, I refused to respond, pushing at his shoulders, trying to get away while making protesting noises that somehow never made it past where our lips met. He continued to kiss me as he brought our bodies so close, I could feel the evidence of his desire pulsing against my stomach. His mouth moved against my jaw line, placing wet kisses on my skin that brought goose bumps to my flesh. His hands slid up in down my back and hips before moving beneath the hem of my shirt.

My hands kept trying to push him away, although less forcefully than before. “Nick, no,” I whispered, close to tears.

He brought his mouth back to mine and nibbled at my lips for a moment before kissing me gently, worshipfully. His mouth fed from mine in a way that was totally different than the other kisses we’d shared. The soft strokes of his lips left me breathless as he pushed my shirt upward. His hands were a gentle caress, moving from my back over my shoulders to the zipper that he tugged slowly downward. His fingers touched the skin he bared in a way that made my heart skip a beat then pound.

I stopped fighting and stood still, just feeling for a moment. For a heartbeat, two, I found myself responding to him, twisting a little so that his fingers opened the shirt a little more. Then I froze up again. “No, damn it! No!” I cried, twisting out of his arms.

He let me turn away from him, but seconds later he was right behind me, his body warm and inviting against my back. When he reached for my chin to turn my head for his kiss, I could see that his jacket was gone. His mouth was gentle yet insistent and his other arm came around my body to find my breast and tease it through the material of the shirt and bra. My nipples tightened and shivers of pleasure ran through me as they rubbed against the lace of my bra.

My hands came up to grab his wrists, trying weakly to pull them away from my face and body. At the same time, I heard myself moan softly, and my lips moved against his. The moment I began to respond he deepened the kiss, feeding hungrily as I turned to better reach him.

With my hands still on his wrists he took hold of the zipper and finished opening the front of my shirt. He pushed it down and off my arms before flattening his hands on my stomach and sliding them up toward my breasts.

Stopping his hands was much easier this time, and I pulled back from the kiss to look at him, half in anger, half in arousal. His eyes were hot, like green pools of jade fire. Swearing softly, I brought my lips back to his and gave myself over to the fires of passion he’d lit in my body.

His hands moved to my breasts and he caressed them, using his thumbs to harden my nipples. He moaned hungrily against my mouth as he turned me around to face him, his hands coming to frame my face to keep the kiss going as he began moving toward the bed. I clutched at his shirt, not caring where he was taking me, wanting only to feast on his mouth the way he was feasting on mine. The kiss was the only thing that mattered at that moment, at least until I felt his hands on my bra, unclasping it and drawing it down my arms, baring my breasts to his hands.

He kissed his way down my neck, stopping for a moment at my collar bone to nip at it playfully. My hands slid up his shoulders, one resting on the back of his head as he bent me backward. I rose up on tiptoe, straining toward him as he took my nipple in his mouth, teasing it with his teeth and tongue. One hand held our hips together while the fingers of his free hand mimicked his mouth’s movements on my other breast.

He laid me on the bed carefully and lowered his body on top of mine. A dim flicker of sanity hit me, but it didn’t last long. Once our lips met, I was lost again, drowning in passion so strong it swept my thoughts away. I ran my tongue lightly across his lips and felt his chest and sides through his shirt. He moaned into my mouth, shifting his weight so that he could pull at his tie even as his tongue plunged into my mouth. The kiss grew wild, unbelievably passionate as I helped him get the tie off and started working on the buttons of his shirt.

I felt his hand slide between us and work at his belt and pants before caressing the bare skin of my chest and stomach. Once his shirt was opened, I slid my hands inside, touching his chest, his sides. I arched my back to feel my breasts and nipples pressed against his bare flesh.

He groaned at the touch of my skin and his lips found mine once more as his hand reached under my clothes, his fingers began a maddening rhythm on my body. I gasped against his lips, my legs opening for his touch, my hips thrusting against his hand.

When his hands moved away, I nearly cried out in protest until I realized he was shedding his shirt. I caressed his arms and back as he began kissing his way down my body again, focusing on my breasts long enough to leave my nipples fully erect and begging for more when he moved downward away from them. Once he reached the waistband of my pants, he moved off the bed and pulled them and my underwear down slowly, stopping every so often to place wet kisses on the skin he bared to the warmth of his gaze.

I lay there gasping as he stripped off my pants, enjoying the touch of his lips on my skin but wanting more, so much more. When my body was bare, I opened my legs invitingly and closed my eyes, trying not to think about how I should be trying to get away.

Opened and vulnerable, I waited for him to come back to me. Finally, I felt the palms of his hands on my legs, sliding slowly upward. He dropped kisses on my skin and as he moved upward, I spread my legs more, feeling his bare skin rub against the inside of my calves, my thighs.

His kisses became more frequent the higher he moved on my legs. I lifted my hips, baring the most sensitive part of my body to his hand as it traveled up the inside of my thigh. Tears slipped from my eyes as I felt how willingly my body received his fingers. My hips moved of their own accord, thrusting against his hand, and the pleasure spread throughout my veins until there was no room for thoughts of escape.

He caressed my body with an intensity that sent raw pleasure throughout me, making me want to feel him inside of me so badly I nearly screamed. My hips urged him on, but just as I felt the pleasure build to the breaking point, his movements slowed. I cried out for him to finish, thrusting against his hand to make him continue. His mouth replaced his hand and I tumbling over the edge, my body rocked with spasms of pleasure.

Now my hands fought to pull him closer, now he let me drag his face up to mine where our lips met, then our tongues. His mouth tasted sweeter than before, and I moaned helplessly, gasping when the heat of his manhood touched my needy flesh. He rubbed his hard length against the warmth and moisture of my need.

“Carla,” he breathed against my lips. “Open your eyes, baby.”

I shook my head no and thrust my hips upward, wanting him inside of me but not willing to look him in the eye when he filled me. My hands moved down to his hips, trying to pull him closer. Our lips met again, and he kissed me deeply while I fought to bring him inside of me.

He moved back a little, shifting so that I felt the head of his shaft poised for entrance. “I want to see you,” he whispered huskily against my mouth. “Watch you.”

“Just do it,” I begged as I pushed upward once more.

A heartbeat later he was inside of me, filling me with one deep quick motion that left me breathless. I wrapped my legs around him, bringing him deeper still. My nails dug into his back as he began to move, driving him on while my hips matched his fierce thrusts.

I would like to say that I was able to close my eyes and pretend that I was with Mark, but unfortunately, I couldn’t. Nick was as different from Mark as day was from night. While I’d always enjoyed the physical side of my relationship with Mark, it honestly couldn’t compare with the storm of passion I felt in Nick’s embrace. When it was over, I laid beneath him gasping for breath. Despite the pleasure he’d given me, my body wanted more, wanted him to touch me, to kiss me, to bring me once more to passion’s peak.

Nick held himself up a little so he didn’t crush me as his breathing returned to normal. He kissed the curve of my neck softly, waiting for me to turn and look at him. I didn’t want to, didn’t want to look up and see him over me while I could still feel him inside of me, but I knew I couldn’t put it off forever.

When I turned my head to glare at him, he tried to kiss me. I turned away so that he missed my mouth. “I hate you,” I hissed.

He settled for kissing my check and neck. “Didn’t feel like that a minute ago,” he whispered just before biting my neck playfully.

I shifted restlessly beneath him, not wanting to like what he was doing, but feeling the burn of desire.

“Carla,” he whispered insistently, shifting to take one of my breasts in his hand again. His fingers teased the nipple, making me arch at his touch.

I closed my eyes and once again tried to pretend it was Mark who was touching me. My hands ran along his sides, caressing his skin. “What?”

“You are amazing,” he breathed against the skin of my throat. I could feel him getting hard inside of me.

I ran my hand upward and let my thumb glide across his nipple. My hips moved against him, wanting him to be harder, deeper inside of me. “I hate you,” I whispered.

He chuckled softly and bent to take my nipple in his mouth. I moaned softly and thrust against him again, trying to bring him more fully inside of me. I caressed his nipple again, then took it between my fingertips and rolled it a little, matching his earlier roughness as I pulled him closer.

He went still for a moment at my teasing then groaned against my nipple. He shifted inside of me, getting harder with every heartbeat. “You’re a bad girl,” he murmured as he moved up to kiss me again, holding my head to make sure his lips met mine.

It was past time for fighting. I ran my tongue across his lips and bit gently on his lower lip. Pinching his nipple, a little harder, I thrust against him again, brining my legs up further to bring him deeper inside of me. He met my thrust, and our passion flared, burning hot enough to melt the sun.

_No amount of bathing will ever make me clean again. I wanted him so badly. How could I have done that? I’ve betrayed my brother, slept with the enemy. I hate him, but I hate myself more. The way he touched me; I’ve never felt anything like that. Please God, as mind blowing as it was, I never want to feel anything like that again._


	12. Truth and Lies

_Only enemies speak the truth; friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty._   
_ Stephen King - The Gunslinger_

I WAITED UNTIL Nick fell asleep before I eased off the bed. I used a corner of the blanket to clean myself as best I could before finding my clothing and getting dressed. Once again, I took up my post sitting next to the window watching the guards move across the grounds.

Although I tried to stay awake, the hours of passion that Nick and I had shared left me exhausted, and when I woke, I was laying on the bed alone. The room was getting dark and I got up to turn on a light.

This time when I went to the bathroom, I had two guards to walk me down the hall and back. They were both tense, as if they were waiting for something to happen. Praying that I would get out of there soon, I went back to my room, back to my window to sit and watch the guards’ movements.

A half hour later Nick walked in. He had changed into a dark suit and was holding something in his hand. I turned to look at him but couldn’t meet his eye. Though I tried not to react to his presence in the room, I couldn’t stop my heart from beating faster. Then I realized what he held in his hands; a hood. I backed away without even realizing what I was doing. I didn’t want the dark uncertainty of the hood, and I’d do anything I could to avoid it.

Nick stopped halfway across the room; thrown I think by my reaction. “Carla? Are you alright?” he asked as he walked toward me again.

Somehow, I managed to stand my ground. “I’m fine.”

“It’s time to take you back,” he said gently

His change in attitude made me very suspicious. “I don’t want to wear that.” I couldn’t take my eyes off the hood or stop myself from taking another step away.

He glanced from the hood to my face. “You have to, baby. It’s for your protection. That way you can’t bring your brother’s men back here.”

“No, please, I promise I’ll keep my eyes closed, Nick,” I swore, pleading with him. “Please don’t make me wear it.”

He let the hood fall to his side and reached up with his free hand to lift my chin and make me look at him. His eyes were soft as he looked at me and his fingers were warm and gentle on my skin. “What if I just got a blindfold instead?”

I closed my eyes trying to hide my panic, but the idea of a blindfold sat better on my mind than the hood. Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I looked at him again. “Thank you.”

After a quick conversation with the goons at the door, Nick returned with a scarf to put over my eyes, and a pair of sandals for my feet. He helped me put on the shoes before gently placing the silk over my eyes. I felt his lips touch mine lightly and jerked in surprise. Reaching out, I felt his face still very close to me.

Before I could say anything, he lifted me in his arms and carried me from the room. I tucked my head into his neck, trying to pretend I wasn’t wearing a blindfold. Once we were outside, he sat me on my feet and helped me into the limo before climbing in after me. He took my hand and asked me if I was all right.

“No.” I let my hand lay quiet in his, grateful for the human connection. Taking a deep breath, I tried to relax as the car started moving.

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly.

I shook my head, not sure if I could explain. “I don’t like the blindfold. I hate not seeing what’s going on or who’s watching me. Where are we meeting Cross?”

“At a restaurant my family owns,” he told me. “In a lot behind it.”

Ignoring the slight nausea, I felt from the movements of the car, I asked, “How long?”

He put an arm around me and pulled me close to his side. “About a half an hour. Do you want some water or something?”

I sat stiffly against him, not pulling away but not taking any comfort from him either. It felt like we were alone in the car, but I couldn’t be sure of that. Besides, I shouldn’t want to take comfort from the enemy, and it bothered me just how much I wanted to lie against him and borrow his strength. “I just want to go home,” I told him, struggling not to cry. “I want this to be over.”

“We’re alone,” he whispered against my ear, taking my hand in his once more. “Drop the brave front for now, okay?”

I didn’t know whether to believe him or not, but now he was all I had to hold on to. I laid my head on his shoulder and let him comfort me as best he could. We rode in silence for what felt like forever but was probably more like twenty minutes.

“We’re almost there,” he whispered as he took the blindfold off then kissed my temple. “You okay?”

I tried to smile. “Better.” I moved a little away from him and looked around the inside of the plush limo, then out the windows as well. I didn’t recognize where we were. “How long?”

“Not long. Carla…” He turned my face to his and let his fingers linger against my skin, “I want to see you again.”

“Why?” I gasped in shock. “Didn’t you get enough of me earlier?”

“No,” he said with a grin as he moved toward me. “Never.”

I shook my head and leaned away from him as if distance could make me forget our afternoon together. “No, Nick.”

“Why?” he demanded, frowning. “We could meet in secret, neither one of our families would have to know.”

“You think your family doesn’t know already?” I challenged in a low hard voice. “You think somebody isn’t gonna tell Cross that his baby sister fucked the enemy? I’m going to have a hard time facing my brother as it is, Nick, let alone convincing Mark to take me back after what happened today. I’m not gonna make that worse, even if there was no chance that anyone would ever find out. No.”

He took my face in his hands as the limo turned into a parking lot. “My men are loyal to me, Carla,” he said passionately. “They will say nothing to the rest of my family, much less yours, about what we shared this afternoon.” He looked out the window and dropped his hands into his lap. “I know I’ve been a dick, but I just want the chance to see you again.”

He looked so sad, sitting there, but I couldn’t understand why he felt so strongly about seeing me again. I reached out and touched his cheek gently. “I wish I could say yes, Nick, but I can’t. There’s too much other stuff I must think about. I’m sorry.”

The car came to a stop and we both looked out the window. To one side was what looked like the back of a restaurant with large garage bins and coolers. There were two exits from the parking lot, and I could see that Cross’ black limo had pulled into the other one, along with an SUV parked next to it. Three armed men stood next to the cars, and even in the dim light I recognized them as members of the family and Cross’ security.

Nick turned back to me, taking my hand and kissing my wrist. “This isn’t the end, Carla. Count on that.” He pulled me to him for a hot kiss that left me wanting more. A moment later he pushed open the door and stepped out, closing me inside.

Fighting to bring my heart beat back to normal I slid to the door and looked out the window for any sign of Cross. I watched him get out of his limo and start toward Nick, who met him halfway across the empty lot. As much as I wanted to get out and run toward my brother, I knew that getting out now would bring the tension to a head. I had to stay put until Nick told me I could go.

The two men talked for a few minutes in the middle of the lot. As they talked, I could tell that Cross was anxious, and he glanced in my direction more then once. I breathed a sigh of relief when Nick walked back to the limo and opened the door.

“Ready?” he asked, holding his hand out to me. He helped me out and as he shut the door he said, “Let’s take this easy.”

Nick kept my hand as we walked toward Cross and put his other hand on the small of my back. I tried to remain calm, but inside I was shaking. Cross was relieved to see me, and once we reached him Nick handed me over, and I stepped into my brother’s waiting arms.

“Are you okay?” he whispered against my ear.

It was an effort not to clutch at him, but I didn’t want anyone to see how frightened I still was. “I want to go home.”

Without another word he turned and led me toward his limo. As soon as the door closed us in, the driver took off, speeding away into the night. Cross held me quietly for a few minutes, stroking my hair with one hand and my back with the other. “Did they hurt you?” he asked quietly. He paused for a moment, then through clenched teeth he added, “Did any of them touch you inappropriately?”

“Why would you ask me that, Cross?” I demanded, leaning back to see his face. “Is that what you would do if you held one of their women prisoner?”

“Never,” he answered quickly, his dark eyes lit with fires of controlled anger. “But the Luchiano’s are more vindictive then we have ever been. I put nothing past them.”

“Vindictive, is that what you call it?” I shot back. “What do they have to avenge, Cross? What did you do to them?”

His hand came up to cup my face and his expression softened. “The Cordelones and the Luchianos have never gotten along, Carla. I know you don’t understand this and that you have many questions, I can see them in your eyes. You’re probably angry with me for not telling you the whole truth about the family as well, but you must believe me when I say that I had my reasons. I hope that you will let me explain them to you.”

“It’s a big thing for you to miss telling me, Cross,” I said angrily. “Jesus, I can see now why you wanted to put a bodyguard on me.”

“I only meant to protect you,” he replied quietly. “You are my sister and I love you. Listen, I promise that I’ll answer all your questions as soon as you’ve had a good night’s sleep, okay?”

I turned to look out the window and leaned against his shoulder again. The anger rolled out of me, leaving behind only emptiness. “I slept most of the day, Cross. I’m hungry, and I’d like a shower.” I wanted to get the feel of Nick off my skin.

“I’ll have Rosie make you whatever you want,” Cross promised, reaching into his pocket for his cell phone. “What are you hungry for? It will take us about a half an hour to get home.”

“I don’t care.” The dull ache in my feet reminded me of my injuries and I reached down to take off the sandals Nick had given me. I touched the bottoms of my feet lightly trying to gauge how bad they still were, and if they had become infected. “Do you have any aspirin?”

Cross noticed the bandages for the first time. “What the hell?” he demanded, outraged. He brought my feet into his lap and turned on a light so that he could see them better. “Carla, what happened?”

“I told you,” I replied irritably, “I broke a window and cut my feet trying to get away last night. Not that it did me any good.”

“Jesus, Carla, I had no idea it was like this,” he murmured. “I’ll call Dr. Martin and have him come over.” He dialed the number on his cell while reaching into a compartment in the bar for a bottle of aspirin and some water.

“They’ll be fine, I think they just need to be cleaned again,” I told him, but he was already talking to the doctor. I took some aspirin and sat back against the seat with a hand over my eyes.

I felt him take my hand and I held on to it tightly, feeling safe for the first time. If Cross wanted to baby me, I was going to lay back let him. Hell, I’d earned it, earned it with my blood, sweat and tears.

_Cross brought me home, like I knew he would, but was it really home? A house of lies, perhaps, but home? That’s not fair, and I know it. Cross loves me, and I know he was trying to protect me from parts of his life. I must protect him too. He can never find out what I’ve done._


	13. Home Sweet Home

_Feels so good inside your arms_   
_Home is everywhere that you are_   
_ Jewel - This Way_

CROSS CARRIED ME into the house, ignoring my protests that I could walk. The moment we cleared the door I heard Mark’s voice coming from the hall. “Is she alright?”

“Put me down,” I told Cross. I felt guilty that I’d forgotten to even ask about Mark, and I didn’t want him to worry unnecessarily.

Mark was hurrying toward us, but he stopped when Cross spoke, his voice heavy with anger. “No. Mark, I told you to come tomorrow. Now is not the time. She needs rest and I’m not about to let you hound her.” His voice was low, angry, and hard. He sounded so much like Nick that it frightened me.

Mark’s face had hardened too, when Cross had spoken so harshly, but now he met my eye with a gentle and concerned look. His hand lifted a bit like he wanted to touch me and I some elusive animal in a cage that he couldn’t reach. I held my hand out to Mark as I was carried past him, but Cross was moving too quickly.

As Cross started up the stairs I tried to wriggle from his arms. I didn’t like the reminder his voice had held that he was a mobster, as bad as Nick. “Put me down,” I demanded.

He looked down at me, his eyes no longer hard. “Carla, stop, you’ll make me drop you. The doctor will be here any time now. I want to make sure you’re okay before you get badgered by people. I’ve already had to hold Nana off until morning.”

I glanced back to see Mark standing at the foot of the stairs. A shaft of guilt went through me and I knew I had to talk to him as soon as possible. “What did you tell him?” I asked Cross in a low voice.

“That some rival business people took you.” He carried me into my room and sat me down on the bed. “Let’s wait for the doctor before you get in the shower, okay?”

“Fine.” I stood up and started for the door, but Cross stopped me by taking my hand.

“Carla, where are you going? You need to rest until the doctor gets here.”

“And I will, but I want to talk to Mark.” I pulled away from his hand and kept going toward the door.

“Alright,” he conceded, stopping me with his hands on my shoulders. “Get in bed though and I’ll have him come up here. I don’t want you walking around until your feet are checked out.”

“All right.” I planned on cleaning up a little before Mark came up, but Cross didn’t have to know that.

My brother came to stand before me and took my face in his hands. “I’m sorry this happened, Carla. If I could have stopped it, I would have. I hope you believe me.”

“You told me I needed a bodyguard, Cross. I should have asked more about why.” I sighed and took one of his hands in mine. “We’ll talk about this later, okay? I just don’t want Mark to worry anymore; he must have been out of his mind last night.”

He nodded, but I could see that for some reason he was hesitant now about Mark. I hoped Cross wasn’t blaming him for my abduction, the fault for that lay solely on my brother.

I quickly used the bathroom and brushed out my hair. I was walking back toward the bed when there was a knock on the door. When I opened it, Mark burst into the room and took me into his arms.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” he asked, his voice full of concern as he held me tightly. He kissed the side of my head and smoothed my hair as I started crying. “You’re safe,” he soothed. “Nothing’s going to happen to you here.” He carried me back to the bed and held me as I cried myself out.

“I’m so sorry,” I said when I had mostly calmed down. “It all happened so fast; I couldn’t get away.” I was talking more about the sex with Nick than the kidnapping itself, but of course Mark didn’t know that.

He leaned back far enough to look into my face. “Oh, honey, this isn’t your fault. I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

“I should have gone home,” I told him. “I should have listened when Cross wanted to give me a bodyguard. I’m so sorry, honey.”

“We’ll be more careful, okay?” he said, rubbing my back soothingly. “I’ll get a brand-new security system and it won’t happen again, baby.”

I started crying again. No amount of security would change what had happened today. “I tried to get away but he—he wouldn’t let me. I just wanted to go home, but I couldn’t—I couldn’t get away. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s all over now, baby,” he murmured, pulling me against his chest. “You’re away from them and you don’t have to worry about them anymore.”

I knew if I said anything else, I would confess everything. I wanted to come clean, I really did, but I knew I couldn’t take the contempt I thought I’d see in Mark’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall apart on you like that.” I sat back so that I could reach up and touch his face. “Cross seemed a little mad at you; I hope he isn’t blaming you for what happened.”

His eyes darkened when I mentioned Cross’ name, but he concealed it quickly and wiped the tears from my face. “I don’t want you to worry about Cross right now, okay? I want to take you away for a while, what do you think? I can take some time off.” Before I could answer there was a knock at the door. Mark kissed me lightly and stood up. “I bet that’s the doctor. I’ll get it.”

It was the doctor. He came in and examined my feet, assuring me that they would be fine if I stayed off them as much as possible until they healed completely. After the doctor left, I asked Mark to go down and check with Rosie about dinner while I took a bath.

“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?” he asked as he headed for the door.

“I’d really like that, Mark,” I said softly, “but I need to talk to Cross tonight, and I think it would be best if we were alone when I do it.”

I could tell he was disappointed, but he nodded and reached for the doorknob. “I’ll just go on home then and talk to you tomorrow then. Will you think about taking mini break? We can go wherever you like.”

“I’d like that, Mark, but come here a minute.” When he came back to stand by the bed expectantly, I reached up and took his hand, then stood up very close to him and put his hand around my back. “I’d like you to kiss me before you go, Mark.”

He seemed uncertain for a moment, but he pulled me to close and did as I’d asked. At first his lips were tentative, but soon his other hand slipped around me and the kiss changed, filling with hunger and desperation.

Before I could pull away, Mark did, holding me close and kissing my forehead. “Better?” he asked as he ran his hands up and down my back in a loving caress.

“Better.” I loved the feel of his arms around me.

With one last lingering kiss, he was gone.

I took a bath in water as hot as I could stand it. It took a lot of soap for me to realize I couldn’t scrub the lingering feel of Nick’s hands on my body. Finally, I gave up and got out, dressing casually before eating from the tray that had been brought up.

I was finishing bandaging my feet when Cross knocked on the door and entered the room. He sat my dinner tray on the desk and carried the chair closer to the bed. I watched him, wondering how I could have missed the fact that he was a mobster, and wondering what it meant to me and our relationship.

“How are you feeling?” he asked as he sat down.

“I’m fine, Cross,” I assured him. “Just a little sore. The doctor said my feet should be fine in a week or so.”

He nodded. “He told me the same thing before he left.” He paused to take a deep breath. “I know you’re probably really angry with me for not telling you about the family, Carla, but I’m hoping you’ll give me a chance to explain. I don’t want to lose the relationship we have. You’re my sister and I love you.”

“I love you too, Cross,” I said honestly. What had happened in the last two days hadn’t changed that. He was still my brother. “I can’t tell you what it meant to me to find out I had a family when I came to Vegas. It made me feel like I was coming home. I can understand why you didn’t tell me right away, but....” I shook my head a little and looked down at my hands for a long moment. “I would like you to explain it, Cross. I want to know why I was—why I had to go through that.”

He reached out to take my hand. “I’m so sorry this all happened, honey. When you first came to us, we needed to first establish that you were really Carlos’ daughter, to know that you were one of us. I thought about telling you the truth after we got the test results back, but certain members wanted to be sure that you could be trusted first. Some of the older generation thought that you might have been found by either the Luchiano’s or one of the families that still work in Chicago and had been planted here to spy. And just for the record, I never thought that for a second, but I decided to wait and see what happened.”

“And what did happen, Cross?” I demanded. “Did you think I couldn’t be trusted after all? Or were you just waiting to see if I was important enough to tell the truth?”

He looked down at our joined hands. “When the time came and the other members of the family and I knew that we could trust you, I started to wonder how exactly to tell you, but nothing seemed right. I knew that you would feel betrayed that I hadn’t been honest before. I was also worried about what you would say.” He met my eyes again. “I’m a businessman, Carla, and sometimes I have to do things that aren’t nice. There have been others in the family who’ve done worse, much worse than I ever have for the deal, or ever will for that matter. I’m not apologizing for what I’ve had to do in order to make the deal happen. I know that you’re probably thinking of every Hollywood movie that’s come out, but it’s not like that.”

“How can you say it’s not like that after what I just went through? Are you trying to tell me they wouldn’t have hurt me if you had refused them? Killed me?”

“Nick knew that there was no way I was going to refuse him,” he said quickly. “Not when it comes to your safety.”

“Nick knew,” I repeated, shaking my head. “What did you give up, Cross? What did it cost you to get me out of there?”

“I was going to invest in a new casino,” he told me. “But nothing is more important to me than your safety, Carla. You do understand that don’t you?”

How the hell was I supposed to respond to that? I didn’t understand, not really, but at least he was trying to explain. “I guess,” I said slowly. “It’s just a lot to take in, you know? To hear from some mobster that my brother is a mobster, hell, that my whole family is? It’s a hard pill to swallow.”

He smiled and got up to sit next to me on the bed. “I’m sorry that you had to find out like you did. I would have figured out a way to tell you somehow in the end, I just wish it hadn’t been this way,” he said as he pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head. “Are we okay then?”

“How can I say no after you got me out of there?” Though he hadn’t said so, I knew that if other members of the family had been in charge, they’d have left me with the Luchianos. “What happens now?”

“Well, you’re taking at least a week off, that’s for sure,” he insisted. “Longer if you want. After that, we go on and now Paulie stays with you instead of just following you.”

Paulie was an older man that had once been Carlo’s friend. I’d seem him at family dinners, and even at the Excalibur, but I’d had no idea he’d been tailing me. “Paulie has been following me?” I asked, sitting back and looking at Cross in surprise. “I guess I can’t argue too much, except... Mark wanted me to go away with him for a few days.”

“Yes, Paulie has been following you,” he confessed. “You wouldn’t let me put someone on you, so I had him follow you from a distance. If he had been with you that night, they would have never gotten to you, Carla. You see now why it’s important for you to have protection?”

“Yes, I see now, but if you’d told me–hell if you’d told me I probably would have gone running back to LA,” I said with a smile before getting serious again. “Does Mark know anything about the family being what they are?”

He guided my head down on his shoulder. “If he didn’t before he does now,” he said noncommittally. “Kind of hard to keep that under wraps you know, given what happened.”

I could hear the regret in his voice, but I had to look into his eyes, so I pulled back from him. “Cross, I need you to do me a favor, all right? I need you to stop hiding things from me.”

He took my face in his hands and kissed my forehead. “Okay, done.”

I put my hands over his. “Why are you so angry with Mark?”

He held my gaze for only a moment before looking away. “He shouldn’t have left you alone. He knows the security in his building is crap because I told him so about a month ago. He didn’t know how long he was going to be gone and he shouldn’t have had you stay like he did.”

He wasn’t really lying, but I thought he might still be holding something back. “Where was Paulie when th– when it happened?”

“Sitting in his car outside the building.” He pulled me close again. “Come to think of it, maybe I should put two men on you. That should keep Nick from thinking he could take you again. Not that there is a reason,” he assured me. “Just to be safe.”

If Cross wouldn’t tell me why he had sudden reservations about Mark, I was going to pretend they didn’t exist. “I think Mark and I are going to go away for a couple of days. Maybe visit a few friends in LA. What do you think?”

He went stiff at first, but then he relaxed. “Do what you want. I don’t like the idea of you not being around so I can keep an eye on you but then again, I think some time away might be nice as well. Why don’t you go up to the family house if Aspen? It will be quiet there this time of year and you can relax. What do you think?”

“I like the idea, but we’ll see what Mark says. I don’t think he’ll mind.” Though ski season was over, the cabin was always a good place to relax.

He didn’t stay much longer. I made a point to tell him Mark was coming to breakfast, and that Cross had to be nice to him.

I wasn’t sure I could sleep once he left, but eventually I fell asleep. My dreams were full of strong hands on my body that didn’t belong to Mark.

_I tried to tell Mark the truth, I really did, but I just couldn’t do it. He would hate me, as much as I hate myself. I didn’t tell him, and now I can never tell him. Thank God it’s over. Or is it? I don’t know why Cross seems to hate Mark now, but he does. I don’t know if he blames him for my kidnapping, or if something else happened while I was gone, but the results are the same. He doesn’t try to stop me from seeing him, but I can tell he doesn’t like him anymore. Cross isn’t very forgiving. I can’t imagine what he’d do if he ever found out what happened at the Luchiano house._


	14. Romantic Getaway

_I have a lover who loves me_   
_How could I break such a heart?_   
_ Joan Armatrading - The Weakness on Me _

OVER BREAKFAST, MARK agreed to go to Aspen with me. I was able to make all the arrangements with a quick call to Cross, who had already left for work. He arranged for the family plane to take us to Colorado, and for a car to be there waiting. Paulie went with us, of course.

The house was stocked with food, and there was plenty for us to do if we decided to stay in. I was still feeling a little confined and wanted to go shopping, but Mark had planned a special dinner, so I agreed to stay in.

Mark had been to the cabin with me before, and he insisted that I sit and do nothing but talk to him while he made dinner. He set up a very romantic setting in the living room, with lots of candles and a fire in the hearth. It was hard not to cry when I saw it. I knew I didn’t deserve it, or him, especially when his gentle kiss made me wish for him to be less careful with me, more like Nick had been.

If I’d have had my way, the kiss would have progressed to much more, but Mark seemed to have an iron control that let him pull back “We should eat before everything is cold,” he said with a smile, brushing my hair out of my face. I smiled and agreed

We sat near the coffee table and once again he wouldn’t let me do any of the work. He draped the napkin on my lap, fed me bite sized pieces of what he’d made, even held the wineglass to my lips. I’d never had anyone pamper me so thoroughly and was grateful that he didn’t ask any more from me. I did my best to relax and forget everything that had happened with Nick. I was happy with Mark, really happy, and glad that we were together again.

“Full?” he asked when the food was gone.

“Yes, it was wonderful,” I said as he took me into his arms. “Thank you, Mark.”

He kissed my temple. “I wanted to pamper you. I love you.”

I couldn’t stop the tears. This was the first time he’d mentioned love, and I sure as hell didn’t deserve it. I put my hand on the side of his face and kissed him. “I love you.”

His arms tightened around me and I leaned closer, deepening the kiss. He moved languidly, deliberately, pushing my hair back from my face so that he could kiss his way along my jaw down my neck. I relaxed and let him have his way with me, reveling in the difference in his touch from Nick’s. I put my hand on his chest and turned my head to give him all the access he needed.

His hand cupped my breast, teasing the nipple in a familiar way that made my heart beat faster. He knew just what to do to make my body respond. Though neither of us was in a hurry, soon we had our shirts off, and I was turning so that he could undo my bra.

After he kissed the back of my neck his hands went still. “Baby, what happened to your neck?” His voice was full of concern as he moved my hair aside to get a better look.

Vaguely I remembered Nick kissing at the back of my neck, but I sure as hell didn’t remember him giving me love bites there. “I told you, I tried to get away.” I turned in Mark’s arms and started kissing him again, but too soon he pulled away.

“Are you sure I’m not going to hurt you?” he asked softly. His touch was gentle, but I could tell he was angry at the thought of them hurting me. “How badly did they manhandle you?”

“I don’t want to think about it, honey. I just want to forget it ever happened.” I began kissing his neck, touching his chest, rubbing his nipples lightly, hoping to distract him.

It worked. He laid me back on the pillows he had spread for the two of us to sit on and slowly kissed his way down my body. When he got to my breasts, he took a nipple in his mouth and gently sucked on it. It felt good, there was no denying that, but I wanted more. I wanted him to be more aggressive in the way he touched me, more like—I forced myself to stop thinking of Nick, of the way that he’d touched me, but Mark knew something was wrong.

“What is it honey?” he asked, raising his head. “Am I hurting you?”

“No, baby,” I said with a smile. “Everything’s just fine.” I pulled his head to mine and kissed him. If I was a bit more aggressive than usual, it wasn’t intentional.

Mark responded to my aggressiveness with enthusiasm. He hands became more insistent on my body, parting my legs so that he could kneel between them. His lips were more demanding on mine, and he quickly unfastened my pants, pushing them downward as I helped him get them off. As I sat up to kiss him again, I ran my hands down his chest before removing the remains of his clothing.

A part of me liked the new style of our lovemaking. Mark wasn’t nearly as forceful as Nick had been, but it was a definite change from our usual encounters. I enjoyed it even as I hated myself for not being content with what we’d had before.

When it was over, I ran my fingers over his skin lightly, enjoying the feel of him, basking in the after glow. “I love you,” I whispered.

He ran a hand up the length of my body, starting at my hip and moving up to my hand, which he brought to his mouth and kissed the back of. “You are amazing,” he murmured, love shining in his eyes.

I pulled him down for another kiss before I could start crying again. It was too much to hear him speak the same words Nick had spoken. Was I good only when I was being bad? Had Nick changed me in some fundamental way I didn’t see? Did his touch burn out everything that I’d valued about myself? Mark saw my tears and soothed me for a moment before picking me up and carrying me off to the bedroom.

He curled against my back in the middle of the bed, and soon we were fast asleep. My dreams were strange, filled with images and sensations of sex. Sometimes it was Mark who was holding me and other’s it was Nick. I woke up in the morning in a cold sweat, my senses heightened with sexual tension. Mark was there beside me, sleeping peacefully. I woke him with my mouth, and we made love passionately until we were both spent and gasping for air. Afterward he held me close, stroking my back softly.

_It was so good to have my life back. I still feel guilty about what happened while I was a captive, but I’m doing my best to put it behind. Mark loves me and I love him. I’ll forget. Please, God, let me forget._


	15. The Changing Room

_And I guess I had it coming,_   
_My fault for not runnin’_   
_ Nickelback - Window Shopper _

WE DECIDED TO go shopping after breakfast. Mark cautioned me not to push myself, but I’d had enough of being confined. Paulie followed us faithfully, waiting near the door of every store we went into, being discreet, but always present.

The last boutique we went in had a small seating area that Mark could wait in while I tried on the clothing we’d chosen. The changing room was huge, the size of a small bedroom, with lots of mirrors and a large round chair in the center. I was sitting on the chair to rest my feet and buttoning up a white silk shirt when I heard someone come into the room behind me. I looked up, expecting the saleswoman who had gone for a different size pants. It wasn’t her.

Nick stood near the door like a predator, his eyes roaming my body possessively. “Hey, baby,” he said in a low voice. “Surprise.”

I was too surprised and frightened to scream. I stood up and backed away from him, staring with wide eyes as I held the shirt closed. I hadn’t put near enough distance between us when I felt the wall at my back.

“Why are you so surprised?” he drawled, putting his hands on his hips as he drank in the sight of me. “I told you we’d see each other again.” I opened my mouth to scream but before I could make a sound his hand was over my mouth, his body so close to mine I could feel his heat. “Let’s not bring in the hired help, shall we?” he murmured as he slipped his other arm around me. “I thought you’d be happy to see me, baby.”

Beneath his hand I shook my head no and fought to get away from him. He let go of my mouth and slid his fingers into my hair. “You aren’t happy to see me?” he pouted, moving even closer to me.

I kept trying to move away from him, but there was no where left to go. “Are you insane?” I hissed. “Paulie will kill you if he finds you here.”

He smiled. “Concerned for my welfare? Be careful, Carla, or I might think you care,” he teased softly before leaning in for a kiss that I somehow managed to avoid. “Don’t worry about me, baby. Your Paulie won’t see me unless I want him to.”

“I don’t want your blood on my hands, Nick,” I told him honestly. “I just want you to leave me alone. You’ve already gotten what you wanted from my brother. Kidnap me again and he’ll kill you.”

“That’s just it, baby. I’ve only had a taste of what I wanted,” he said in a low, seductive voice. His hand moved downward to settle against the thin satin of my panties.

“I’ve had more than enough,” I said venomously as I fought to get away from him. “I don’t need any more marks on my body from you, leave me alone!”

Nick looked at me in confusion. “I didn’t do anything to you that you didn’t want Carla.” His green eyes turned cold as he put his hands on my hips and held me still. “You wanted what happened in that room just as much as I did and you’re a liar if you say otherwise.”

“I never said any different, you bastard,” I hissed. I quit fighting him, knowing it was useless now, he was just too strong. “Just what the hell do you want from me?”

“I told you what I wanted,” he retorted harshly. “I want you but you’re playing hard ball and letting family loyalty get in the way. Carla, we could be happy together if you tried.”

I stared at him in stunned surprise. “Together? What exactly does that mean?”

He rolled his eyes and took my face in his hands. “I told you that I wanted the chance to see you. I want us to try seeing each other. I felt something with you, Carla, and I want to know what it was because I’ve never felt it before.”

“What, you never got fucked before?” I asked dryly.

His eyes clouded over with suppressed anger. “Stop trying to justify hating yourself for what you felt because it was with me, Carla. I’m not giving up on this so you should know that right now.” He smiled suggestively. “How’s your boyfriend?”

“Better than you,” I shot back with a smug look.

His smile turned into a grin. “Somehow I doubt that, or you wouldn’t have stopped trying to get away from me.” Before I could reply he brought his mouth to mine for a wet kiss that set my heart pounding. His hands held my face so that I couldn’t turn away. I just stood there, hoping that if I didn’t respond he’d stop and go away. Unfortunately, my body remembered too well what had happened the last time we were together and gradually I began returning the kiss.

His hands dropped from my face and moved on my body while we kissed, seeking out my breasts and all the other sensitive places he had found only days ago. The passion he aroused so easily was enough to make me start fighting him again.

“Stop it, damn it!” I demanded. “You may not care about—I care, damn it. We will not do this, not here.”

He smiled and nipped at the skin of my neck. “Where then?”

I knew he wouldn’t take no for an answer, but I couldn’t say yes. “I don’t know,” I moaned softly as I tried to push him away again. “Stop that, I can’t think.”

His lips were close to mine again, lightly brushing against them as he spoke. “Don’t think, just feel.” Then he captured my lips once more and his hands began to move, raising a response from my body I was helpless to resist.

Though I didn’t hear the saleswoman, I knew she’d be back at any moment. That she hadn’t come back already was a miracle. Somehow, I managed to pull my mouth away from his. “We can’t do this, not here, Nick, please. Not with him waiting for me.”

He pulled back and studied my face. “When then? I have to see you again.”

I was willing to tell him anything if it would get him to leave before someone found us this way. “I don’t know. When I get back to Vegas. A week?”

His hand slipped inside the partially buttoned blouse to find my nipple through the material of my bra. “Too long,” he insisted. “When are you going back to Vegas? I want to see you that day.”

“How am I supposed to do that?” I demanded angrily. “It might take me a couple of days to figure out how to get away.” I arched against his hand on my breast. “Wednesday then. Where?”

In a low voice he gave me a name that he’d have a suite reserved under at the Bellagio Hotel. After telling me he’d know when I checked in, he slid his hand inside of my underwear, immediately finding my most sensitive spot and making me weak with need. “Do you promise?” he asked softly

Hoping to avoid answering, I pulled his head to mine and kissed him passionately. He kept kissing me and touching me until I was ready to do anything he asked as long as he didn’t stop. “Promise me,” he insisted.

“Yes, fine, I promise.” I pulled him back for another kiss as I whispered, “I hate you.”

He smiled against my lips before claiming my mouth in a fiery kiss that, combined with the increased movements of his hand on my body, quickly drove me to release. I moaned into his mouth, hating him even as I wished for more time with him. I wanted to feel his skin against mine, wanted to feel him move deep inside of me.

When the last wave of pleasure had broken in my body, I pulled back from the kiss, gasping, angry. “I hate you.”

He kissed the tip of my nose. “Sure, you do.” Very slowly he dragged his fingers against the skin of my stomach, leaving a wet trail as evidence of my desire for him. He stepped away and licked the remains from his fingers. “I’ll see you in Vegas,” he promised as he headed for the door. Before leaving, he turned and gave me a stern look. “And don’t make me come find you again.” A moment later he was gone, the curtains falling into place behind him.

I stood there trembling for a long moment before I realized I couldn’t cower in the corner terrified until the saleswoman returned. I gathered myself and my clothing, getting dressed quickly.

I was so pale when the saleswoman returned that she went to fetch Mark before I could stop her. He was very concerned that I had over done it and insisted that we return to the cabin. I wasn’t about to argue with him, not even when he carried me to the car.

During the remainder of our time in Aspen I was careful not to be alone. The only time I couldn’t avoid it was when I was in the bathroom, and I kept that time as short as possible. I didn’t know what I was going to do on Wednesday, but I knew I didn’t want to test Nick’s patience. If he could find me in Aspen, he could find me anywhere.

_If he can get to me in a dressing room in Aspen, with a bodyguard only feet away, he can get to me anywhere. I don’t feel safe anymore. God, why can’t he just leave me alone? Why can his touch do such things to my mind? My body? I hate him, I hate him. I must make him leave me alone._


	16. Rendezvous

_I’ve been a bad, bad girl_   
_I’ve been careless with a delicate man_   
_ Fiona Apple - Criminal_

AFTER WE GOT home, I spent the next few days avoiding Mark. He understood that I needed some time home to rest and didn’t press the issue. I also spent my time trying to figure out how to get away from my bodyguards long enough to meet Nick at the Bellagio. It wasn’t that I wanted to meet him, not really, but I knew that if I didn’t show up, he would make things difficult for me. I hoped I could convince him face to face to leave me alone.

Wednesday morning, I decided that I could probably slip out while I was working. The Excalibur had enough guards on duty that Paulie wasn’t as stringent about staying close to me. I managed to slip out the employee entrance and find a cab to take me to the Bellagio.

Halfway across the lobby I had second thoughts. I headed for the bathroom to collect myself and figure out what the hell I was doing. I didn’t know if I could go through with this meeting, but I knew that if I didn’t, Nick would find some way to get to me, and there was every chance we’d get caught next time. For the sake of my relationship with Mark, and for Cross, I had to make Nick listen to reason.

Looking in the mirror I saw the too conservative suit I’d worn, but against my skin I could feel the lace teddy I’d put on underneath. I knew the right thing to do would be to leave right now, but I couldn’t make myself walk out the door. A part of me wanted Nick, wanted to know if what we’d shared was a fluke.

Ten minutes later I was walking into the suite that Nick had reserved. The room was very nice, lots of seating areas, a great view, and a fully stocked mini bar. The bedroom and bed were huge, and the bathroom had a tub big enough to fit a half a dozen people.

I threw the key down on the table and crossed to the window. I tried to hold in my mind every reason why I couldn’t ever do this again, why I had to break things off with Nick before they went any further.

About the time I’d talked myself into leaving, Nick walked in. He stood in the doorway grinning for a moment, then crossed the room with quick strides. “I was beginning to wonder if you would come.”

I held out a hand to stop him before he could get to me. “I’m not staying. I only came to tell you we can’t do this. I want you to leave me alone.”

He stopped dead in his tracks, the smile on his face fading as he stared at me. “Carla… you don’t mean that.”

“I-I do,” I said, my voice catching. I wanted to really mean it. I hoped I did. “Even if our families weren’t… whatever they are, I’d still have to say no, for Mark. I know you don’t care that I’m in a relationship, but I do. Mark and I love each other, we have the possibility of really building something lasting, and I don’t want to lose that, not for this.”

He closed the distance between us and reached out to touch my face. “You don’t mean that, baby,” he said firmly.

“I do.” My voice sounded pleading, but it was the best I could do. “Please, Nick. Forget this. Let me go back to my life.”

He slid his fingers into my hair, and I knew he could force me to kiss him, but he didn’t, not yet. “If I thought for a second that you meant that I might,” he told me as he put his other hand on my hip. “Can you forget this?” he demanded as his hand moved upward toward my breast.

Even so light a touch was enough to make me sway toward him and scatter my thoughts. I licked my lips and fought to clear my mind of the passion already clouding it. “I-I want to. I wish I’d never met you,” I swore. “Haven’t you taken enough from me? Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

He leaned toward me and smiled. “I can’t leave you alone, baby. You’re in my blood now. I’m addicted.” He stepped closer and kissed me, taking possession of my senses with the feel of his lips on mine, his hands on my body.

I tried once more to push him away, but he didn’t budge. As pleasure swept through me, I clutched at his shirt and returned the kiss will all the anger, frustration and need that burned inside of me.

He pulled me against him roughly, his hands going around to cup my bottom possessively and bring me even closer. Fire leapt from his body to mine as it always did when he touched me. He groaned into my mouth as he started moving me backward.

With a moan I put my arms around his neck and pressed my body against his, enjoying his roughness, the feel of him against me. I wanted to stay where we were, stay in the moment where passion overruled my senses and I could believe that after this one kiss I’d pull away and leave him standing here.

Nick’s hands moved under my jacket and pushed it off my shoulders just before I felt the wall at my back. I pulled back and looked at him in surprise, wondering how he’d gotten me so far without my realizing it. Then I realized I didn’t care. My hands pushed his jacket out of my way so that I could touch his body, feel the muscles of his back, his sides through his thin shirt.

He kissed his way to my neck, and I turned my head, relishing the heat of his breath on my skin. His hands pulled my shirt upward, freeing it from my pants. He took my hands and lifted them against the wall above my head, not moving when I tested his grip and found myself helpless. I didn’t move as he pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it to the floor.

I reached for his tie, wanting it gone, wanting his shirt gone, wanting to feel him inside of me again so bad I could taste it, and not sure I could wait until our clothes were off. He helped me undo the top buttons of his shirt before impatiently pulling it over his head. His hands caressed my breasts as he kissed me again, making me wild with need.

My hands stroked his chest then trailed down his skin as I reached for his pants, undoing the button at the waist and dipping my fingers a little beneath the material for a moment before I slid my hand inside to feel the hard length of his passion.

He groaned at my touch. “That’s it, baby,” he whispered against my mouth as he thrust against my hand. He pulled the straps of my teddy down my shoulders and as far down my body as he could. I freed my arms of them and tugged his pants down to his knees before taking him into my hands and touching him, feeling him, exploring the silken hard length of him. Part of me wanted to get on my knees and learn every inch of him with my mouth, but the rest of me was too impatient with need.

Nick was impatient too, growling with it as he reached for the button of my pants. His concentration was broken by my touch, and finally I had to let go of him and take my pants off, making sure that the teddy went with them, leaving me naked.

When he moved back to me, he was naked as well, and the touch of our bare skin made me dizzy with need. I pressed my body against his and kissed his neck, my hands roaming his skin, feeling his back, butt and hips. His hands cupped my face, bringing my lips to his for a kiss that was both hot and deep. I felt his manhood pressed against my stomach and moaned into his mouth.

“God, you’re almost too much,” he gasped as his hands slipped to the backs of my thighs, lifting me, bringing my legs up on either side of his waist.

I couldn’t wait any longer, I had to have him now. Putting one hand on his shoulder, I slid the other between us to guide him into me. I moved downward quickly, taking in as much of him as I could as hard and as fast as I could.

He inhaled sharply, holding himself deep within my body for a moment before beginning a dizzying rhythm of thrusts that left me gasping for release. I felt his teeth on my throat, but I still had the wits to push his head away, whispering ‘no marks’ as I ran my hands over his shoulders, arms and back. Sweat glistened on our skin as he moved to kiss me again. I moaned softly, hating myself for wanting him so badly, but never wanting this moment to end.

All too soon, it did. After catching his breath, he carried me to the bedroom. The feel of him still hard inside of me kept desire running through my veins. We took our time with each other, and the resulting pleasure was nearly more than I could bear.

He seemed euphoric afterward. He held my hand, caressing the palm with his thumb. I couldn’t take it, couldn’t take the gentle movements, or the way it made me feel soft and warm inside. I fled to the bathroom.

It didn’t take long to use the facilities and find a washcloth to clean up with. I really wanted a shower, but I’d already spent too much time away from the Excalibur. Once I felt as clean as I was going to get without a bath, I walked through the bedroom and into the living room where my clothes still lay on the floor.

“Ignoring what we’ve done won’t make it go away,” Nick called from the bedroom.

I knew he was right but ignoring him now would help me get out of there faster. He walked out of the bedroom as I was pulling my pants on and stood there naked watching me do them up.

“When do I get to see you again?” he asked.

“Never,” I replied as I reached for my shirt.

“That’s not good enough.”

“Too bad.” I refused to even look at him, turning away to pull my shirt on over my head.

I heard him approach and a moment later he spoke in my ear. “Why do you continue to deny what we have?”

“What we have is sex,” I told him firmly. “I can get that anywhere.”

One of his arms went around my waist to pull me back against his hard body as he swept my hair from the side of my neck. His mouth left burning trails of need on my skin. “It’s not just sex and you know it.”

“No, I don’t know,” I denied hotly.

His thumb moved across my abdomen. “You’re just not listening to yourself, you’re not listening to me,” he whispered against my skin.

“I hate you,” I growled even as I moved my head a little, wanting to feel more of his breath and lips.

He chuckled softly, sending waves of warm air across my skin. He pulled me close enough to feel his hardness pressing into my back. His hand moved the fabric of my blouse downward and his teeth settled lightly into the flesh of my shoulder. When I tried to move away, he let me take one step before pulling me backward.

“When can I see you again?” he repeated.

“You can’t,” I told him. “This has to be over.”

“That’s not good enough, and you know it,” he replied as his hand moved lower on my stomach.

“I can’t do this,” I said softly. “I can’t lie to Mark and I can’t lie to my brother. Besides, it was hard enough getting away from the bodyguards today; I can’t imagine they’ll let me out of their sight again.”

“I can come to you.”

“Yes, because that’ll work,” I said dryly. I could just imagine Nick’s blood staining the tile in the entryway of the Cross’ home.

“It can, if you want it,” he insisted.

“I don’t want it,” I shot back. “I want you to leave me alone.”

That only made him laugh again. “I think we’ve already proven that it’s really not an issue. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to me. Are you going to be home tonight?”

“If you come to the house, Cross will kill you.”

“He’ll never know I’m there,” he whispered against my neck.

He sounded so sure, but I knew that he’d never get past all the men Cross had posted around the house. “Come to the house then, die for all I care,” I bit out as I pulled away from him. “At least then you’ll leave me be.” To my surprise, he let me go. I grabbed my jacket out from underneath his and put it on quickly.

“I’ll be there at ten, be waiting,” he warned me. “And I like that little, ah… that you’ve got on. Wear something like that.”

“I’ll wear it to your funeral,” I shot back as I headed for the door.

“See to it that you have it on tonight.” His voice was hard as granite, and when I turned to look at him, something in his stance reminded me so much of my brother. Even naked Nick exuded power, when he spoke, he expected to be obeyed. I knew that if I wasn’t wearing sexy underwear tonight and he somehow made it through to my room, there would be hell to pay.

I barely managed to leave the room before my control broke. Fear drove me running down the hall, praying for a miracle.

_I should never have gone to meet him. I hoped that I would be able to get him to see—see what? I don’t know, but I’m afraid the only thing he saw was how easily he can make me fall into his bed. I hate him, hate the fact that he can do things to my body that Mark never came close to._


	17. Fear and Pleasure

_Feeling guilty, worried_   
_I’m waking from tormented sleep_   
_ Joan Armatrading - The Weakness in Me _

CROSS WAS PISSED when he found out I was back. I told him that I’d gone over to the Tropicana for lunch and he nearly went through the roof.

“You went to the Tropicana? Do you have any idea who owns the Tropicana?”

From the tone of his voice I thought I already knew. “No, but I have a feeling you’re gonna tell me.”

“Let’s just say that unless you want to be house guest for the Luchiano’s again, stay away from the Tropicana,” he ordered.

Well at least he couldn’t call over to check that I’d been there. “Don’t you think you should have told me this?” I demanded. “It’s right across the street, Cross, and I’ve been in there before.”

“If I’d known you didn’t know, I would have told you,” he shot back.

“Tell you what,” I said irritably, “why don’t you sit down and write a list of places I have to stay away from? I’m sure there’s quite a few.”

“You just need to stay away from the Luchiano held casinos,” he replied.

“Those are?”

“The Tropicana, the Riviera, and the Palms when it’s done.” His voice was hard on the last one, and I closed my eyes. It was because of me that the Luchiano’s had gotten control of the Palms, because of Nick, the man that I’d spent the afternoon fucking.

When Cross finally calmed down, we agreed to meet at the house for dinner. I went home early, anxious to get the smell of Nick off my skin.

I stood in the closet for a long time looking at my selection of lingerie. I didn’t believe that Nick might make it into the house let alone into my room, but there was always a chance that he might. Finally, I chose a black teddy that I’d bought for Mark and never had the courage to wear. The top was tight fitting and came to my waist, and the bottoms were mostly just lace around the hips. I covered the teddy with a red dress.

At dinner I was able to bring the conversation around to the Luchianos by asking about places I needed to stay away from. I learned that Nick’s name was not Luchiano after all, it was Smitts. Nick was Sophia’s nephew; even though she had a daughter, Sophia was gearing Nick to take over because she wanted the family to be controlled by a man.

It took some convincing, but Cross agreed to get me a gun, and have someone teach me how to use it. He told me he’d have someone take me to the shooting range before the week was over.

I probably drank more wine at dinner than usual. I know I was a bit tipsy when I went to my room around eight. I ended up falling asleep on the fainting couch in my room and dreamed about making love with Mark.

When I felt the hands on my legs pushing my skirt up, I thought it was just part of the dream and whispered Mark’s name. Big mistake. The fingers on my legs tightened for a moment, then moved away. I felt a hand go behind my neck and into my hair, lifting me for a rough kiss that brought me wide awake.

I tried to push the man’s hand from my breast and turned my head to avoid his kiss. The more I fought him, the more he seemed to like it. I could feel his knee between my legs, making it impossible for me to kick him. He grabbed my upper arms in a rough grip and shook me enough to get my attention.

“Let me go!” I hissed.

I could see that Nick was dressed all in black, but he didn’t look like he was armed. He let me drop back to the couch. “I’m not your little boyfriend,” he growled. “You knew I was going to be here. Maybe I’ll have to take care of him so that he’s no longer around for you to call out to.”

“No,” I begged softly.

He bent lower, closer to me, and while his face had softened a little, he still looked angry. “Then let’s try this again. Why don’t you greet me properly?”

“Nick, please,” I whispered.

He just raised an eyebrow and waited.

I reached out and touched his chest then ran my hand upward around his neck. Raising up a little from the couch, I pulled him downward and pressed my lips softly against his. At first, he didn’t respond, but he didn’t move away either, so I knew this was what he wanted. When I put more heat into the kiss, he started kissing me back.

After a few moments, he pulled away. “You taste like wine.”

“I drank a little,” I admitted.

He glanced to the table where the empty glass and bottle sat. “Why don’t you go get some more and another glass?”

I lowered myself to the couch and looked up at him in surprise. “What makes you think I won’t bring Cross back with me?”

He cupped my breast in his hand, his thumb running across the nipple which tightened painfully at his touch. “Why would you want to do that? I’m a guest; don’t you want to want to make your guest comfortable?”

“You’re an enemy of this house,” I reminded him softly.

His eyes narrowed dangerously, and he moved away to stand beside the couch. “Stop delaying and just go get me something, I’m thirsty,” he barked.

My heart was pounding with fear as I stumbled to my feet. I’d barely made the door when he called my name. I turned to see him standing near the desk, his hand on a frame that held a picture of Mark and me laughing together.

“Don’t be long,” he ordered, slamming the frame face down on the desk.

I fumbled with the doorknob and fled. I stopped just outside the door and tried to calm my racing heart. I could see the light coming from beneath Cross’ door, but I couldn’t take the chance that I’d been wrong about Nick being unarmed. I’d never be able to live with myself if Nick somehow managed to kill my brother. I thought the best thing I could do would be to appease him and hope that he left without incident.

The bar was near the bottom of the stairs. I grabbed a bottle of wine and an extra wine glass before searching for a corkscrew. Hesitating a moment, I decided to take a second, more expensive bottle of wine too. I didn’t want Nick to have any excuse to send me back downstairs.

When I got back to my room, I saw that Nick had been busy going through my room. He closed the drawer he’d been going through and looked pleased at what I’d brought back with me. I was just thinking about hitting him with one of the bottles when he took them from me. He looked the labels over closely before opening the more expensive bottle and pouring out two glasses. He handed me one then touched it lightly with his glass.

“To my lovely hostess,” he saluted as he lifted his glass.

“To my bastard lover,” I shot back.

He grinned and took a big drink of his glass. “You shouldn’t talk about Mark like that.”

Without thinking I struck out at him, but he managed to avoid the slap and grab my wrist. “Be careful,” he warned in a low voice.

I stood there watching as he took another drink. Finally, he let go of my wrist to take my wine glass and lift it to my lips. Knowing I’d pushed him enough for one night, I sipped at the wine.

“Your room is interesting,” he said softly. “I didn’t expect it to be so… princess-y.”

“What did you expect?” I asked.

“You’re obviously a cultured woman, smart, mature,” he murmured. “I don’t know, I guess I expected a little more of that to show. Let me guess, did your brother decorate for you?”

“Yes,” I ground out.

He nodded but looked like he had a bad taste in his mouth. “You really should redo it, make it more you.”

The hand holding my wine moved upward to brush the knuckles against the side of my face, but I shied away from it. Taking the glass from his hand I downed it and walked away from him, avoiding the bed.

“You look lovely tonight,” he told me.

“Cross and I had dinner.”

“Oh, how sweet,” he drawled as he moved to sit on the bench at the foot of the bed. When I ignored him, he added, “The dress is beautiful, but why don’t you take it off for me?”

I turned to look at him. “And if I said no?”

“Would that really matter?”

Of course, it wouldn’t. I’d had no say in our relationship from the moment his men had taken me from Mark’s apartment, and the way things were going I would never have a say. I knew I had to get away from him now and tell Cross the truth, or I’d spend the rest of my life afraid to be alone. I carefully set the wine glass down on the desk and made a break for the door, never really expecting to get it open, let alone make it through to the hallway.

Before I could take two steps down the hall, Nick grabbed my wrist and pulled me back against his chest roughly. “Why do you insist on making this hard?” he demanded. When I continued to fight him, he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me back into the bedroom.

With what seemed like little effort he threw me across the room where I landed half on the fainting couch and half on the floor. I realized very quickly that while he hadn’t hurt me with his show of force, he quite easily could have.

He closed and locked the door before walking toward me. “What do I gotta do, Carla?” he asked angrily, making no effort to be quiet. “What do I gotta do to prove to you that I’m being sincere?”

I pushed off the couch and got to my feet with some difficulty. Part of me wanted to curl into a little ball on the floor, but I was a Cordelone, damn it, and I wasn’t going to let Nick see me cowed. “What do I have to do to make you leave me alone?”

His face softened, making him look more like a loving suitor than an intruder in my room. He reached out and cupped my face gently. “Baby I’m sorry, you make me so crazy, I just wanna be with you so bad, and you won’t believe me, you won’t give me a chance. All I want is a chance, can’t you see that?”

I knew he had to be crazy for coming here, for blaming this on me, but in a way he was right. If I hadn’t let myself respond to him, we wouldn’t be here tonight. If I had gone to Cross when he’d sent me for the wine, Nick would be dead, and this would be over. Or Cross would be dead, and I’d be at Nick’s mercy.

“I’m sorry,” I said softly, my voice shaking.

He pulled me closer, tucking my face down against his chest. “Oh, baby, it’s all right,” he soothed. “I know it’s hard to understand, but it’s true, I just wanna be with you.”

I knew now that there was no way to get away from him tonight. If I didn’t play along, he might really hurt me, Cross or Mark. Sex with Nick wasn’t so bad, it wasn’t like we hadn’t done it before. “I know.”

“Then let’s start over, okay?” When I nodded against his shirt, he pulled back and gave me a soft kiss. He poured us both another glass of wine and we drank in silence. “Better?”

I nodded, afraid that if I answered any other way, he’d get angry again and really hurt me.

“Good. Now, where were we?” He took my glass and sat it on the nearby table. “I remember, the dress.” His voice turned hard and I knew that he hadn’t yet forgiven me for trying to get away from him. “Take it off.”

There was no choice here, I had to do what he wanted and hope that the sex would appease him. I turned my back to him and slowly brought the zipper downward to reveal the black lace teddy underneath. I let the dress fall from my shoulders revealing the line of my back and buttocks to his gaze. I stepped out of the dress slowly and laid it on the foot of the fainting couch before turning to face him. I was too afraid of him to be embarrassed.

“Ah, baby, I knew you wouldn’t let me down,” he purred. He grabbed my waist and pulled me against him almost roughly. Leaning to one side, he sat his glass down before bending me back over his arm so he could kiss my neck and upper chest. I grabbed his shoulders to steady myself as his hand moved between my legs, sending waves of desire through my body. “I’ll bet you bought this and didn’t have the guts to wear it for your boyfriend. I’m glad you wore it for me.”

“I didn’t think you’d come,” I gasped.

“I said I would, didn’t I?” His touch became more firm on my body and my hips convulsed, thrusting against his hand. “How could I stay away?”

His touch was like a fire in my blood, consuming all will to fight him. I gasped at the pleasure he was forcing on me, clutched at his shoulders for balance. I knew if he let me go, I wouldn’t have enough strength in my legs to stand.

Abruptly he moved his hand away and set me on my feet, his hands hard on my shoulders until I could focus enough to stand. “Take the rest of it off, Carla,” he ordered harshly.

I did what he told me to, knowing there was no other choice, not even wanting one at that point. I watched him take off his shirt while my skin ached to feel his touch again. He laid me back on the couch and came down on top of me. His hands were warm against my breasts, his lips sweet on my tongue.

He slid down my body, touching and kissing me everywhere. He played me like an instrument, making my body sing with need. He brought me to the brink of bliss and then left me there, dangling over ecstasy’s precipice.

“Tell me what you want, Carla,” he whispered against the sensitive skin of my inner thigh. “Do you want me to leave now?”

I reached for him, but he ignored my hands. “No,” I moaned. “Please, no.”

“Tell me what you want,” he insisted.

I looked down to find him watching me intently. “You, Nick. I want you.”

His fingers touched me lightly, too lightly, making me want him even more. “That’s not good enough. Maybe I should go.”

“Please Nick,” I begged. “I want you to stay with me, please don’t leave.” Yes, I begged my enemy to stay. I’m not proud of it, but I couldn’t do anything else.

We fucked. Fuck seems like such a harsh word, but in this case it fits. We fucked for hours. He couldn’t seem to get enough of me, and I certainly couldn’t get enough from him. By the time he finally let me fall asleep I was too exhausted to move away from his encircling arms.

Hours later the alarm was like a laser cutting through my sleep. I reached over and hit the snooze button and rolled back into bed, curling against the hard length of warmth that lay next to me. Strong arms pulled me close and I rubbed my face against his chest, enjoying the closeness.

A moment later I sat bolt upright. Nick was lying in the middle of my bed, and the sun was coming up. I had to shake him awake, and even then, he wasn’t real concerned about someone finding him with me. Honestly, within minutes I wasn’t too concerned either.

This time he made love to me, slow and lingering. If I hadn’t known he was my enemy, I might have said lovingly. I’d thought nothing could feel better than the sex we had the night before. Nick proved me wrong.

Eventually I realized that if I didn’t go to work, Cross would come looking. Nick disappeared while I was in the shower.

_Sweet Jesus, he scares me. In my wildest nightmare I would have never thought he’d really show up. He was so angry when I called him Mark, so angry when I tried to leave. When the anger burns in his eyes it makes me want to do anything to sooth him. The teddy I had on seemed to work quite well for that purpose. I hate him, God I hate him, but I can still feel his hands on my body, still smell him on my skin. I hate him, but I can’t think when he touches me. _


	18. Complications

_There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy._   
_ Dante_

NICK CALLED ME at work the next day, pretending to be a potential client. He tried to convince me that he really cared about me, that he wanted us to have a real relationship, and he even had a plan to make it happen.

“I have some information on Sophia that I might be able to use to convince her to leave us alone,” he said earnestly. “All you have to do is find something we can use against Cross.”

“I’m not using anything against my brother,” I retorted. “You’ve had your fun, Nick. It’s time to leave me alone.”

“I can’t, baby,” he crooned. “I have to see you again. This will work, I know it will.”

“No. Don’t call me again.” I hung up without waiting for a reply. He tried calling several times over the next few days, but somehow, I managed to avoid talking to him.

On Tuesday, Cross took me out to the firing range where he handed me a Walther PPK and showed me how to use it. It fit well in my hand, and I could hit the target more often than not by the time we left. I wasn’t sure I liked having a gun in my purse, but it certainly made me feel better, made me feel safe.

The next day Mark and I had lunch together. He told me he was going to LA for the weekend, and I invited myself along. Mark didn’t seem to mind, he was happy to have some time alone with me, although he warned me that he would have to do quite a bit of work while we were gone.

Cross sent both Paulie and Donny, who was a Cordelone cousin several times removed. He was a lot younger than Paulie, only a few years older than I was, but he was just as serious about protecting me as Paulie was.

We got into LA on Thursday morning, and Mark had a business meeting that afternoon. It didn’t take very long; he explained that the important meeting was the next day. That night we went out on the town, all four of us. None of us knew the city well, but it wasn’t difficult to find several interesting clubs. In one of them Mark introduced me to Andrew Campbell, a businessman who was also living in Las Vegas, although I didn’t know how they knew each other. We spent the next few hours talking with Andrew, who seemed pleasant enough.

“You work at the Excalibur,” he said to me. “What is it you do there?”

“Carla is their interpreter,” Mark answered, sounding proud. “She knows eight different languages fluently.”

“How interesting,” he murmured. “Isn’t the Excalibur owned by the Cordelone family?”

“It is,” I replied. “Cross is my brother.”

“I wasn’t aware that Carlo had a daughter,” he said with an interested look in my direction.

“It was a surprise to many people,” I assured him with a smile. “I didn’t know myself until I came to Vegas two years ago.”

“I haven’t been in the city long myself,” he admitted. “I lived in New Orleans for many years.”

The talk turned to the city of his birth, and I never thought twice about admitting I was Cross’ sister. I should have.

The next day Mark had a meeting scheduled for three in the afternoon. He made sure I had the business name and address in case there was a problem. “I’ll be done by six or so,” he told me. “Why don’t we meet for dinner at eight?” We agreed on a restaurant, and he gave me one last kiss before he walked out the door. It was the last time I saw him.

When he didn’t show up at the restaurant by eight, Paulie called the hotel, but Mark hadn’t been back there. We decided to do a drive by the address his appointment had been at, but it turned out to be an empty space. When we called information, we found that the company didn’t exist in LA.

I called Jora when we got back to the hotel. She was very concerned for Mark’s safety and assured me that she would call the police for me. She also said that Mark hadn’t told her very many details about his meeting in LA, which was unusual.

By ten I was nearly out of my mind with worry. I called Cross and he was in LA within two hours, sitting with me while I talked to the police. He stayed with me the rest of the weekend, but by Monday both of us knew we weren’t going to find Mark. We went home.

The night after we’d returned home, I was working late at the Excalibur when Jora stopped by. She didn’t have any news of Mark, other than the police had told her not to expect anything. They seemed to believe that he’d simply walked away from his life, but neither of us believed it.

It wasn’t long before Nick was back in town and calling me at work again.

“You have to meet me, Carla,” he insisted.

I laughed harshly. “Cross has doubled my bodyguards. There’s no way I can meet you, even if I wanted to.”

“You want to, I know you do. You will find a way,” he demanded.

I didn’t bother to reply before I replaced the phone on its cradle, but that didn’t make Nick go away. He kept calling the office until I finally had to tell my assistant to only allow calls through from Cross, Nana, Jora or Mark.

That night I woke to a hand over my mouth. A moment later I was trapped when a hard male body lay down on top of the blankets I was covered with. I couldn’t get my arms free, couldn’t even fight him effectively.

“I’m not going to hurt you, baby,” Nick whispered against my cheek. “Calm down.”

I froze obediently, but when he lifted his hand from my mouth, I took in a breath to scream. He felt it and covered my mouth again, muting my cries for help.

“Carla, I told you I’m not going to hurt you,” he said reasonably. “Do you really want Cross to bust in here? Stop it.” His words made me stop fighting for real. He moved his hand away slowly, watching me carefully.

“You killed him, didn’t you?” I demanded softly.

“Cross?” He sounded confused.

“Mark.”

He reached over and turned on the bed side light before looking down at me again. He was wearing all black, and a concerned expression on his face. “I didn’t kill him, Carla.”

“You did, I know you did,” I hissed. “You said you were going to.”

“No, no,” he protested quickly. “I was just-I just wanted you to cooperate. I didn’t kill Mark, I swear it.”

I looked into his eyes and I couldn’t make myself believe he was lying. He held me while I cried, then kissed the tears from my face.

“I didn’t kill him,” he said as he comforted me. “I wouldn’t hurt you like that, baby.”

“I shouldn’t, but I believe you,” I sighed.

He left me long enough to take off his shirt and slide under the covers with me. As much as I craved the feel of his touch, I knew it was wrong.

“Nick, why can’t you leave me alone?” I breathed.

He chuckled softly and pushed up the oversized tee shirt I was wearing until my breasts were naked to his view. His fingers caressed the bared skin, bringing my nipples to hard painful points. “I can feel your body ignite when I touch you,” he whispered as he watched his hand move downward across my skin. I felt it slide beneath the silk of my underwear and between my legs, parting the wet folds of my body, making me gasp. “It’s like liquid fire,” he continued, bending to lay light kisses along the line of my breast. He thrust his fingers inside of me and my hips moved to bring him deeper. “You’re in my blood, and I know damn well I’m in yours. The question isn’t ‘why can’t I leave you alone,’ baby,” he whispered against my skin. “It’s ‘why would you want me to?’”

As much as I hated him, I knew he was right. It didn’t matter that we were enemies. It didn’t matter that I missed Mark, even mourned him. It didn’t matter that Cross would never forgive me if he found out. I knew it didn’t make sense, but that didn’t matter either. I wanted Nick, craved his touch with every part of my being.

I put my hands on either side of his face and dragged it upward toward mine. When our lips met it sent all thoughts scattering from my mind. I let our passion drive everything else away until the only thing left was our desire for each other.

_I hate him. I hate that he can make me forget everything, even Mark’s death. I would kill him if I could._


	19. Considerate Enemy

_Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies_   
_So, I don’t know what’s real and what’s not_   
_ Evanescence - Going Under_

I WAS AT the Circle Bar with my cousin Nia when I spotted Andrew Campbell across the room. I turned away, hoping he hadn’t seen me, but it was too late.

“Good evening, Miss Blair,” he said from behind my chair.

I turned and looked up at him. “Mr. Campbell, I didn’t know you were back in town.”

“Yes, I’ve been back for several nights now.” He glanced at Nia and Paulie before looking back at me. “I heard about Mark’s disappearance, I’d like to offer you my aid, should you need it.”

I looked away. “Thank you, but I’m not sure what you could do, Mr. Campbell.”

“Andrew, please,” he said with a charming smile. “I feel that the least I can do is distract you from your worries. Perhaps you would like to dance?”

I didn’t, not really, but it seemed a harmless enough request, and Andrew was charming enough that a dance might be able to take my mind off things. I agreed.

The dance floor was crowded with couples moving to the slow beat of the ballad playing. Andrew filled the space between us with witty conversation that soon had me laughing. I certainly wasn’t paying attention to what he was dancing me toward until he reached behind me to open a door and led me through it.

“What’s going on?” I demanded, concerned about my safety for the first time. Paulie was still sitting with Nia, and the gun Cross had given me was in a purse under my chair.

“I know a way to erase your worries,” Andrew told me as I backed away from the intensity in his eyes. “Relax, Carla, and let it happen.”

“What are you talking about?” I looked around and saw another door across the room behind me. “Stop playing games, Andrew. Paulie will be here in a moment. You’d do better to let me go than deal with him.”

His low laughter cut across my skin. “I’m not afraid of your goon,” he told me. “There are far more frightening things to fear in the dark.”

“Like what?”

“Me.” He smiled, and at the sight of his gleaming fangs I turned and ran for the door. I’d barely taken two steps when he grabbed me from behind, pulling me back by my hair over his arm and baring my throat to his teeth.

I tried to fight, really, I did, but the moment his fangs sunk into my flesh I was lost. I drowned in a sea of rapture that was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. It rivaled even the memory of Nick’s lovemaking. The world went dark on the edges, and soon the darkness sucked me under.

I woke to hunger and darkness. There was a heavy copper taste on my tongue. I opened my eyes and had to blink a few times before I realized I was lying in the back of a limo. Andrew was sitting across from me looking very pleased with himself.

“You bastard,” I growled. My voice didn’t sound like mine. Hell, my body didn’t feel like mine. I ached with hunger; it was a driving force within me.

He laughed. “And you, my dear, are my ticket to the power of the Cordelones.”

I rolled to the side and licked at the traces of blood on my lips. The hunger flared and nearly consumed me. “Cross will kill you,” I swore.

“Your brother will thank me.” He reached across and dragged me toward him by my hair. “You wanted some fresh air, so I took you outside,” he said firmly. My head spun. A part of me knew he was lying, but another part said he was right, even remembered it the way he said it had happened. “We were attacked. You were nearly killed. I gave you my blood to save you, Carla. You would have died if I hadn’t been there. Do you remember?”

I felt dizzy, weak, like I could barely think. “Yes, I remember,” I whispered. “You saved me.”

He smiled and let me fall back onto the seat.

As we rode through the brightly lit streets of Las Vegas, Andrew explained what it meant to be a vampire, for that was what he’d made me. We went to his house on the outskirts of town. I wanted to call Cross, to tell him what had happened, but Andrew wouldn’t let me. I cried then, bloody tears of sorrow for my lost humanity. Andrew stood there and watched without saying a word.

The worst part about being a vampire was the hunger. Andrew was very clear about what I was hungry for, but he refused to give it to me. He said that I had to learn how to control the need that burned a hole in my thoughts and showed no sympathy even when I begged him to let me feed.

He talked that night of bloodlines and clans, laws and the Masquerade. I listened because I knew I would need the information to survive, but I sure as hell didn’t like what he’d made me. It would have been downright easy to hate him had I not believed that he’d saved me from death.

Near sunrise he left me alone in a room with dark heavy curtains over the windows. I could feel dawn coming, feel it creeping toward me, stealing my will, my consciousness. I was frightened, so very frightened. I wanted to talk to Cross, to see him, to hear him tell me that everything was going to be all right even though I knew it wasn’t.

Then dawn broke and I knew no more.

I was confused when I woke that evening. I didn’t recognize the room at first, but then the hunger hit me like a raging flood. I stumbled out of bed and toward the door but before I could reach it, Andrew had opened it, filling the doorway with his smug presence.

He had a man with him, and together they showed me how to feed. I was starving, and might have drained the man, but Andrew made me stop after I’d only drunk a little. I felt more in control of myself, but the hunger still burned.

“Very good,” Andrew drawled. He threw a dress on the bed. “Get dressed, and then you can call your brother.”

I didn’t argue with him even though I would have preferred to go home right that instant. I changed into the clothes that he’d given me and called my brother. Cross answered on the first ring.

“Cross,” I said softly. “I’m sorry.”

“Carla, thank god,” he exclaimed. “Where are you? Are you okay?”

“I’m not sure,” I replied, glancing at Andrew’s impassive face. “I was attacked last night. I’m with a friend, he helped me. I’m sorry I couldn’t call you before now.”

“It’s okay, honey,” he soothed. “Just tell me where you are, and I’ll come get you.”

“No,” I said quickly. “I need you to meet us later, at TBA.”

He was silent for a long moment. “Why there?”

Andrew had given me the place and the time for the meeting. “Can you meet us?” I asked, trying not to beg. “Please, Cross. At eight o’clock.”

“Yes, of course I can meet you,” he told me. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

It was hard not to cry, but somehow, I managed. “I’ll see you there, okay?”

“Okay. Stay safe.”

I hung up the phone without answering him. I was a vampire, a blood sucking fiend, forever damned. I would never be safe again.

Andrew took me to see the prince of the city, who just happened to be a woman. He told her the story of how we’d stepped outside and been attacked. Felicia seemed a bit uneasy about the news of my embrace.

“I understand that you did what you had to,” she told him, “but you will be the one to tell her brother what happened. You realize she will be your responsibility.”

“Yes, I understand,” he assured her calmly. “She will stay with me until she has learned what she needs to know.”

“I don’t want to stay with you,” I protested angrily. “I want to go home.”

He took a step toward me and his hand connected with my face before I could react, sending me sprawling. “You will never speak to me that way again, childe,” he said in a low angry voice. “I am your sire; you will respect me.”

I wiped blood from a cut on my mouth and felt my fangs extend. Fury shook me and I looked up at him with hatred. Pain wracked the side of my face, combining with my hunger to nearly rob me of my wits.

“Calm down,” he said firmly.

To my everlasting surprise, I obeyed. When the prince called my name, I got to my feet and turned toward her, keeping my eyes down.

“Much as your brother is the head of his family and his word is law, I am the head of this family,” she said with a gesture around the room at the vampires gathered there, “and all obey my word. It is a part of our traditions that a childe stays with the one who made her until her training is complete and she is no risk to the Masquerade. Once your training is done, you will be able to live where you wish. Besides the fact he is your sire, Andrew did save your life, you owe him respect for that if nothing else.” Her voice was kind, but firm, leaving me with no choice but to agree.

A man at her side spoke. “I don’t think we want her brother to see her like that.” He was an older man, with gray hair and a suit that looked nearly as expensive as Andrew’s. His name was Dimitri, and he ran the Ventrue Clan in Las Vegas. Andrew was Ventrue, which meant that I was too.

“You are quite right,” Felicia agreed. “Andrew, have you instructed her on how to heal?”

“By your leave, I will do so now,” he told her.

The prince called for blood and minutes later one of her servants entered carrying a tray holding a crystal decanter and a tall glass. I couldn’t take my eyes off the blood as he poured it, and when he gave it to me, I swallowed it quickly. I stood there holding the empty glass and wondered how hard Andrew would hit me if I grabbed for the decanter.

“Give her more,” the prince ordered. To my eternal gratitude, she made sure that I drank enough blood to completely quiet the hunger inside of me. I felt calm then, in control of myself once more.

Andrew took me aside and tried to tell me how to heal the bruise and cut he’d put on my face, but I pretended not to understand what he was saying. He looked very disappointed in me, but I was no fool. I wanted my brother to see the marks Andrew had put on me, wanted him to know exactly what kind of man my sire was. I didn’t think Andrew would have long to live once Cross saw my face.


	20. The Truth Will Out

_You took my whole life, my breath away_   
_ Forty Foot Echo - Drift _

DIMITRI CAME WITH us to TBA, as did several of Andrew’s ghouls, and a Nosferatu named Nigel, who was of Felicia’s clan. We got there first and found a large table out of the way to wait. Andrew and Dimitri sat on either side of me while the ghouls stood with Nigel behind us.

Not long after we sat down, I watched Cross walked in, flanked by Paulie, Donnie and two other men from his security staff. As the approached our table, Dimitri and Andrew stood. I could see the tension in my brother’s shoulders, could tell that he didn’t want to be in this club that virtually crawled with vampires. His men were stone faced, unreadable.

If he was that upset just being in a bar with vampires, what would he think about what I’d become? I was a monster now, after all. I started crying, suddenly sure that he would despise me. Andrew pretended concern and handed me a handkerchief.

“Mr. Cordelone,” He said in a friendly voice as Cross approached the table. “I’m glad you could meet us this evening.”

“What the fuck is going on?” he demanded. “What have you done to her?” I could feel his eyes on my face, knew he was taking in the cut lip, the bruised cheek and the blood tears. “You bastard,” he ground out.

“Mr. Cordelone,” Dimitri said soothingly. “I understand that this is a shock to you but rest assured that your sister’s best interests are being looked after. Why don’t we have a seat and discuss this rationally?”

I could see Cross struggling for control, and it was the closest I’d ever seen to him losing it. After a moment Cross nodded. He and Paulie sat down across from us. I gathered my courage and met his worried gaze.

In the instant that I looked into his eyes I remembered the truth of what Andrew had done. I remembered everything he had tried to make me forget. I turned to look at the bastard with hatred and loathing. Not only had he stolen my life, but he tried to steal my memory of the act, and for that I would never forgive him. I turned to my sire with hate plain on my face.

“I told you that everything would be all right,” Andrew told me soothingly.

“You told me a lot of things last night,” I bit out. “A lot of things I remember.”

“That’s good.” He was smiling, obviously unconcerned about what I did and didn’t remember. “You should remember the lessons that were taught you, so that you will survive.”

I could feel Cross watching us, knew that he was holding on to his temper by a thin thread.

“I was dancing with your sister last night at the Circle Bar,” Andrew began smoothly, “and she wanted some fresh air, so I took—”

“Liar.”

He stopped and looked at me, the flash of irritation quickly hidden behind a mask of patience. “I am explaining to your brother what happened last night.” There was a warning clear in his voice, but I didn’t heed it.

I looked up at Cross, meeting his eyes for the second time, praying for strength. I knew I had to tell the truth no matter what happened afterward. “Cross, he dragged me into the back room at the Circle Bar and he bit me.” I leaned forward with my hands on the table and spoke as quickly and as calmly as I could, loud enough to cover Andrew’s angry sputtering that I stop. “I fought him, but I couldn’t get away, and the next thing I knew he was feeding me blood, telling me how I was gonna be his ticket to the power of the Cordelones.”

“Carla, stop lying—” Andrew began, but when Dimitri stood and told him to shut up, the coward obeyed.

“He told me to tell people the bullshit about me being attacked,” I continued in a rush. “I almost believed it at first, but I remember the truth. He did this to me and tried to cover it up.” I took a deep breath and prayed that my next words wouldn’t earn me another backhanded blow. “I want to go home, Cross, but they told me I have to stay with him, and I hate him, I just want to go home.” When I felt Dimitri’s hand on my shoulder, I knew I’d said too much. I sat back with my eyes down and waited anxiously to see how these men would decide my fate.

Dimitri spoke first, his voice betraying only hints of anger. “No one knew for sure how you were going to react to what has happened to your sister,” at that he shot a harsh glanced toward Andrew, “Obviously what we were told is not what really happened and rest assured that something will be done about this.”

Cross came to his feet and despite the anger I could see in his body when he spoke his voice was calm and controlled. “You’re damn right something’s going to be done about this,” he told Dimitri. To Andrew he asked, “Who the fuck do you think you’re dealing with?”

The bastard sat at my side and said not one word.

My brother looked back to Dimitri. “I want this bastard’s life. His actions are inexcusable. We had a deal, Dimitri.” Hearing that I wondered how many other things my brother had chosen to shield me from. It was obvious now that he knew about vampires and knew the Ventrue primogen.

Dimitri held up his hands with his palms toward Cross. “I am fully aware of the understanding between our people, and I agree with you that something has to be done. I will speak with Felicia about this because she was given the same story that I was. I will call for his life.”

Andrew looked like he wanted to speak, but still said nothing. I could hear his men moving nervously behind us. Dimitri glanced back at Nigel, who pulled out a cell phone and started dialing.

“Cross, I hope that you understand we had no knowledge of the true circumstances that led to this,” Dimitri said calmly, “and I also hope that you believe me when I say that we would never have condoned this act.”

After a long measuring look, Cross replied, “I believe you. That doesn’t make this all right, but I believe you. I want him dead, and I wanna be there when it happens.”

The older man nodded. “I understand the way you feel and I’m sure that can be arranged.”

“You’d better fucking see that it does,” Cross shot back.

“You have my word.” Dimitri turned to speak to Nigel and the ghouls. Another man walked over to the table and began talking to them as well. He was a vampire too. While they were occupied elsewhere, I stood up and edged around the table, watching Dimitri and Andrew, hoping that neither of them would try to stop me.

Cross met me halfway. I could see that he was torn between demanding satisfaction right now and waiting for the prince to become involved in the truth of the matter. Once he seemed assured that Dimitri was handling things, he put his arm around my neck and pulled me close to his side, still leaving one hand free. I put my arm around his waist and did my best not to interfere with his ability to draw a gun if he needed to.

“Are you okay?” he asked gently in my ear.

“Yeah,” I whispered, although I felt far from okay.

“We’ll get through this,” he told me. “We’ll be all right.”

“I just wanna go home, Cross, please let me go home,” I begged softly. “I’ll be good, I promise. I won’t hurt anyone.”

He pulled me closer, reassuring me with his lack of fear. “Of course, you can come home, honey. I will talk to them and find out what we need to do to make you safe, okay?”

“Okay.” I tried hard not to start crying again, but the last twenty-four hours had been hard on me. We waited while Dimitri talked to the others. When they were done, I moved behind Cross’ shoulder as he asked what would happen next.

The vampire glanced at me before looking back at my brother. “She will have to be taught what it means to be Kindred. If she wants to continue living with you that’s fine with me, but she will be expected to live up to certain responsibilities with the clan and with her kind.” He turned his gaze on me once more. “I am sorry for what has been done to you, Carla. I understand that you are loyal to your mortal family, but you must now remember that the Ventrue are your family as well.”

Dimitri’s ‘family’ hadn’t done a thing for me so far besides kill me, but obviously he was not Andrew. I believed that he had known nothing of Andrews plans for me. It was clear that he genuinely felt bad for what had happened, but I knew that Dimitri was in control of the Ventrue Clan in the city, and he had to maintain dominance, much like Cross had to with the Cordelones. Like it or not, I was Ventrue now. I was stuck with what Andrew had made me, and it would be in my best interest to cooperate with Dimitri. Anything else might start a war between the Cordelone and the Ventrue, and that was the last thing I wanted.

“As long as I don’t have to learn from him,” I said, looking at where Andrew was still sitting, waiting silently, “I will do my best to learn what I must and fulfill what duties are required of me.”

Cross reached back to take my hand, rubbing his warm skin against my cool fingers “You won’t have to worry about him anymore,” he told me over his shoulder.

“No, you won’t,” Dimitri confirmed as the two ghouls took Andrew casually by the arms. They stood him up and walked him out the door after Nigel. “As a matter of fact, I will speak to my childe, Tori, about adopting you. She has a childe of her own and is a wonderful teacher. I will give her a call and have her meet us here if that is okay with you?”

I really didn’t want to meet any more vampires tonight, and I certainly didn’t want to be ‘adopted’ by any of them, but I knew I had to play by Dimitri’s rules, for now. When Cross didn’t appear to have any major objections, I nodded.

The Ventrue pulled out a cell phone and made a quick call as we watched. When he was done, he glanced toward the other vampire who had not left when the others had taken Andrew away. “I apologize, Duncan. I didn’t mean to be rude. This is Carla Blair, the woman whom Andrew embraced without permission, and her brother, Cross Cordelone. I believe you know him.”

Duncan nodded and held his hand out to Cross, who took it as they nodded at each other. It was obvious that they had met before, and that my brother knew the other man was a vampire. Duncan also held his hand out to me. “Miss Blair, it is a pleasure to meet you. I’m sorry that it is under these circumstances.”

I shook his hand. “Pleased to meet you as well.”

“Duncan is the Toreador primogen,” Dimitri told me as he gestured for everyone to sit down.

Everyone did, but I sat on Cross’ side of the table this time. Dimitri could talk all he wanted to about clan loyalty, but I was a Cordelone first. Cross’ distrustful attitude toward the vampires made me trust them even less.

While we waited for Tori, Dimitri went over the changes that would have to be made to my room so I could continue living with Cross. He also told us that blood could be delivered to the house to subsidize my hunting. I was uncomfortable with the subject, even more so when he asked me what Andrew had taught me about hunting.

“Not much,” I said softly. A glance at Cross showed me he didn’t like the topic much either. I hated talking about it in front of Cross and his men, but there wasn’t much choice. “He-he showed me how-how to feed from one of his men but wouldn’t let me take much.”

“I apologize for the delicacy of the discussion,” Dimitri told Cross. “However, we all know that Carla needs blood now to survive. If she is to continue to live in your house, everyone needs to know what that entails.”

Cross nodded and reached for my hand again. Dimitri continued to explain the details of my new existence while we waited for his childe to show up.

Half an hour later, she did, walking directly to the table, and shaking hands with everyone as Dimitri introduced her. When it was my turn, she smiled. “Carla, how are you?”

“Honestly, I’ve had better days,” I replied, trying to smile, trying to be polite even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. What I wanted to do was go home. “Thank you for coming so quickly.”

“Not a problem.” She reached cautiously for my face and studied it carefully, as if I were a bug under a microscope. “Are you hungry?” she asked quietly. “Have you fed tonight?”

I looked away, once again embarrassed. “The-the prince made sure that was taken care of but thank you.”

She nodded. “Good. Dimitri mentioned that you wanted to go home with your brother, and I think that is a fine idea, for tonight.” She turned her attention to Cross and asked the preparations for my room would be ready by morning. When he assured her that they would, she nodded again. “I would like to meet with you tomorrow night to begin your training,” she told me. “It will be hard work. I will need you to be totally committed to what you have to learn.”

I didn’t like that she was a vampire. I didn’t like her coming in and taking charge. I didn’t like that I couldn’t go back to my life the way it had been only yesterday. I didn’t like the fact that I didn’t have a choice in the matter. Still, she wasn’t Andrew, and that was a blessing. I was betting I’d like her a lot better than I’d liked him.

“I’m not afraid of hard work, or commitment,” I said at last. “I may not like what happened, but I know there are adjustments to make, and I’ll do what I have to.”

We arranged to meet at TBA the following evening to begin my training. After thanking her and Dimitri, Cross led the way out of the bar, still holding my hand.


	21. Adjustments to Make

_Bad blood and ghosts wrapped tight around me_   
_Nothing could ever seem to touch me_   
_ Garbage - A Stroke of Luck_

AS WE TRAVELED through the dark streets in the back of the limo, Cross held me close to his side. He ran his hand up and down my arm absently trying to warm my cold skin. “I’ll make the arrangements to have your room fixed up so you’re safe,” he told me. “And we’ll get one of those little mini fridges for your room so you can keep… blood… there.” He wasn’t dealing too well with the blood issue, but then again, I wasn’t either.

“I’m sorry this happened, Cross. I would never have—” My voice broke and I took a moment to block the tears that threatened to start again. “I will understand if you’d rather I stay with Tori.” Of course, that wasn’t what I wanted, but he seemed damned uncomfortable, and I didn’t want him to feel that he had to let me live with him now that I was a monster.

“How can you say that?” he demanded, pulling me even closer. “Of course, I want you to still live at the house. It’s your home. I’m just trying to figure out how this will affect the family. Don’t worry about it, I’ll handle everything.”

“You can’t fix this, Cross,” I warned him in a low voice. “I’m a fucking monster, and there’s nothing either one of us can do to change that, ever.”

“This isn’t your fault, honey. We’ll deal with it.” He pulled away enough to give me a stern look. “We’re Cordelones. We stick together, no matter what, right?”

Looking into his eyes I saw that he meant it, really meant it. I smiled in relief. I’d been so worried that he had only taken my side to oppose the vampires. “No matter what,” I agreed.

His face took on a distant look as he turned toward the window. “I wonder if the Luchiano’s know what’s happened yet.”

“If they don’t, they will,” I murmured. “Nick’s a persistent bastard. What do you think they’ll do?”

“I’m not sure,” he breathed softly. “They’ve known about the vampires for almost as long as we have but we have an understanding with each other. We stay out of their territory and they stay out of ours.”

That was a complication I hadn’t thought about. “Will the Luchianos look at me being a—” I couldn’t say the word, I just couldn’t. “—this as us going outside of our territory?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I’m sure Sophia will call to either gloat or accuse us of exactly that. We’ll have to see what happens.”

We talked a bit about bodyguards and security. Cross seemed to think Paulie would agree to keep protecting me until I could learn enough about my new abilities to take care of myself. He assured me that whoever was protecting me would be discreet when it came to leaving Tori and me in private for my lessons.

I felt better once the new windows and heavy curtains were installed in my room. The door was secured with a touch pad that only I knew the code to. When all the workmen had gone, I took a long shower and changed into my own clothing, throwing away the dress that Andrew had given me earlier. Remembering what Andrew had told me earlier about healing, I managed to take care of the bruises and cut on my face.

Later that evening, Cross offered to get me a shoulder holster for the gun he’d given me. He agreed that if I’d had the weapon on me, I might have been able to get away from Andrew before he’d killed me.

In the month that followed, I spent a lot of time with both Tori and her childe Paul, learning about what I was, and what I could do. Paulie stuck close to my side until the topic turned to the Ventrue disciplines, then he was asked to wait in another room.

While I didn’t know enough about my new clan to trust them in the beginning, I came to see that they were not anything like Andrew. They earned my respect early on, and soon Tori earned my friendship as well.

Tori was a Harpy, which meant that she had a lot of influence in the social structure of Kindred society. She made sure I was accepted at all the Kindred functions we attended, although there weren’t that many at first. She thought it was important for me to learn how to deal with what I was, and what I could do.

While I never really got used to what I was, I had satisfaction that if I had to be a blood sucking fiend, at least I was Ventrue. Some of the other clans had the old-world class that mine did, but many others were animalistic, or downright insane.

After the first week I approached Cross and asked him if I could start learning about the family business. My reasoning was that everyone seemed to think I was involved anyway; I might as well be for real. Besides, some of my new abilities would help when it came to persuading others to do what the family wanted.

He seemed a little surprised at my request, but after some thought he agreed, telling me that I would have to start at the bottom just as he had. Though my involvement was limited to the nighttime hours, Vegas never slept so it wasn’t that much of a problem. He put Paulie in charge of my training, and together we took over some of the minor debt collection for the family. I used my powers sparingly, but there were times that they came in handy.

Cross warned me early on that the Luchianos also knew about Kindred, and how to kill them. While he knew I would have an advantage in most circumstances when it came to dealing with them, our enemies would not hesitate to destroy me. He seemed relieved that I had no intention of flaunting my vampirism.

There was a definite change in how the family members looked at me after my embrace. Nana remained as loyal to me as Cross, but those who hadn’t liked me before really didn’t like me now. Nana suggested that I keep my distance from those who would wish me ill and wait until time smoothed over any objections the family had to me continuing to live with Cross.

Nia seemed hesitant about my new status at first, but once she spent some time with me, she warmed up. We never had the close relationship we had shared before my embrace, but at least we could still be friends.

I wasn’t out to impress anyone in the family. I knew that actions spoke louder than words, and once they saw that I wasn’t going to kill Cross in his sleep, most of them would back off. Besides, I was going to outlive all of them, so it didn’t really matter what they thought. I won’t say it didn’t bother me, but I didn’t let anyone know just how much it did. In the end only Cross mattered, and he still loved me.

Though Cross was reluctant to discuss my feeding habits, I made it clear that he wasn’t in any danger from me. Only one person in our close circle turned out to be the type of person I could feed from, and I wasn’t about to go munching on family members. Cross stressed that he would not condone me feeding from anyone in the family unless it were an emergency, or they volunteered. Donny was sweet, but I knew he was as spooked as most of the rest of the family about my vampirism, at least at first. Tori arranged for my little refrigerator to stay well stocked, and both Cross and I considered the subject closed between us.

It took me a little while to get used to feeding from humans, so at first, I relied mostly on the bags of blood that were delivered twice a week. Eventually I got used to hunting when I had the time. It tasted better to me, and the warm blood fed my hunger much better than the cold stuff in the fridge.

Tori insisted that I spend equal time with the clan fulfilling the duties expected of me. With my skill for languages, I was placed in charge of many of the international businesses that my clan mates had invested in, or wanted to invest in. Luckily, I had studied finance in college, so I had no problems dealing with my assignments.

We set up a schedule that had me working three nights a week for both the clan and the Cordelones. One night was mine to do with as I pleased. There was no time for me to continue working at the Excalibur, so I turned the department over to one of the employees I trusted until my schedule lightened a bit.

Monday, Wednesday and Thursday I worked on clan duties, either from home, or at Tori’s apartment. On those nights I also managed to get in a few hours of martial arts training from one of the Toreador in town. Friday, Saturday and Sunday I spent with the family, working at the casino when I wasn’t playing enforcer or learning about the family business.

Tuesdays were mine, and I spent many of them at home, writing in a diary as I had so many times in college. While I was getting used to what I was, I still didn’t like it. The diary was the only place I could express my grief for my lost life.

_I fill my nights with schedules and meetings, but it isn’t enough. It will never be enough. I’m a monster, damned. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to sit in the garden until the sun comes up. I know everyone wants me to adjust, but I don’t see how that will ever happen. Andrew killed me, and I don’t have sense enough to crawl into my grave._


	22. Interesting Conversations

_This hurts deeper than I thought it did_   
_It has not healed with time_   
_ Saliva - Rest in Pieces_

ON MY THIRD night off, Theresa showed up at the house, asking for me. I was in Cross’ den when I heard her voice, and I couldn’t stop myself from cringing. Reminding myself that Theresa couldn’t order me around, I stood and straightened my clothing before heading for the door.

I could hear shoes clicking on the other side of the door and before I could open it, she was there, glaring at me. “We need to talk,” she said in a barely controlled voice.

“All right.” I looked past her toward the housekeeper who was standing near by. “Could you bring Mrs. Cordelone a glass of Chardonnay, please?” When Rosie had moved off, I gestured toward the couch. “I think that this will give us a little more privacy, if you don’t mind.”

She nearly pushed past me into the room, obviously not in the mood to play polite. She stopped in the middle of the den and turned to face me, hate plain upon her face. “You need to leave this house. You compromise Cross’ hold on the family by staying here now that you are this abomination.” 

I tried to stay calm, but it wasn’t easy. Not that her hatred was any surprise, no that wasn’t what had hurt me. I was an abomination, and it cut to the bone every time I was reminded of that fact. “I don’t see how that could be, Mrs. Cordelone, but I think Cross should be the one to make the decision as to whether I stay or not. I have already offered to move elsewhere, and he insisted that I stay.”

“I don’t know what kind of sway you hold over my son but the time for indulgence is over,” she said sharply. “He’s had a soft spot for you ever since you entered our lives and it’s time to leave him before it’s too late.” 

I couldn’t stop the bark of laughter that crossed my lips. “Too late? Too late for what? What has Cross lost since I came here?” I demanded. “A casino? I’ve lost a lot more than that and you know it. I’ve paid my dues to be a Cordelone, Theresa. Or maybe you think dying is not a high enough price to pay?”

She was obviously outraged. “How dare you! This family took you in when you were nothing, had nothing. Even against the judgment of his elders Cross brought you in. Haven’t you sucked enough from him? From the family?” She shook her head. “Leave him. His bride will come soon, and she will not understand your presence here.” 

“I will leave when Cross tells me to go, and not one moment before,” I said calmly. “In case you hadn’t noticed, he’s a big boy, Mrs. Cordelone, and from what I’ve seen he’s the one in charge here. I’m well aware that most of the family would rather I disappeared, then and now, but Cross wants me here. I know you don’t give a damn about me, but maybe you should think about him. I will do everything in my power to keep my brother safe,” I vowed, “and like it or not I have a lot more power now than I did when I first came to Las Vegas.”

“We’ll see about that,” she shot back, then left in a huff just as Rosie was coming back with the glass of wine.

“Is Mrs. Cordelone, alright?” she asked, obviously concerned as she watched the door slam behind the older woman.

“I’m sure she’ll be all right,” I said soothingly. As Rosie walked away, I thought I’d better call Cross and let him know what had happened. I didn’t want to involve him in this, but I knew if I didn’t get to him first, Theresa would blow the entire situation out of proportion.

He listened quietly to my explanation before apologizing for his mother’s treatment of me. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow and tell her that your presence in my house is none of her business and to leave you alone. Okay?” 

“Cross, don’t be too angry with her. She has your best interests at heart,” I reminded him. “She’s just trying to take care of you. Besides, she has every reason to hate me, and I’m afraid I didn’t exactly hold my tongue with her.”

“And you shouldn’t have to, Carla,” he told me. “It’s okay. She’s big girl, even if she doesn’t act like it sometimes.” 

“But I know how she is,” I protested. “I shouldn’t let her get to me.”

“Right,” Cross said dryly. “I’ll be home later, alright?”

I’d said all I could about the situation. I knew I was wrong to let her get to me, but Cross knew better than I did how hard it was to keep both patience and temper when Theresa pulled her drama queen act.

That same week, Tori asked me to change my schedule so that I could be with her on Saturday. She had arranged a small get together to introduce me to more of the Kindred in town then the Ventrue I’d met. It was at her apartment, where she had prepared a room for me to use when I needed to. Paul had one there as well, but normally he stayed at his house which wasn’t very far from Tori’s. We’d both stayed the night before at her apartment so we could be ready when the guests began to arrive.

I was talking with several Toreador when I saw Jora enter the apartment. I stopped for a moment, confused at the knowledge I had in my gut that she was a vampire. I excused myself from the Toreador and walked toward Tori.

She saw me coming and smiled. “I was just talking of you. Jora was telling me that she knows you.” 

“Yes, actually,” I replied calmly. “I worked as a translator for a visitor she had a year or so ago. Good evening, Jora.” I was trying to figure out if Jora had been a vampire the whole time I’d known her. I was willing to bet that she had been.

Jora greeted me with a smile. “Welcome, Carla. I was telling Tori what a benefit you will be to the Ventrue. I was greatly impressed by the work you did for me.”

My smile was a painful one. “I remember thinking at the time that you didn’t like me, but I think I can see now that you simply didn’t want a mortal involved. I apologize if I made things difficult for you, but of course in the end the Masquerade was maintained. I simply had no idea.” Remembering how close Mark had been with his boss, I wondered if he had been Jora’s ghoul, his human servant, and my smile faded.

“My displeasure was not that you were a mortal, Carla, but that you were a Cordelone,” she explained. “We all know of the silent pact made between our kind and your family. I was afraid your brother would be upset if he ever found out. I’m just glad that he didn’t during the talks with Mr. Grinkov.”

I could see now why she had been uncomfortable with my involvement. “I am glad as well. I am a Cordelone,” I said firmly yet not disrespectfully, “and my brother would only have wanted to protect me from this. Unfortunately, he could not.” I paused for a moment, then asked, “Is there any word about Mark?” 

Her expression turned sad. “No. I fear there is nothing else to be done. He is lost to us.”

Tori looked at me questioningly. “You knew Mark, Carla?”

I look down, not wanting to share the pain that I knew showed in my eyes. “I did.” After a moment I gathered myself enough to look up at her. “We met when I was working with Jora last year. I was actually in LA with him when he disappeared.”

She put her hand on my arm comfortingly. “Mark was a good man,” she said softly, looking between Jora, who still looked sad, and me. Knowing it was a painful subject for both of us she did her best to change the subject. “Carla is doing very well in her studies. I think that Felicia will be impressed.”

Jora tried to smile as she met my eye. “I am glad to hear that. I’m sure that the Prince will be happy to hear of her progress as well.” 

“I seem to be making the transition with surprising ease, given the circumstances,” I said honestly. “I hope that my skills will be of some use to the clan and the other Kindred of the city.”

“I’m sure you’ll fit in fine.” She glanced past my shoulder and nodded at someone behind me. “I see that Nigel is trying to get my attention, excuse me please.”

I watched her go, wondering if she and Nigel shared a clan. Though I had met the man earlier, I hadn’t remembered until now that I’d seen his picture in Mark’s things the night the Luchianos had kidnapped me. “Was Mark her ghoul?” I asked Tori.

“He was,” she replied. “He had been for some time. They were close, but never lovers. His loss is painful for her.”

I looked down at my hands. “I must have been very stupid.” 

“Why do you say that?” 

“I dated him for a year and had no idea that he was anything but ambitious. Hell, I worked closely with Jora and her visitor for a week, all at night. You’d think I’d have at least wondered what was up.” I shook my head ruefully. “I didn’t even know about the Cordelones... interests until I was—until it was shoved down my throat.”

She smiled reassuringly. “Carla, some people are just really good at hiding things about themselves. Mark had to because of the Masquerade. I’m assuming your brother kept things from you for your protection as well. It doesn’t make you stupid. It means that you are a caring, accepting person. There’s nothing wrong with that.” 

“Thank you for trying to make me feel better,” I said with a smile on my face that felt sad. “I just hope I can learn to be a little more observant now that I know some truths. I also hope I can hide things as well as they did.” 

“If you listen to what we have to teach you everything will be fine,” she assured me.

I’d never thought learning to lie was a good thing, but now that I needed it, I’d have to learn, and quickly.


	23. Almost Human

_I hate you_   
_I love you_   
_Leave_   
_Don’t go away_   
_ Jewel - Gray Matter_

SOMEHOW IN THE week that followed I managed to shove the betrayal I felt about Mark’s secret life out of my mind. I was in my room standing at my desk going over some paperwork for the casino when I felt strong arms go around my waist, caressing my skin through the silk shirt I was wearing.

“Miss me, baby?” Nick whispered softly in my ear before he bit down on the lobe gently. It was the first time I’d heard from him since a few days before my embrace.

Though I’d half hoped I was rid of him, I relaxed in his arms, relieved that it was only Nick. Only Nick. Strange how my fears had changed in the last month. I laid the paperwork down on the desk and moved my head so that his lips weren’t on my cool skin. “I’ve been too busy to miss you,” I told him, even as I enjoyed the warm contact of his body against the back of mine. “What do you want, Nick?”

He took advantage of my bared neck and began dropping kisses on my skin. “I think we both know what we want. Have I given you enough time to get over Mark?” he asked softly. “I want you to know right now that I didn’t have anything to do with his disappearance, Carla.”

“I’m pretty sure you had nothing to do with it,” I replied sadly. “He was playing with—with the big dogs, I think he got bit. It happens sometimes.” I turned around, moving back just far enough to look him in the face.

He didn’t seem to realize I was any different than before, didn’t seem to notice my cold skin, although he had his hands on my bare upper arms. “Big dogs?” he asked, sounding confused and eyeing me suspiciously. “What do you mean by that?”

I shook my head and put my hands on his waist. “It doesn’t matter. I have to say I’m surprised you’re here, Nick. I honestly didn’t think I’d see you again.”

He brought a hand up to brush the backs of his fingers against my cheek. His eyes were still suspicious as he moved his hand along my skin and when he spoke, he sounded distracted. “Really? Well, I’ve been busy… and I was trying to give you some space.” He pulled me close to him so that our lower bodies settled together in a familiar way. “Did you miss me?”

Already I could feel the heat of desire working its way through my body. I was torn between wanting to have sex with him and driving him off because if he knew what I was he’d be disgusted. On the other hand, maybe it would do him some good to realize that I wasn’t the weak little girl whose life he’d forced his way into.

I slid my hands around to his back, feeling the warmth of his body, the strength of his muscles through the knit of his shirt. “I told you, I haven’t had time to miss you. Why did you come back? Everyone else turn you down?”

His brow lifted a bit as he cupped my bottom and pulled our bodies closer together. “Hardly,” he grinned. “I’ve been saving myself.”

Being this close to him made me feel things I thought I’d never feel again. I wanted him just as much as I had before, but I knew that I should make him leave before he realized what I was. Not that I thought he’d really leave when I told him to, but at least I’d be able to say that I’d told him to when he started freaking out.

I ran one hand up his chest and onto his shoulder, leaning a little closer to him. “A whole month? I’d be flattered if I believed you.”

He looked wounded and slid his fingers across my cheek, down my neck and just underneath the neckline of my tank top. “That’s the truth, Carla. I feel like a monk.”

It was easy to believe him. I ran my hand up to play with the hairs at the nape of his neck. He felt warm and strong, and so very human. “A monk? You don’t feel like a monk to me.”

He grinned and leaned forward to kiss my neck. “And you feel different to me. Why is that?” he whispered.

I let myself enjoy his kisses for a moment, but then I made myself step away and turn my back to him. Tension replaced the need I’d been feeling as I tried to come up with the words to tell him what had happened. “Look, Nick,” I said softly. “I don’t know why you wanted to be with me so badly, but at this point it doesn’t matter. You don’t want to be here now.”

“Really?” he said slowly. “When did you get turned?”

I closed my eyes and hugged my stomach, hit again with the pain that this whole mess had caused. For a moment I wished that Cross had let me witness Andrew’s destruction. My words were low and painful when I was finally able to speak. “Four weeks, five days, two hours and—” I glanced at my watch. “—twelve minutes.”

His voice was low and even. “Who did it?”

The strength ran out of my legs and I knew I had to sit down or fall. I walked over to the couch and sat down. “Someone who wanted to get to the Cordelones a whole lot more than you did.” I was glad I’d manage to keep most of the shaking from my voice. “Didn’t get him very far, Cross made sure of that.”

Nick walked over to stand in front of me and lifted my chin so that I would look up at him. “Are you okay?”

I shrugged and turned my face away. “It’s not so bad, I guess, once you get past the—” Remembering Cross’ squeamishness when it came to talking about my feeding habits, I changed what I was going to say. “—certain things. I mean, they all think it’s great, like the best thing they ever did was die.” I glanced up at him for a moment to make sure he understood before looking away again. “But Theresa calls me a monster, an abomination, and how can I argue with the woman? She’s right. I don’t know, maybe I’ll get used to it. It’s not like I’ve got a choice. I have to learn how to deal, don’t I?”

I knew I was being pitiful, but somehow, I knew I could talk to Nick about how I really felt. I’d had to put up a front for the last month so that both the Ventrue and the Cordelones would think I was handling my embrace better than I really had been. I especially didn’t want Cross to know how I felt for it would only upset him, and he’d been upset enough about this mess already.

Nick pulled me to my feet and took me into his arms, cradling my face in his neck with one hand while pulling me close with the other. “Oh, honey,” he crooned wistfully, kissing my cheek. “My beautiful little vampire. You aren’t an abomination.” He took my face in his hands and gazed into my eyes. “Everything is okay now. I’m here so you have nothing to worry about.”

I couldn’t believe that even knowing exactly what I was he still wanted me. When he brought his head down to kiss me, I put my arms around him and lost myself in the touch of his lips on mine. His hands pulled my shirt from the waistband of my skirt and slid beneath the silk to caress my back.

There were no inhibitions in my mind. I let the passion he kindled in me take over, and when he led me to the bed I went willingly. By the time we laid down we were both naked. He lavished attention on my body almost as if he’d forgotten it and was relearning everything about what I liked.

When he finally entered me, the hunger flared, and I felt my fangs extend. It was all I could do not to sink them into his neck, but somehow, I managed to turn my head away from the temptation.

Even without kissing him, even with my fear that I would loose control to the hunger that nearly rivaled the sexual need I felt, he still managed to drive me over the edge. He rolled to one side and I went with him, laying my head on his shoulder and listening to his heartbeat and breathing return to normal.

It was several long minutes before I could make the fangs retract, but I managed to do it before he kissed my temple. “That was nice,” he whispered. “You haven’t lost anything.”

“Beside a pulse and a few degrees of body temperature?” I said dryly. “I gained a few things though.” I turned a little and touched the side of his neck where I could see his pulse beating. “I almost bit you.”

He smiled and took my hand, entwining our fingers. “I figured. Thanks for being gentle with me.”

“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea,” I whispered, closing my eyes so I couldn’t see his pulse anymore. “I don’t want to get carried away and do something stupid.”

He was silent so long that I thought he’d agree with me, but then he rolled over on top of me, gazing down into my startled eyes. “The only stupid thing you could do at this point is to continue denying me,” he said firmly. “So, you’re a vamp. So what? It’s not like we’ve taken the time to get to know everything about each other. But know this, Carla; I’m not letting you use this as an excuse.”

I felt his fingers brush the side of my breast and settle on the nipple, bringing it to a hard peak. “Nick, you don’t know what it’s like. Sometimes the thirst is—” I stopped long enough to lick my lips and glance at his neck before meeting his eyes again. “—overwhelming. If things were different, it wouldn’t be an issue, but it is, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

He bent until I could feel his warm breath teasing my breast. “You won’t hurt me, baby,” he breathed, then took the nipple in his mouth to tease me with his teeth and tongue.

I arched against his mouth. “How can you be so sure?”

“Just trust me.” His mouth never moved from my breast as he slid a hand between our bodies, between my legs, sending waves of pleasure through my body, pleasure that I’d never felt with anyone else.

“How am I supposed to trust you?” I asked, even as I shifted to give him better access to my body. “You’re a Luchiano, the enemy, remember?”

“Haven’t I already proven that I’m not your enemy, Carla?” he demanded. His hand was driving me crazy, filling my body with need once more. “What more do I have to do to prove I want you?”

“You take big risks for ‘want’, Nick.” I pulled him toward me so that I could kiss him, so I could touch his body as he was touching mine. His hand increased its rhythm until I was ready to scream in release.

I felt his smile against my lips. “No pain, no gain, right, baby?”

“What do you hope to gain, Nick?” I asked when I could talk again. “What is it you want from me?”

“I want everything. All of you.” Our lips met and we kissed passionately for a long moment as the passion began building in my body once more.

I rolled our bodies so that I was on top and began kissing my way down his body. “What will it cost me, Nick?” I breathed against his nipple. “And what do I get out of the deal?”

His hand tangled in my hair as I continued to kiss my way down his body. “You get me.”

And I wanted him, wanted to taste him, drink from him. Since I wasn’t about to feed from him, I did the only other thing I could. I took him into my mouth and quickly learned the advantage of not breathing. I took a long time teaching him and was eventually rewarded with the taste of his pleasure. It wasn’t blood, but it was close enough.

I rested my head on his thigh while he caught his breath. Eventually he pulled me upward and kissed me long and deep. “You are amazing,” he said just a little too loudly.

I laid a finger against his lips. “Shh… Cross would kill you if he found you here.”

He wrapped his fingers around my wrist and kissed my finger. “You wouldn’t let him do that, now would you?” he asked, acting all hurt by the idea.

I didn’t like his teasing. “Nick, don’t make me choose between you and my brother.”

He smiled wryly and pulled me close for another kiss. “I know, baby. I’m sorry. Really, I am. I can’t help what I feel though.”

“Tell me what you feel,” I whispered. “Tell me why we should keep risking this.”

He tangled his fingers in my hair and held my head so that I had to look at him. “I feel like I can’t think unless I’m with you, like I’m not whole unless I’m inside you,” he told me honestly. “It’s an obsession that I can’t get a hold of and I don’t think I want to.”

His confession made my heart ache. I knew what he felt because I felt the same way, except I wasn’t so sure that I didn’t want to fight the obsession I had for him. “Nick…”

He kissed me again. “What?”

I shook my head ruefully. “This is impossible, you know that. It would hurt Cross so much if he found out, and he would kill you. And it’s not like I have time for any kind of relationship anyway, the schedule they’ve got me on. After the shit you’ve pulled, I should hate you.” I should have hated him, but I couldn’t stop myself from kissing him again. “I don’t know how you got under my skin.”

“That’s where I want to be,” he grinned. “We’ll figure something out, okay?” He pulled me down so that I was resting my head on his chest.

I could hear sleep in his voice, and I was quiet while he fell asleep beneath me. His body warmed mine in a way that I hadn’t been warm since Andrew had killed me. How could I walk away from this? How could I keep seeing him knowing how much it would hurt Cross if he knew?

Nick shifted in his sleep, pulling me closer. Though I knew doing the right thing would mean never seeing him again, I couldn’t do it. I’d felt more human tonight than I had in weeks since my death. As much as I loved my brother, I couldn’t give that up, not yet. Laying on Nick’s chest and listening to his heart, I wondered if I could ever give him up.

_What am I going to do? I know it’s wrong to see him, to let him touch me, to fuck him, but how can I stop? Tonight is the closest I’ve felt to being human again. He made me forget the cold and the death. His touch made me warm again, made me feel things I thought I’d never get to feel again. How can I walk away from that? I love my brother, and I know I’m betraying him, but how can I make myself stop?_


	24. Tryst

_If the world seems cold to you, kindle fires to warm it. _   
_ Lucy Larcom_

I AGREED TO letting Nick visit me the following Tuesday, and I made sure that Rosie knew I was planning on spending some quality time alone in my room. Cross had called earlier to say he’d be late, so I wasn’t really worried about him interrupting our tryst.

Since I was supposed to be spending the night alone in my room, I didn’t want to dress up too much. I finally settled on slacks and a button up blouse but didn’t bother with stockings or shoes.

Though I still had no idea how he was getting through security, I wasn’t surprised when he walked through my bedroom door at precisely eight o’clock. I looked up from the book I was reading and smiled.

He closed the door and locked it behind him before turning to look me over. “Hey, baby,” he said softly, standing with his hands in the pocket of his black slacks. The dark shirt he wore emphasized the muscles in his arms and chest, made me want to feel what lay beneath.

“Nick.” I smiled wryly at him as I closed my book. “One of these days you’re going to get caught. What am I supposed to tell Cross when that happens?”

He grinned as he crossed the room to sit next to me on the couch. “I won’t get caught, trust me.” He took the book from my hands and set it on the floor. His eyes were warm as they covered my body, and he reached up to caress the side of my face. “How are you?”

“Busy.” I could feel the heat in my own eyes as I gazed at him. “I’ve got lots to learn about so many things, and only nights to do it in. I’ve been using my nights off to catch up, but I don’t think that’s going to happen with you here.”

“Not if I can help it.” He leaned in for a quick kiss. “What are you learning about?”

“Lots of things, business mostly, but stuff about—” I looked down, suddenly ashamed. “—what I am.”

He stroked my hair away from my face. “Are you coping okay?” he asked in a low voice.

I smiled at his concern. “If I said no, would it matter?”

“Yes, it would matter,” he said seriously. He took me into his arms and held me close to his side. “You never said how it happened.”

How had we gotten to this point? In the beginning I’d been so frightened of Nick, and now I was taking comfort from him, the only comfort I’d been able to find, really. He was much less frightening now that I’d stopped fighting him.

I laid my head on his shoulder. “No, I didn’t. Didn’t think you wanted to hear the sordid details.”

He kissed my temple and gently ran his hand up and down my arm. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”

I didn’t want to talk about it, not really, but maybe I needed to. I hadn’t really talked to anyone about what had happened since the night Cross had brought me home. “I thought he was being nice,” I said at last. “Mark and I had met him in LA, and he’d seemed pleasant enough there. He told me he was sorry about what had happened to Mark. He wanted to take me out for a drink he said, to try and make me feel better. I’m not quite sure why I went, but I did. I think he….”

I stopped myself from talking about the powers I’d learned how to use. Nick might be sympathetic, but I still wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t use anything I told him against my family, or my clan. “He manipulated me into dancing with him,” I continued, “then before I knew it, he pulled me into a back room. I tried to fight him.” I closed my eyes, fighting the awful memory of my embrace.

“Afterward he said I was his ticket to power in Vegas, to the Cordelones. He made me believe a lot of things that weren’t true, but I remembered everything when I saw Cross. He was so angry. If I hadn’t remembered, I’d still be with the bastard.” I couldn’t keep my voice calm at that last. I knew that I’d still be with Andrew if I hadn’t remembered the truth.

“What happened to him?” Nick asked softly. “I hope Cross demanded his life.”

“He did,” I assured him. “Cross was there when they destroyed him, but he wouldn’t let me go. I wasn’t sure I wanted to anyway. He didn’t deserve any more of my time.”

“I hate to admit that he was right, but he was,” Nick confessed, pulling me closer and kissing my temple. “That bastard didn’t deserve anymore of your time. Who was he?”

It wouldn’t reveal anything to tell the truth. “Andrew Campbell. He was new in town, I guess. Thought he could pull one over. Thank god he was wrong. I’m not sure how long I could have dealt with his attempts to keep me in line.”

“I’ve heard of the name,” he murmured. “He was Ventrue, right?”

I pulled back to look at him in surprise. “How do you know that?”

He smiled. “The families know of the vampire’s existence. I’ve made a point of knowing what I can of them to protect what’s mine. And don’t look at me like I’m trying to pump you for information,” he cautioned me. “I honestly wanted to know what happened.”

My temper flared and I stood, walking away from him. “What did it do for you to know that you’re not the only one who can force me to do things?”

“Carla,” he protested, getting to his feet. I turned to see a wounded look on his face, but this one seemed genuine. “That’s not fair and you know it. I didn’t make you do anything.” He walked over to me and gathered me into his arms. “We both wanted everything we’ve done together, and I don’t regret any of it.”

“I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair.” I put my arms around him and rested my cheek against his shoulder. “I just-I just want it to go back to how things used to be, when I had everything I wanted and I didn’t have to worry about self-defense or collections, Kindred politics, or blood. I want my life back, and I know it sounds pitiful, but I can’t help it.”

He kissed my temple then pulled back far enough to look down at me. “But honey don’t you see? You now have the means to have everything you could ever want. Granted, you’re limited to the darkness in order to do it, but that can be enough.”

It wasn’t enough, it would never be enough, but before I could tell him that, his lips claimed mine for a drugging kiss. I let the subject go and concentrated on just being with him. I returned the kiss and ran my hands up his back, feeling his muscles and warmth. Nick hadn’t come to my room to deal with a depressed vampire, he’d come for spectacular sex, and that was what he had.

Afterward I poured him a glass of wine and got a small tray of snacks from the refrigerator for him. He seemed pleased and asked if I could share them with him. I simply shrugged. “I could but what would be the point? Food tastes like ashes to me now, and anyway I’d just have to—get rid of it later. I’d rather watch you enjoy it.”

He leaned over and kissed me gently before taking a drink of the wine I’d poured. “What do you mean you would have to get rid of it?”

“Anything I eat has to come back up sooner or later,” I explained. “I can’t digest food anymore, just… blood.” I couldn’t stop myself from looking at the pulse in his neck. It would have been so much easier if he hadn’t been the physical type I fed from, but he was, and sometimes it was hard to control the hunger.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re looking at me like I’m dinner?” he asked, one brow lifted in question.

I shook my head and looked away, bothered by thoughts of feeding from him. “Nick, you are. You know what I am.”

He sat down his wine glass and took my hand, pulling me toward him. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “I know this is all new for you. Do you need something?”

I met his eye without flinching. “Why? Are you offering?”

For the first time he looked out of sorts, uncomfortable even. “Do you need something?” he asked again.

“As tempting as it would be for me to say yes,” I said softly, reaching out to touch his neck, “I’m fine. I keep a supply here, I fed before you came.”

A relieved smile crossed his face. “I want to take you somewhere,” he said, nuzzling my neck. “What do you say?”

“I’d say you’re crazy,” I replied as I snuggled into his warmth. “I don’t know how the hell you get in and out of here unseen, but there’s no way I’d make it through the guards, and I can’t leave the house without my bodyguard.”

He nipped at my earlobe and whispered, “I have my ways of sneaking around. I could get you out of here unseen if you wanted.”

I pulled back and looked at him curiously. His access to my room had been bothering me mostly because I knew he wasn’t showing up on the security cameras and no one had seen anything on the nights he visited, I’d checked. “How?”

He cocked an eyebrow at me again. “I guess you’ll have to find out some day, won’t you?”

“I suppose I’d see if you took me somewhere, wouldn’t I?” I challenged. “Because you are not putting a blindfold on me again.”

After a long even look, he tangled his fingers in my hair. “I’m almost sorry to have put you through that, but then I would have never found you.”

“Maybe a lot of things would be different,” I said sadly, thinking of Mark and my embrace, “but we’ll never know, will we?”

He kissed the side of my face gently. “We have tonight, baby, and that’s all that matters.”

I ran my hands down his back, reveling in the feel of his skin against mine. “Right now, this moment, there is nothing else.”

It was the truth, after all. I let him take me down passion’s road where there were no doubts, only the two of us. I fell asleep afterward, and when I woke an hour later, there was a night blooming lily lying on the pillow where Nick had slept.


	25. Talking Peace

_But it’s like no matter what I do_   
_I can’t convince you_   
_To just believe this is real_   
_ Linkin Park - Faint_

I PASSED NIGHT after night working for the clan and the Cordelones, learning what I needed to learn in order to survive, but it was the nights Nick came to me that I lived for. Since I was the only one with the pass code to the door, my room was a haven for us once we were locked inside. He came to my room every Tuesday night, and some nights he showed up after I’d finished my work.

We managed to meet at Everlasting Moments a few times. It was a Kindred owned brothel, so I didn’t have to take my bodyguard inside, and once we were in one of the private rooms upstairs, there was no risk of discovery. He talked about going with me to other places, but we both knew it couldn’t happen. Cross wasn’t ready to call off the bodyguards, and we couldn’t risk them finding us together.

Nick seemed to know who some of the Kindred in town were, and sometimes he asked about my life as a vampire. Because he never asked about any clan or city secrets, I usually told him what he wanted to know. He seemed interested about the precautions Cross had made to make my room safe, interested in my life now that I was a creature of the night. He wanted to know what it was like for me to feed but showed no interest in volunteering to feed me himself.

It was an unspoken agreement that we didn’t talk about our families, or the feud between them. I tried not to push the issue, but I couldn’t let it rest. One night I asked him how the feud had started. I could tell he didn’t want to discuss it, but he explained that the animosity stemmed from the two families wanting to control everything without sharing. Carlo and Sophia had made a deal to split the city, and it had brought an uneasy peace between the families.

“But surely that was years ago,” I protested. “Vegas has grown since then, isn’t there enough to go around?” It was still early in the evening, and we were sitting on the couch in my room.

He smiled and gave me a quick kiss. “That is the refreshing part about you, baby, you are so naïve. There’s never enough to share. You have to have it all.”

I looked back at him coolly. “I don’t. Why do you?”

He shrugged. “That’s the nature of the beast. But because I want to keep the peace and not make war with your brother, I stick to my territory and deal with it, just like he does.”

“Not make war.” I repeated dryly. “Is that why I have a bodyguard? Because no one’s making war?”

“Just in case,” he said with a smile playing on his lips.

“Just in case Cross steps over your lines again? Then what, Nick?” I demanded. “Another visit to the country?”

He frowned. “No,” he protested hotly. “Where’d that come from?”

“I’m trying to talk about peace between our families so we don’t have to hide anymore, and all you can think about is not wanting to share,” I replied irritably. “Vegas is huge, Nick. There are opportunities everywhere to make money and so what if you must share it with the Cordelones? Don’t you think you could make more working with my brother than against him?” Something about the look in his eye clued me into his true emotions. “That’s it, isn’t it? You don’t want to work with Cross.”

His face was hard, harder than I’d seen it in a long time. “Honestly? No, I don’t. I want it all, but I’m willing to think about an alternate situation if it makes you happy.”

The fact that I believed him didn’t make me any happier. “Do you hate him just because he’s a Cordelone,” I asked coolly, “or is it something more personal? Did he make you lose money?” I was betting that’s what had happened. Nick seemed awfully fond of his money.

“What’s between Cross and me stays between Cross and me,” he told me as he stood. There was irritation in every move he made. “Just like what’s between us stays between us.”

“How can it be that cut and dried when you’re in Cross’ house fucking his sister?” I demanded in a low voice. “Everything we have is because the two of you hate each other.” If it hadn’t been for that hate, I’d have never even heard of Nick. “Don’t you think I deserve to know why?”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Carla,” he shot back, making no effort to be quiet. “Do you really think that every ending is a happy one? We are not living a goddamned Disney movie here. This is real life and sometimes you must make decisions that hurt others. You need to understand that, especially now that you’re Kindred.”

He was being too loud, but I didn’t try to quiet him. I was nearly angry enough to turn him over if someone knocked on the door. I was trying to be logical; I knew that the families would make more money if they combined forces. Who the hell would stand against them?

“I’m not that naïve, Nick.” I stood and faced him without wavering. “I’m a Cordelone, I know from experience that people get hurt in the real world. Andrew may have made me a monster, but that doesn’t mean I have to behave like one.”

“Protecting what’s yours has nothing to do with being a monster,” he said, coming closer and putting his hands on my upper arms. “That bastard Andrew is lucky I didn’t get my hands on him,” he continued. “I wouldn’t have been very fast in finishing him off.”

“None of my endings have been happy, Nick, none of them,” I said fiercely, grabbing a hold of the front of his shirt with both hands. His touch had broken through the layer of frost I’d been moving through. “I’ve lost almost everyone I’ve ever cared about. I’m not fucking asking for Disney; I just don’t want it to be the Godfather. I know I’m going to lose both of you sooner or later, is it so bad to want it to be from old age and not from killing each other in some goddamned mob war?”

He pulled me into his arms, and I laid my head on his shoulder. “We’ll figure something out, baby. Do you want me to try to talk to Cross? I don’t think that I’ll get with in five feet of him, but if you want me to, I’ll try.”

I knew he didn’t like the idea, but at least he was willing to meet me halfway. “I want you to, but maybe I should talk to Cross first. I can’t imagine he’s going to like the idea any better than you do.”

“No, I don’t think it’s a good idea to let him in on our relationship unless he’s willing to accept me as a Luchiano first.” His arms tightened around me, filling me with warmth. “Let me see if I can talk to him first and then we can go from there.”

“I wasn’t planning on telling him about us, Nick, not right away. I was thinking about trying the money issue.” My frown was lost against his shirt. “Of course, it didn’t work well with you did it?” I didn’t understand why they hated each other so much, but I knew he wouldn’t tell me.

He took my face in his hands and kissed me gently. “Just let me handle this, okay?”

I really didn’t want to leave it to him. It wasn’t because I didn’t trust him, although I didn’t, not really. With the hate between Nick and my brother, they’d be more likely to kill each other than work out their differences. “Can you at least tell me why you hate him so much?”

He pulled me close again, hiding my face so I couldn’t see his. “I’d rather not. You have a good impression of your brother and I don’t want to change that.”

“I know Cross isn’t perfect, but he’s my brother.” I hoped he’d be more open about considering peace, and I intended to find out at the first opportunity. I might have pushed it further with Nick, but he kissed me again, and within moments I’d lost all logical thought.

The opportunity for asking Cross about the Luchianos came at dinner on Friday night. We were eating alone in the dining room, which was too big for just the two of us. I was eating a little mostly to put him at ease.

“Cross, I had a question I was hoping you’d answer,” I began. When he nodded for me to ask, I said, “What started the feud between the Cordelones and the Luchianos?”

He frowned into his napkin as he wiped his mouth. “What brought that question on?”

I looked down at my plate for a moment, not at all sure I wanted to broach this subject with him, but in the end I did. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Seems like we should be over the whole feuding mentality, but since we’re not, I’d like to know how it started.”

He turned back to his plate. “The Luchianos are dogs and that’s all you need to know.”

“No, I think I need to know a bit more than that,” I said calmly. “I’m not a child, Cross. I’m not even human anymore. I can handle it, just tell me.”

He sat his fork down beside his plate and studied my face. “I’ll be honest here. Both families have done things that aren’t exactly ‘good’ or acceptable by either the law or polite society. As far as how the rivalry started, well that goes back to the tenements in New York at the beginning of the century. You remember your history classes, don’t you?”

“I do, but this isn’t New York and it’s a new century,” I reminded him. “What keeps the feud going? What’s happened in, say, the last 30 years?”

The exasperation on his face was nearly enough to make me drop the subject. He wiped his mouth again and laid his napkin on his half full plate. “You mean aside from Dad’s death?”

I sat there blinking at him for a moment, not wanting to understand what he was saying. “What do you mean?”

“I’m pretty sure they had something to do with Dad’s death,” he told me. “I can’t prove it, though.”

“What can you prove?” I asked softly.

“The brakes went out in his car and he hit a truck.” His voice was low and calm, but I could see the pain beneath his words. “The police had the car thoroughly checked at my insistence and found nothing, but the car had just had a detailed inspection the day before. I doubt the mechanic would have missed something that basic.”

“What makes you think the Luchianos did it?”

He looked at me like he couldn’t believe I was being so dense. “Dad might not have been a saint, but the only real enemy he had was Sophia Luchiano.”

I remembered what Nick had said the night he’d kidnapped me. “What about the Donelli family? Weren’t they Carlo’s enemies?”

That made him frown and he sighed, as if he didn’t want to have this conversation with me. “The Donellis were a minor family linked with the Luchiano’s. Arthur Donelli thought that he could play both sides and when we found out what he was doing we knew he had to be taken care of.”

I didn’t like the sound of that, like they really were as bad as Nick kept claiming. “Who’s ‘we’?” Then another thought occurred to me. “Was this before or after Carlo’s death?”

“‘We’ is the family,” he said irritably. “And this was before Dad’s death.”

Hearing him call Carlo ‘dad’ reminded me that I’d been calling him that too, until now. Now I felt as much like an outsider as I had in the beginning and calling a man I’d never met ‘dad’ just didn’t seem right. “Don’t you think the Donelli’s would have wanted revenge for Arthur’s death, or did you kill the whole family?”

“The family was dealt with.” His voice was firm enough that I knew he wouldn’t say another word about it.

I wanted to argue, to yell at him, but I’d heard the lecture about possible listening devices, and I knew it wouldn’t help. Instead of yelling I stared down at my plate while I got a hold on my temper. I’d had a reason for bringing up the feud, and it wasn’t to get pissed at Cross for stuff that had happened before his father had died.

When I finally had a grip on my temper, I looked up at him. “What would it take to make peace between the families?”

“There is a peace now, Carla,” he pointed out. “As good a one that’s going to be, anyhow. We stay out of their business and they stay out of ours. I thought you would understand that better than anyone. I sure as hell learned my lesson when they kidnapped you. What’s this all about?”

“This isn’t peace, Cross, it’s an armed stand off.” I gave up all pretense of eating and pushed my plate away. “I just wanna know if we can ever resolve this, that’s all. I like the guys, but I hate having a bodyguard.”

Though his words were sympathetic, his tone was not. “I’m sorry, Carla. I’m not keen on the idea of having men shadow my every movement either, but unless by some miracle the Luchiano’s want to play nice, I don’t see it happening. I’m sorry.”

“And if they did?” I demanded. “Could you work with Sophia, or with Nick?”

His eyes narrowed and filled with suspicion. “What the hell is this all about? I was under the impression that you hated them just as much as the rest of us, especially after they kidnapped you.”

“I thought I did too, Cross,” I said irritably. “Turns out I’ve really only hated one person, and thanks to him I’m gonna live an awfully long time. I’ve got enough problems to deal with now, I don’t–” I stopped myself from going any further. I could tell by the look on his face that I was pushing too hard, that he was wondering why I was so interested in making peace with the Luchianos. “I’m sorry. I know you’ve been dealing with them a long time, I’m sure you know what’s best.”

He stood and pushed his chair in slowly as if giving himself time to control his own temper. He stood behind the chair looking at me, but I kept my eyes on my plate. I wasn’t sure if I was trying to look submissive, or if I was trying to hide the anger in my eyes, but I thought it best not to look at him just yet.

“I know that you’ve been through a lot, Carla, and I understand that you are coming to terms with what you’ve been made and finding your place. I’m glad that you’re helping with family business; it makes me feel like we’re closer now.” His voice had been slow and careful, but now it hardened, leaving no room for arguments. “But know this, the family is my responsibility and my decisions have to be respected. I can’t have one set of rules for you and another set for everyone else. You are my sister and I love you, but I can’t do that. Don’t question my decisions.”

I kept my eyes on my plate, but now I was hiding tears. The family wasn’t that much different than the vampires. Everyone was higher on the food chain than I was, and I didn’t have the right to question anything. I suppose I should be grateful that he hadn’t hit me. “I understand and I apologize, Cross. Sometimes I just don’t understand why things are the way they are, but I’ll try not to question you again.”

“I’m sorry to be so harsh but that’s the way it is,” he said in a softer voice.

“It’s all right, I understand.” I looked up at him at last and said honestly, “I’m sorry I ruined dinner.”

“It’s okay,” he said with a gentle smile. He came over and placed a light kiss on my cheek. “I need to leave anyhow. I’ll talk to you later okay?”

“Okay.” I sat there for a long time after he left, thinking about the things that he’d said, and the things that he hadn’t said.

I’d tried to hold on to the belief that Cross wasn’t like the rest of the family, that he wasn’t the cold-hearted mobster that Nick tried to make me think he was. Before tonight I’d had difficulty seeing my brother as someone who could kill without mercy. I didn’t have that illusion anymore.

If my brother could be that hard, that cold, what did that say about me? We shared a father, and obviously Cross was very much like Carlo. How much of the mobster mentality ran through my veins? Or rather had run through my veins before my death. In theory, hadn’t my embrace have burned the humanity out of me? If it had, why did I feel so guilty about things my family had done before I’d even known they existed?

Eventually I went upstairs to throw up what little I’d eaten. Paulie was waiting for me when I came back down. I didn’t say a whole lot that evening, and if my escort noticed, he held his tongue. Well, he did until I got a little rough on one of the men we’d gone to collect money from.

The guy wasn’t being cooperative, and rather than try to dominate him, I hit him. When that didn’t work, I hit him again. Eventually Paulie had to pull me off him, which wasn’t easy even for a man his size. The guy laid on the floor bleeding, too hurt to move when Paulie took the money from his wallet.

When we got into the car, he sat there for a moment, letting the silence build. “What the hell happened in there?” he asked at last.

“Nothing,” I said irritably. “The guy was holding back; I thought a little violence would loosen him up.”

“What’s gotten into you?” he demanded. “I’ve never seen you like that. You need to eat?” At that he looked a bit worried, as if he expected me to jump across the car and bite him.

I turned to look at him in the dimness of the streetlights. “Why, you volunteering?” He stumbled and stuttered, thrown by my question. I shook my head, irritated with myself. “Relax, Paulie, you’re not my type, remember?” Paulie was too dark by far, both his complexion and his hair. “Besides, I fed before we left.”

He relaxed visibly but when he spoke his voice was still rough. “Come on, let’s get the next stop.”

I looked out the window as he drove away. I didn’t like what I’d done to the man inside, but a part of me thought he’d deserved it. What really bothered me was that Paulie was still afraid of me, that he thought I would let the hunger overwhelm me enough to put him in danger. It made me hate what I was even more.


	26. Avoidance Issues

_I don't know my right from wrong_   
_I don't know where I'm going to_   
_ Fastball - Fire Escape _

I TRIED TO be patient while Nick found a way to talk to Cross. I did my work, for the clan and the family, and spent every minute I could with my lover. Only in his arms could I forget my fears, forget I wasn’t human. If the hunger sometimes reared its head, I managed to hold it at bay by feeding from blood in the refrigerator before he came to me.

Weeks passed, and Nick began talking about seeing me more often. I might have said yes if not for two things; I simply had too much work to do, and I was beginning to think he was never going to talk to my brother. When I asked him about it, he kept saying that he hadn’t had a chance to get through to him. If I pressed the issue, he would distract me from the topic.

The more Nick avoided talking about calling Cross, the more I tried to avoid him. I stayed some nights with Tori, and others I stayed out until nearly dawn. He let my evasions go until I missed a Tuesday night with him to celebrate Nia’s birthday. I’d left a note for Nick in my room and spent the day at Tori’s hoping to avoid him altogether.

Unfortunately, Nick was more persistent than I’d hoped. He was in my room waiting for me when I got home near midnight the next night. “Where were you?” he demanded in a low and tightly controlled voice.

While I wasn’t surprised to see him, I’d hoped that I’d have a few nights reprieve. Just seeing him brought the hunger to the front of my mind, and since I’d spent the evening studying martial arts and burning blood the hunger was strong. “Didn’t you get my note?”

“Why did you plan something with your cousin on the one night we get to see each other?” he challenged angrily.

“It’s my only night off, Nick,” I shot back irritably, setting my keys and purse down on the desk. “She’s my cousin and it was her birthday. I tried to say no, but she insisted, and I couldn’t exactly say ‘sorry, can’t make it, I’m fucking the enemy that night’.”

“Don’t hand me that bullshit, Carla,” he scoffed as he walked closer to me. “You could have come up with something. I waited all night. Where did you stay?”

“Elsewhere.” I wasn’t about to tell him where Tori lived. “Look, I told you I’d be gone all night. I couldn’t get out of it, my cousin has been bugging me for weeks to go out with her, and I’ve run out of excuses. As it is the entire family wonders why I spend all night in my room on Tuesdays. What the hell was I supposed to do?”

“You were supposed to be here when I got here,” he insisted angrily.

“Get over it, Nick,” I sighed. “I’ve had a long night and I don’t need this. I wanted to be here too; you know?” And I had, with an intensity I hadn’t expected.

He studied my face for a moment as if weighing my words before sighing and running a hand through his hair. “It’s just that I only get to see you one night, and I’ve taken a lot of flack sometimes for not being available,” he told me sadly. “I guess I’m expecting too much that you might feel the same. Maybe I better leave before I say something wrong.”

What I felt was something I wasn’t sure how to handle, not to mention the hunger at the forefront of my mind. I turned and walked toward the refrigerator, determined to feed before I got too close to Nick. I’d barely reached the refrigerator when I heard his footsteps headed for the door.

I turned to watch him leave and found I couldn’t do it. I should have let him go and I knew it, but a part of me couldn’t let him go. I hated myself for missing him the night before, and I couldn’t face spending the rest of the night alone.

“Don’t go yet, Nick, just give me a minute. I just need…” I gestured toward the refrigerator, unwilling to finish the thought aloud. Thankfully I didn’t have to. He stood by the door and watched me pull out a container of blood. I poured it into a crystal goblet I kept in my room just for that purpose, more than uncomfortable with feeding in front of him.

“Would you like some wine?” I asked without turning around.

“Please,” he replied quietly.

By the time I turned with our glasses in my hands, he was crossing the room. My eyes watched his movements hungrily, and I couldn’t deny that I no longer wanted the cold blood in my hand; I wanted his blood, warm, pulsing, human.

There was hunger in his gaze, but it was a different type of hunger. He took the wine from my hand and raised it in a toast. “_Salute_.”

I repeated his salutation with my eyes on the glass as I tried to focus on the blood in the glass instead of the blood pumping through his body. I managed not to gulp the blood down, although I did drink deeply. He took a long drink as well, watching me intently. I hoped my distaste for the cold blood didn’t show on my face. I watched the pulse in his neck for a moment, torn between wanting to feed from him and not wanting to let what I was come between us. Tearing my gaze away I drained the glass and turned to pour myself more. “Have you been here long?”

“Long enough to put me on edge.” I could feel his eyes watching my every movement. “What were you doing tonight?”

I grimaced. “Getting beaten. Caitlyn is rough for how little she is. Sometimes I think I’m wasting my time, trying to learn how to fight.”

“I could teach you to fight, baby,” he offered with a grin.

I met his look evenly. “You could, Nick, but then what happens when I have to fight you?” There was sadness in my voice, and he picked up on it, frowning.

“Why would you have to fight me?”

Closing my eyes, I shook my head. “And you call me naïve.” I lifted the glass to my lips and forced myself to drink the cold blood.

He sipped at his drink and stepped toward the bed. “Who is Caitlyn?”

After placing the container of blood in the refrigerator, I stepped out of my shoes and carried my glass to the bed where I sat down. “She’s Kindred, a bit of a recluse. She’s barely five feet tall, but she could be me with her hands tied behind her back. Tori set me up with her when I asked for someone to teach me to fight. I’m sorry I couldn’t be here last night.”

He stood in front of me and put the fingers of his free hand in my hair. “Me, too. I’d like to be with you all the time.”

I was beginning to doubt that, mostly because he hadn’t talked to Cross. “Would you?”

He nodded. “Maybe this Caitlyn could teach me a few things as well. It could give us more time together.”

“I’m not sure that would work, if Cross found out, he’d blow a gasket.” I also wasn’t sure I wanted any of the Kindred to know of my relationship with Nick.

He looked troubled but didn’t say anything. After taking another sip of his wine, he said, “Maybe I should go.”

“No,” I said before I could stop myself. I drained my glass and sat it on the bedside table before putting my hands on his waist. “Nick, I want to spend more time with you, but it’s important that I not alienate Cross in the process,” I said honestly. “He’s my brother, and I love him. I hate this hiding, and I hate struggling to find time to be with you, but the only thing that’s going to give us more time together is if you and Cross can some how work things out. I can’t do it; he won’t even discuss it with me.”

“I’ve looked for a way to talk to him, but I can’t get close enough.” His free hand covered one of mine and the warmth was enough to make my heart hurt. “I really don’t think me talking to him is going to change anything, but I will try.”

“Then stolen moments are all we have, all we can have,” I whispered as I leaned forward to rest my head against his chest. I couldn’t make him talk to Cross, and I knew I couldn’t keep living a double life forever. No matter how hard Nick said he was trying, I didn’t think he was trying hard enough. And yet I couldn’t make him go. I needed him, needed the way he made me feel. The only time I was truly happy was when I was in his arms and could forget what I was.

He leaned over long enough to put his glass on the table next to mine before putting his arms around me. “I know it seems really hard now, but what if you moved out on your own? If you need money, I can help you. We could find a house somewhere and you could tell Cross that you don’t need the bodyguards anymore. That way they aren’t reporting back to him.”

“I could find somewhere, I have the money,” I told him, “but Cross would never let me get rid of the bodyguards. I’ve already tried, he won’t even consider it. Hell, he had bodyguards on me before, I just never knew it.”

He pushed me back until I was lying on the bed and he was on top of me, kissing my neck. “Maybe you tell him that you’re staying with your sire and you come to me instead. Tell him you won’t need the men then.”

“I don’t like lying to him,” I whispered even as I turned my head so he could kiss more of my skin. “This is bad enough if he ever found out; I don’t want to make it worse.” I pulled his shirt from his pants and ran my hand beneath the fabric to feel his warm skin.

That contact was enough to spark the fire between us. When our lips met, I stopped thinking and let myself feel. It was nearly dawn before I could think again. Nick left me with a promise to try to contact my brother, but as I watched him walk out the door, I knew it for a lie.

_I know he’s not even trying to contact Cross. It’s all a lie to make me think he cares about me. I don’t know what he thinks he’s going to get out of me, but I’m very careful about what I say when I’m with him. The only useful thing he gets from me is sex, and that just isn’t enough for me. I should have let him go tonight, but… I wish I could find someone else to make me feel the way he does, someone safe. I must find a way to walk away, I just have to._


	27. Moving On

_Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way._  
_ Charles B. Newcomb_

SIX MONTHS PASSED from my embrace. Six months of hell where I hated what I was and betrayed my brother every time I saw Nick. Six months of living for the touch of my enemy’s skin on mine. Six months of listening to Nick’s lies about trying to contact my brother.

The more I believed he was lying to me, the less time I spent with Nick. Although I couldn’t bring myself to stay away from him completely, I did manage to find things to do early on my nights off and not return to my room until midnight, or later. Nick didn’t like it, and in truth I didn’t either, but until he talked to Cross, it was all he was going to get.

I spent a lot of time learning how to fight, and how to handle a gun. Cross had a long talk with Paulie about my work for the family and soon afterward he began talking about moving me up the chain of command. I wasn’t impatient, I knew it sometimes took years for a family member to advance, and I had all the time in the world.

One night, Tori approached me about a new vampire in town. Brieanna Hartwick had also been forcibly embraced, as I had, although her circumstances had been much different than mine.

“She’s from San Francisco,” Tori explained. “She’s coming to live here because of the circumstances surrounding her embrace. It seems that she is very close to Julian Luna, the Prince of San Francisco. Paul is going to adopt her, and I would appreciate it if you would extend your friendship to her.”

“Of course, she’ll need a friend.” I remembered what it had been like for me after my embrace. I still hadn’t come to terms with what I was, but it was getting easier to live night to night. “How badly is she taking it?”

“I’m not sure,” she admitted. “I haven’t met her myself, but Paul is eager to have her. Her name is Brieanna Hartwick and that’s all I know for now. He’s going to work her intently for a week and then bring her out in public. He’s meeting with her and Julian tonight.”

“Just let me know when you want me to meet her,” I told her. “I’ll rearrange my schedule with the Cordelones if you need me to.”

She smiled gratefully. “We’ll see what Paul says and go from there. There is some question as to her safety and he really wants her to be able to protect herself when she’s out. Apparently, she came with an entourage.”

“An entourage?” I asked, curious. Tori always knew at least some gossip about nearly everyone. It was part of her role as a Harpy of the city.

She nodded. “Paul mentioned a man that Julian has ghouled until Brieanna is ready to take him over for herself and the child they had together. There is also another man that is a mage. I’m interested to see how it all plays out.”

“Sounds complicated, but interesting, you’re right.” She’d mentioned mages before, but I’d never met one. I wondered how old Brieanna’s child was, and for a moment mourned the fact that I’d never have one. “When will she be ready to take him over?”

“The ghoul? A while yet.”

I licked my lips nervously before saying what I’d wondered about for some time now. “Is there a set waiting period before a Kindred may take a ghoul?”

“Depends on the Kindred,” she replied with a shrug. “Many times, it’s up to the sire and of course the Prince needs to okay it. Why?”

I looked down for a moment, unable to meet her eye. “I’ve been thinking about Cross. I’m not sure I can stand to watch him grow old and die.”

She smiled sympathetically and put her hand on my shoulder. “Most of us have to deal with that sooner or later.”

“I don’t want to deal with it,” I told her firmly. “The rest of the family, well, most of them tolerate me, but Cross took me in, believed me when I had no proof about who I was. Then when I changed, he didn’t turn me away, Tori, he still protects me from the rest of the Cordelones, from the one’s who’d just as soon see me staked out for a sunrise. I can’t just sit back and watch him die, not when I can stop it.”

She crossed the room to sit down next to me. “Yours is a very delicate situation, Carla. The Kindred have kept the peace with the Cordelones and the Luchianos for many years. I understand that you wish to spare your brother of growing old and dying, but I’m honestly not sure what that would do to the peace. We have time to look at the situation and see what will happen. When the time is right, I will talk to Felicia, but Cross would have to agree as well. Have you mentioned this to him?”

“No, I haven’t mentioned it yet. I wanted to talk to you first.” Just saying that felt awkward. It was the first time I’d spoken with Tori about family matters before discussing it with Cross. “Should I bring it up, or wait for you to talk to the prince?”

“It will be at least another six months before you are ready to take on a ghoul, Carla,” she warned me. “I want to make sure that you are comfortable in your abilities before I okay something with that much responsibility, okay?”

“I understand,” I replied softly. “I don’t want to try for the fast track here, I know there are some things I’m stumbling on, but all in all things seem to be going well. I want to make sure I can take care of Cross too, it wouldn’t do either of us any good if I tried handling things too soon.”

“We’ll talk more when the time is right,” she assured me.

I met Brieanna the next evening at Paul’s house. Tori had arranged for all of us to have a night on the town together. Brieanna showed up a little after eight with Dylan O’Brien, her boyfriend. I watched her while Paul made the introductions.

Brieanna was pretty, with short dark hair and dark eyes. She was originally from Chicago where her parents were high in the corporate world there. She’d gone to Notre Dame where she’d belonged to one of the more popular sororities. After college she’d moved to Sand Francisco and taken over an art gallery

Though she tried to seem at ease, I could see sadness just beneath the surface. I knew she had a child, an infant daughter named Lizzie, and that she had been a surrogate mother for her friend Russell, who had moved to Vegas as well. Russell’s partner, Patrick, had been killed in the attack that had included Brieanna’s embrace. It made Andrew’s attack on me look like a walk in the park.

Dylan was had lived in Australia until his early teens when his parents were killed in plane crash. He’d moved to Washington D.C. to live with an aunt. He’d started college, but a book he’d written had sold quite well, so he quit school to become a full-time writer. He’d moved to San Francisco around the time Lizzie was born, although he hadn’t met Brieanna until afterward. While I didn’t put it together at first, I figured out later that Dylan was the mage Tori had talked about.

When I explained that I had been embraced because someone wanted to have a foothold on my family, I also had to explain that the Cordelones were mobsters. Once Dylan learned the truth about my family, he was very interested in learning more, as research for a book he planned to write.

“What is it that you do?” he asked.

“I’m a translator at the Excalibur,” I explained, “but I don’t spend as much time as I used to, what with clan and family business.”

Brieanna spoke up. “Is that what you did before? What do you do now?”

“Some translating, some clan work, some collections.”

Dylan seemed fascinated. “You shake people down?”

I had to laugh at his enthusiasm. “Something like that. Nothing real scary, Cross won’t let me.”

“Are there other mob families in the area?” he asked.

Of course, I thought of Nick. “A few. The big ones are the Cordelones and the Luchianos. There are others, but they don’t have as much influence.”

When I admitted that the Cordelones ran some of the bigger casinos in town, she seemed to think we had quite the fortune built up. “It’s not as glamorous as it sounds,” I told her.

“I’m sure it’s much more dangerous,” she agreed. “I don’t think I could live like that.”

I smiled wryly. “I didn’t exactly have a choice.”

“Are you dating anyone?”

“Dating?” I wouldn’t exactly call what Nick and I were doing ‘dating’. “No.”

“Are you married?”

“No.” I might have thought another person was being nosy, but I think both of us knew that Tori and Paul expected us to spend time together. Brieanna was simply trying to get to know me. We talked for some time, getting to know each other, answering each other’s questions.

When my phone rang, I thought seriously about not answering it, but a glance at the caller ID showed that it was Nick. I excused myself and walked to the other side of the room, curious as to why he was calling so early in the evening.

“Hey, baby, what are you doing?” he asked.

“Clan business,” I said coolly.

“You don’t sound real happy about that.” I could hear people in the background as if he were at a restaurant, or bar.

I glanced over to see Dylan watching me and turned away from his inquisitive gaze. “I’m in the middle of something.”

“I thought it was family night?”

“I had to switch, Tori wanted me to meet a new friend in town,” I told him.

“A new player?” he asked. “Ventrue? Male, female?”

“Can we talk about this later?” I didn’t want to get into this where someone could overhear me.

“You gonna be home?”

“Yes, but I don’t know what time,” I told him. “I’m in the middle of a meeting.”

“Where?” he demanded.

“Can I call you when I get home?” I asked again.

“Are you on your own? I saw Paulie downtown.”

“No. I gotta go, I’ll call you when I get home,” I told him firmly.

“Okay.”

I could hear the smile in his voice, and it made me want to go home now so I could be with him. I disconnected the call before I could follow through on that thought and turned back to the others. “I’m sorry about that.”

“That’s okay,” Brieanna said. “Is everything okay?”

“Family business?” Dylan asked.

“Kind of but not really.” I really wasn’t sure what to say in the face of his curiosity. “Just a friend of mine that doesn’t like to listen to the word no.”

“Boyfriend?” She remembered what I’d said earlier. “Boy that happens to be a friend?”

“You’ve got the boy thing right,” I murmured.

“But not a friend?”

She was starting to push into things I wouldn’t discuss, couldn’t discuss. “Not really. It’s complicated.”

Before she could say anything more, Paul suggested that we get going. We piled into Paul’s car, and headed out.


	28. A Night Out

_The only box that can hold a secret is a coffin._   
_ Unknown_

THE CIRCLE BAR was busy when we arrived. The hostess knew Tori and Paul and escorted us to one of the better seats in the bar. We ordered drinks and sat back to enjoy the atmosphere of the club. The music was very trendy, and the bar was close enough to the strip to be popular. Paul’s ghoul Andrew Martinson was the manager, and he made sure we were well taken care of.

There were several other vampires in the club, and I encouraged Tori to tell us something about them. Her chatter was filled with interesting tidbits about what people did, what clan they were, and who their ghouls were.

After a while, Dylan asked Brieanna to dance, and I watched them go off enviously. I missed Mark, missed the public side of our relationship. I was losing what little hope I’d once had that Nick and I could ever be public; ever interact outside the bubble of reality we’d created.

Then I felt a warm hand settle on my shoulder. I looked up and could do nothing but stare at Nick while he grinned down at me. “Hey, baby.”

“Nick,” I stammered. “I-I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I thought I’d ask the most beautiful woman in the room to dance with me,” he said. “I was having drinks with friends here.” I glanced toward the bar and saw several of the men who had guarded me while I’d been Nick’s captive. When I cursed softly, he added, “It’s all right, come on.”

The pressure of his hand on my shoulder increased to an uncomfortable level, and I knew I couldn’t say no without causing a scene. After introducing him to Tori and Paul by his first name only, I made my excuses and walked toward the dance floor with Nick’s hand warm on the small of my back.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked as I turned to face him.

“I told you, I was having a drink with a couple of my friends.” He pulled me into his arms, close enough for me to feel the entire length of his body against mine. “You don’t look happy to see me. Do I take this to mean that you weren’t going to call me?”

“Of course, I was,” I told him, “but don’t you think it’s a little obvious us dancing together here? It’s a bit public.” His body was distracting, and I had to admit it felt good to be out on the dance floor with a man who found me attractive.

“There’s no one from your family here, Carla,” he said firmly. “Don’t worry about it.”

I glanced back toward the table we’d come from. “My sire is here.”

“What, is she gonna go tell Cross you’re dancing with someone?” he challenged.

“She might.” The thing was, I didn’t really think she would.

“Not if you ask her not to,” he murmured against my temple.

“You planned this, didn’t you?” I demanded, pulling back to look in his face. “I don’t know how you did it, but you planned it.”

“No, I didn’t, Carla. Jesus Christ.” His tone was irritated, and his hands tightened on my back as he looked down at me coldly.

I reached up and touched his face, hoping to sooth him. “You don’t know who is here that might talk to Cross.”

“No one from your family is here,” he said softly. “Trust me.”

I wanted to protest, but I knew it wouldn’t do any good. Besides, the damage had already been done. As we moved in slow circles on the dance floor, I tried not to think about what might happen if Cross found out I’d been dancing with the enemy.

We’d never danced together before. He danced well and led me with little effort. I relaxed in his arms and allowed myself to enjoy it, even when the song changed to a faster beat. The dance floor was suddenly more crowded, and we danced close together, teasing each other a little.

When another girl began dancing close to Nick, flirting with him, I moved back and waited to see what he’d do. He watched me while the woman stroked his chest, waiting for my reaction. I wasn’t in the mood to play games. If Nick wanted to fuck someone else, he was more than welcome to. I turned and walked away, headed back to my table.

Nick caught my wrist before I’d taken three steps and pulled me back against his chest. “Where you going, baby?”

“Away,” I growled. “You looked busy.”

“Come on, baby,” he purred against the side of my neck. “I don’t even know who that chick was, I was just waiting to see what you’d do, how much you really want me here.” I tried to step away, but he turned me around, bringing my body up hard against his while he held my wrist behind my back. “Where are you going?”

I glared up at him. “I don’t like games, Nick.”

“Games,” he asked with a smile. “What games?”

“You are such a bastard,” I spat.

“Baby, what’re you talking about?” he demanded with a hurt look on his face. “I’m not playing any games. I’m up front here out in the open. You’re the one hiding in your brother’s house.”

Fine. He wanted me to stake my claim on him, fine. I started moving against him to the beat of the music, running my free hand up his chest to curl around his neck. He let go of my wrist and put his hands on my waist, keeping our hips together while we moved.

“That’s better,” he murmured.

“Fuck you,” I shot back.

“We will, baby, later.” He moved his head close to mine. “Why don’t you come back to my place with me?” He moved his hips against mine and in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to agree.

I was tempted, so tempted, but I knew I couldn’t take the risk. “No. You’re supposed to come to my house later remember?”

“So, get your ass out of here and go home,” he said in a low voice.

“What I’m supposed to tell my sire,” I asked harshly. “I have to go get fucked?”

“Why you gotta be that way?” he demanded.

I sighed. “It’s not my choice when to leave tonight.”

“Then I guess I’ll just have to hang out with you until you go,” he grinned.

The other Luchianos were still leaning against the bar, watching us. “What will your friends think?”

“They’ll think what I fucking tell them to,” he replied coldly. “Didn’t we go over this?”

“Whatever,” I said, exasperated. “It’s your neck, I can’t die, remember?”

“Don’t think I’m too eager for that to happen myself,” he murmured. “You would think that would tell you something, but I guess not.”

He was right. Nick would never be this bold if he thought Cross would find out. He might be a bastard, but he was a cautious bastard. I tried to relax, but I didn’t get too comfy. If Nick knew how much I was enjoying this, he’d insist on doing it again. Suddenly he stopped dancing and started looking around the club, searching for something.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, concerned.

“I think we’ve got a new player in town,” he murmured, staring off.

“What are you talking about?” I followed his gaze to see that he was looking at my table. Dylan and Brieanna had their heads together and were talking while Tori spoke with Paul.

“I have to go,” he said abruptly, looking down at me.

“So much for spending the night together,” I drawled.

“I’ll find you at your place later,” he reminded me.

“If you’re so busy don’t bother.” I was irritated now, nearly angry that we’d had so little time together. It wasn’t often that we could pretend we were a normal couple, out on the town.

He put his hand on the back of my neck and pulled me close for a hungry, possessive kiss. I rose on my toes to get closer to him, responding with every inch of my being. I wanted to hate him for leaving, but I couldn’t, I just couldn’t.

“I will see you later,” he whispered as he pulled away.

I watched him walk off the dance floor. His goons watched to, and by the time he’d reached them they had emptied their drinks and were standing waiting for him. They left without a backward glance.

_It hurt so much to watch him leave. For just a little while I’d been able to pretend that we had a normal relationship. I should have known better. And worse, now Tori knows. I must find a way to make him leave me alone._


	29. Confessions

_I’ll confess this_   
_You’re my tragedy_   
_ Godsmack - Straight Out of Line_

BACK AT THE table, Brieanna grilled me over my dance partner. She was persistent enough that I finally admitted that Nick was a member of the Luchiano family. I swore her to secrecy, hoping that Tori had been too involved in her conversation with Paul to overhear us.

“It’s like Romeo and Juliet,” Brieanna said softly.

“No,” I replied, feeling more than a little sad. “They were in love.”

We didn’t stay at the club much longer before Paul drove us back to his house. Brieanna and Dylan left soon after, leaving me alone with my sire, who said she wanted to talk to me before I went home. I was pretty sure I knew what it was about, and I wasn’t wrong.

“That was an interesting gentleman you were dancing with,” she commented.

“Yes, quite,” I said honestly. “I really hadn’t expected to see him this evening.”

They were both watching me closely though Tori was doing all the talking. “Is it safe to assume that you’ve been with him more than once?”

“I’ve met him before, yes,” I replied carefully.

She crossed her arms and gave me a serious look. “I know who he is, Carla. What’s going on?”

I raised an eyebrow, unconsciously mimicking Nick. “Sex, mostly.” I glanced at Paul for a moment before looking back at Tori. “Look, I know I shouldn’t even be talking to him, but he’s a very difficult man to get rid of. He doesn’t seem to understand the concept of ‘no’.”

“I think that you understand that you are playing with fire, Carla,” she said gravely. “Is there anything I can do to help you? Do you have feelings for this man?”

“Feelings? Like, love?” A small laugh sprung from my lips. I didn’t what the hell it was I felt for Nick, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t love. “Mostly I hate him, but he’s a very... persuasive bastard. I know I must stop it somehow, I’m just not sure how. He doesn’t exactly listen when I tell him no. That’s how this whole mess started in the first place.”

I could see in her face that she had a thousand questions to ask me, but somehow, she held herself back. “Where are you meeting him? I thought you had a bodyguard.”

“I do.” I looked down at my hands, trying to hide my unease. “I’m not sure how, but he manages to get past Cross’ security and come to my room.”

There was concern, even worry in her voice. “You need to stop this as soon as possible. We are all sitting in a precarious position because of your embrace and we don’t need a war starting between the families on top of it.”

Paul leaned forward a little as if he was going to say something, but he held his tongue.

“I’m well aware of that,” I replied softly. “I don’t exactly like the idea of Cross finding out about this either, he’d never forgive me. I have tried to stop him before, Tori, but he just gets angry and—” I was going to say frightening, but I didn’t want to worry her more. “I don’t know how to make him stop.”

“Why haven’t you mentioned this before now? We could have helped you with the situation,” she scolded. “When are you to see him again?”

“Tonight.” After a moment’s hesitation, I continued. “I don’t know why I haven’t said anything, I just—he makes me feel... I don’t know, human. He keeps saying that he wants us to be together, and I was hoping I could use that to get peace between our families. He keeps saying that he’ll try to talk to Cross, but he then he comes up with all these excuses, and I know he’s not really trying.”

She frowned. “I don’t like this, not at all. How often do you see him?”

“Most Tuesdays,” I admitted. “Sometimes he comes on other nights a few hours before dawn.”

Paul exhaled audibly and Tori looked in his direction. “How the hell is he getting in?”

“He can’t be that sneaky,” he replied.

“I don’t know,” I told them. “I can’t get him to tell me. It’s almost like he walks past the guards without them seeing anything at all. Even the security tapes don’t pick him up.”

Tori thought about that for a moment before seeming to come to a decision. “Well, you aren’t going home tonight and that’s that. Call your brother and tell him not to expect you, that you need to stay with me and that I will come grab a few things. Tell him that nothing is wrong, but I need you.”

“Tori, I’ve already told him I’ll be there tonight. If I don’t show...” I wasn’t sure what he’d do, but I knew he wouldn’t be happy. “He’ll be livid.”

“I’m about to be blunt here and I’m sorry if I offend you, Carla,” she said with a frown, “but you need to stop being his pawn. Is sex all you’re getting out of him?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “So, he makes you feel human again. That’s great, but not at the expense of your sanity. Do you understand that you cringe at the thought of not being there tonight? That you are so frightened of him that the thought of defying him scares you? You’re Kindred now, babe, and you need to get a spine and stick up for yourself. Nick Luchiano isn’t the only man out there and you can do much better than a person who makes you think less of yourself.”

“Smitts.” When she looked at me questioningly, I said, “It’s Nick Smitts, not Luchiano. Look, Tori, I know I need to stand up for myself, that’s why I need to go home tonight. I-I think I know how to make him stop coming to me. If it doesn’t work, then I’ll gladly let you take care of it.”

She seemed doubtful. “What do you have planned?”

“To call his bluff, in more ways than one.” The idea had come to me only moments before. “I’ve learned a few things from Caitlyn, so he’s not going to throw me across the room, and if he does, I can handle it now. Even if he does get major pissed, I know how to calm him down.” I smiled wryly. “I’ve had plenty of practice at that.”

“Be careful, Carla,” she warned me. “They know how to kill us, and I don’t want to have to be the one to explain things to your brother if something happens.”

I had to agree with her, but I didn’t think Nick was going to kill me, not after everything we’d been through. We headed back to town, and in the car, I asked Tori about something that had been bothering me. “Hunter said something about a head on the prince’s chair, what was he talking about?”

She glanced over at me. “When Andrew was decapitated, she put his head on a pike on the back of her chair,” she explained. “She made sure that every Kindred in town came to see her in the days afterward to see what would happen to those who broke the rules.”

I sat back and looked out the window, thinking about how merciless the Kindred were. I couldn’t see how they could be any different. The mistakes of one vampire could have consequences that affected all of them. By now I knew that the same thing was true of the Mafia. It made me wonder what Cross would do if he ever found out the truth about my relationship with Nick.


	30. Getting a Spine

_There is always choice. We say there is no choice only to comfort ourselves with the decision we have already made. If you understand that, there's hope. If not…  
Babylon 5: Point of No Return_

I’D BEEN IN my room working on clan business for nearly three hours when I heard the doorknob turn. I saved my work and began the process of shutting down my notebook computer, looking up just as Nick was closing the door.

“Hey, baby,” he said with a smile. “How are you?”

“Busy, Nick.” I turned on the chair so I could look at him straight on. “I thought you had better things to do tonight then be with me.”

“Now, baby, don’t be like that way.” His face was sad, as if he regretted leaving me at the Circle Bar. “There was something I had to do. I told you I would come over.”

“What did you have to do?”

He slipped his hands into his pockets casually. “There was a guy I had to see about a job that I forgot about. It was really important, or I wouldn’t have left like I did.”

“Your new player?” I asked. “Who is it and why is it so important?”

“I don’t know. I’m waiting to find out.” He walked toward me and bent to kiss me, but I turned my head so that it landed on my cheek.

“Why is it so important?” I’d never questioned him before, not on family stuff. “Maybe I could help you if I knew more.”

He straightened and looked down at me with a scowl. “What are you pissy for?”

“I’m not, Nick. I just want to help,” I replied calmly. I knew I had to be very careful with how I approached this. “You keep saying that we should do more things together, isn’t this what you meant?”

“Okay,” he said after a long moment. “Tell me what you know about the guy you were with at the bar. Who is he?”

“Dylan?” I asked, surprised. “I don’t really know, Brieanna’s boyfriend, from the way they were dancing. Why? What about him has you so spooked?”

He turned away and took a few steps across the room. “I’m not sure. There’s something about him that’s familiar. I just can’t put my finger on it. Dylan was his name? Did you catch a last name? Where is he from?”

I didn’t want to give him too much information, not without getting something in return. “I’m not sure. Who were those men with you tonight? Are they loyal to you or Sophia? Are you sure they won’t say anything that will get back to Cross?”

“You know them,” he told me. “They are loyal to me, I already told you that. Nothing will get back to Cross with them, that’s why they were with me. Who was the woman? She’s a vampire, isn’t she?”

“Yes, she is. She was forcibly embraced too.” I’d barely begun but already I was tired of playing games with him. I wanted my life back, wanted to go back to a time when my lover and I had no other worries than where we would go to dinner. I slumped in the chair a little, looking down at the desk where I ran hand along the edge of the wood. “We exchanged stories a bit tonight, it made me think—” I let the sadness I felt fill my voice. “—think about Mark. I haven’t thought about him in a while now, been too busy I guess.”

Silence filled the room for a long moment, and when Nick spoke his voice had a wounded sound. “I thought you were over him.”

“I thought I was too,” I admitted sadly. “I think it was seeing the two of them together like that, you know? Not worried about what their families think, or who’s gonna see them. I remember what that was like, just barely, but I do remember.” I looked up at him and tried not to cry. “We’re never gonna have that, are we?”

“Carla,” he whispered as he turned to face me. “I told you I would help get us a place. I’m sorry if you don’t want to leave here but I’m trying to be as accommodating as possible.”

I shook my head. “Nick, a new place would just be someplace else we’d have to hide, and I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of pretending I don’t give a damn about our families, and I’m tired of pretending I’m not what I am.”

“What the hell does that mean?” he demanded with narrowed eyes.

“Do you even care about me, Nick?” I shot back. “Or are you just using me for sex and whatever information you can get out of me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Carla,” he scoffed. “I’ve told you countless times that I care for you. What more do you fucking want from me? I’m trying to talk to Cross, but I can’t fucking get to him. Do you have any idea what will happen to me if my aunt ever finds out about this?”

“I can’t imagine it would be any better than what Cross would do if he found out.” I stood up. “What do I want from you Nick? I want you to prove that you care about me. Prove it or leave me the hell alone.”

He studied my face for a long moment as if trying to gauge how serious I was. I’m not sure what he saw there, but he came back to me and pulled me to him with a hand on the back of my neck. We kissed deeply, passionately, as if there was no one in the world but the two of us. I let it go on for a long time before pulling away.

“The only thing that proves is that we fuck well together, Nick,” I said sadly. “I want more than a good fuck, I need more.”

“Then come with me, Carla,” he begged. His hand moved up the side of my body toward my breast. “I can protect you. You’ll live like a queen and I’ll take care of you.”

“And have you use me as leverage against Cross again? I don’t think so.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about Carla,” he said sincerely. “Tell him that you want to be with me and come with me.” His hand found my breast, then my nipple through the fabric of my shirt and bra.

I wanted to forget about my duties, my family, my promise to Tori, but I couldn’t, not just for sex. “Your family would never accept me, Nick, not for who I am, or for what I am.” I leaned close and nuzzle his neck for a moment before running my teeth across his skin lightly, making him shiver. “I don’t think even you accept me for what I am.”

“In the beginning I was a little worried about you being a vampire, but I don’t care anymore. We could go somewhere, just the two of us,” he offered. “To hell with both our families.”

I wanted to believe him, to believe that he really did care for me, maybe even love me. “Are you sure you’re not freaked about me being a vampire?” I asked against his skin. “Every time I look at you, I want you, Nick. You don’t understand how hard it is for me.” I extended my fangs and let him feel the points, but I didn’t bite into him, not yet.

He inhaled quickly, and suddenly my mind was filled with the idea that I didn’t want to bite him. My mind might have felt that way, but my hunger didn’t agree. I’d been looking at him for so long, feeling his skin and smelling the blood beneath without tasting any of it. I didn’t want to feed from him if he didn’t want me to, but if he loved me, really loved me, he would have to accept what I was. “Just a little, Nick, please. I can’t spend the rest of your life looking at you and not doing this. It’s good, I swear it.”

“Will you come with me if I do?” he asked breathlessly. “I can make you happy, Carla. I swear.”

I put my arms around him and felt the muscles beneath his clothes, his body against mine, his warmth. “I’m tired of pretending, Nick. I’m just not that good at it.” Holding him close, I gently sank my fangs into his skin and drank, just a little.

He gasped as I broke the skin and shuddered when I began to drink. His blood was intoxicating, unlike anything I’d ever tasted before. It wasn’t that it was stronger, or left me feeling any different, but it made all other blood taste like water. He put his arms around me and held me tightly while he began walking me backward toward the bed.

_His blood was sweet, the sweetest I’ve tasted since my embrace. I can almost taste it still. If I could drink from him, I wouldn’t mind the thought of drinking blood quite so much._


	31. A Way Out

_Wherever there is danger, there lurks opportunity; wherever there is opportunity there lurks danger. The two are inseparable, the go together._   
_ Earl Nightingale_

WHEN I WAS sure he wasn’t going to fight me, I settled the fangs deeper into his skin. I drank slowly as he led me backward, enjoying my first taste of him. His hand was at the back of my head, holding me in place, encouraging me to drink. My hands were on his back under his jacket, holding him close, feeling his muscles and warmth through his shirt. His blood was thick and warm, and the taste made me want to keep drinking forever, but I stopped myself when I’d taken enough to quiet the hunger. I licked the blood from the wounds I’d made and felt them close beneath my tongue.

Now that I had stopped feeding, it occurred to me that we’d been walking backward for some time, and my room was just not that big. I opened my eyes to find that while I was still in a bedroom, it wasn’t my bedroom. I blinked, but the room didn’t change.

The walls were made of rustic logs, as if we were in a cabin. One wall had nearly floor to ceiling windows that revealed snow, and trees, and stars. A rocking chair and a chest of drawers sat along another wall which also held a door.

I pulled back and look up at Nick, fighting to stay calm. “What happened? Where are we?”

He grinned and grabbed my face for a quick kiss. “Home, baby. We’re going to be really happy here.”

Oh, my god, he’d meant it, really meant what he’d said about the two of us going away together. “How did we get here?” I demanded, eyeing him suspiciously. “Some kind of... magic?” I remembered what Tori had told me about mages and knew I had to be right.

“You should take a look at the view,” he told me as he took his coat off and threw it on the rocking chair. “It’s really breathtaking.”

I just stood there, staring at him. “That’s how you kept getting into the house, isn’t it? Christ, no wonder you were never worried about getting caught.”

“That really doesn’t matter anymore, does it?” he asked dismissively. “I mean, you’re here now so we don’t really have to think about all this now. Can I get you something?”

I shook my head. “Nick, I can’t stay here. I have responsibilities that I can’t just walk away from.”

His eyes narrowed warningly. “Are you trying to back out now? We had a deal Carla, I let you feed from me and you come away. This is the only way we can be together, baby and you know that.”

“Are you gonna stay with me, Nick?” I demanded. “Are you gonna walk away from your family and your responsibilities?”

“Of course, I’m going to stay with you, Carla,” he growled.

He didn’t like my questioning him, I could see that, but I had to know for sure. “You’re going to do that, really?” I was afraid to believe him but a big part of me wanted to. “You’re going to walk away from all that power Sophia wants to hand off to you to stay here, with me?”

“That was the deal, wasn’t it?”

I believed him, but I didn’t know what to think. If he was giving up his family for me, then he had to be in love with me, there was no other logical reason for it. I didn’t know how I felt, but if he loved me, a lot of things were possible. I walked over and put my hands on his warm chest. He kissed me and started pulling my shirt from the waistband of my pants.

I lifted my arms so he could pull my shirt over my head. “You don’t think that the two of us disappearing is going to cause problems between our families?”

He roughly kissed his way down my neck to my breasts. “They will never find us here.” His hands covered my bra, kneading my flesh, filling my body with need. “I want you. Right now.”

I pulled on his shirt as he maneuvered me toward the log hewn bed that stood in the center of one wall. “Never is a long time, especially for me. Where are we? Where will I hunt?”

“It’s a hunting lodge in Alaska that belongs to my father’s family,” he explained as he laid me down on the bed. “You don’t have to hunt here. We can go anywhere for that.”

I watched him take off his shirt. “I guess I don’t know that much about your family, Nick. I know you’re Sophia’s nephew, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything about your parents.”

He stopped for a moment, standing by the bed looking down at me. “My parents died when I was young.” His voice was quiet and controlled. “My mother’s sister raised me as her own, placing me higher than her own daughter. She believes that I should be the one to lead the family in the new millennia.” I caught passion in that last statement, like he agreed with her.

“How old were you when they died?” I asked gently.

“Young.” He lay down next to me on the bed, his body warm against mine. “Eight.”

“That must have been hard.” I ran my hand through his hair and looked up into his beautiful green eyes. “It was hard when my mom died, and I was an adult.”

“It was so long ago,” he said softly. “I have one distinct memory of my mom. She used to make these biscotti that were out of this world. They practically melted in your mouth.”

I couldn’t imagine having only one memory of my mother. She’d been my best friend for so long, and I still missed her every day. “It’s good that you remember her, at least.” Though I could remember my mother clearly, I would never have any memories of Carlo.

He cleared his throat and rolled on top of me. “Enough of this sad talk.” He began kissing my face and neck softly. “Let’s do something more fun than talk about stuff that will only make us sad, okay?”

I tried to fight the fire his lips lit in my body. “Wait, Nick, I don’t understand. Why would you walk away from what Sophia wants you to be?”

His eyes met mine for a moment. “To be with you.” He sounded nearly as passionate about that as he had been about leading his family into the next millennium.

I shook my head. “I don’t see how I compare to all that power.”

“I’ll see that you do,” he promised as he lowered his head to kiss me. This time there was no fighting the fire that sparked between us.

Nick fell asleep after we made love. I laid there watching him, wondering if I really could walk away from my family and my clan. Then I remembered that Tori knew I was going to meet with Nick. If I disappeared, she’d blame it on the Luchianos and go to them looking for me. She might even go to Cross.

Once I was sure he was deeply asleep, I got out of bed carefully and quietly. I gathered my clothing and left the room to dress. I knew I had to get to a phone, I had to call Tori and let her know what was going on.

For a hunting lodge, the house was huge. There were five bedrooms on the second floor, and a few more downstairs. I found a study on the first floor, but the phone didn’t work. There was a computer, but I didn’t know the password. I found a rack of keys near the door but just as I thought I’d found the right set for the car in the garage, I heard Nick call my name.

“I’m here,” I called as I walked toward the stairs.

He met me at the top of them, still naked. “Where did you go?”

“I was just looking around.” I stepped onto the landing and put my arms around his neck. “Did you have a nice nap?”

His hands went around my waist. “Fine. Getting your bearings?”

“Looking for a place to sleep. The windows in the bedroom are huge.” As he kissed my cheek, I leaned close to his neck, remembering what it was like to feed from him.

“It will be alright, baby,” he said softly. “I’ll take care of that.”

“Nick?” I murmured against his skin. “I keep thinking about what will happen back in Vegas with us gone.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I wish there was another way to be together and still be there.”

“There is.” I pulled back to look at him. “We could talk to Cross, explain to him how we feel. We could go right now, Nick. We could talk to your aunt too.”

“I think you know your brother about as well as I know my aunt, Carla.” He shook his head. “Neither one of them are going to go for it. We can’t think so naïvely.”

“We have to try, Nick. I don’t want a mob war, and—and I don’t want the Ventrue to go to war with the Luchianos, either.”

He frowned, suddenly concerned. “What do you mean? Why would the vampires attack my family?”

“I had to tell Tori about us tonight,” I confessed softly. “She knew you were coming to the house. When I don’t call her, she’ll know you had something to do with my disappearance, Nick.”

“Damn it, Carla,” he demanded harshly. “Why did you have to do that? If no one knew about us, then we could have pulled this off. But now….” He pulled away and took a few steps toward the bedroom. “Now what?” he asked more of himself then of me.

“Why did I have to do that?” I countered angrily. “Why did you have to dance with me tonight, Nick? She saw us together; she knows who you are. I told you before we can’t go on hiding. As good as this fantasy you have here sounds, Nick, it’s not gonna work. If we want to be together, we have to talk to our families.”

“Fine, I’ll take you back,” he said without turning around. His voice was calm, almost frighteningly cold. Without another word he went to the bedroom and started getting dressed.

I stood in the doorway watching him, a part of me wishing that things could have turned out the way he wanted them to. Unfortunately, I didn’t trust him enough to believe that he could walk away from his family.

He didn’t even look at me until he was fully dressed. He grabbed his coat from the rocking chair and looked at me with very little emotion on his face or in his voice when he said, “Come here.”

I walked into the room to stand close to him. “I’m sorry, Nick. I wish it could be the way you said it would be.”

His arm went around my neck, pulling my face to his chest to hide my eyes. I put my arms around his waist and held on as he walked me backward. I held on even when he stopped, trying to prolong the moment, but I knew it wouldn’t last.

It didn’t. He pulled away, leaving me standing alone in the middle of my bedroom. The only thing that had changed since we left was the pull of dawn that was suddenly much closer. He looked at me for a long moment, but I couldn’t read his eyes. Then he headed for the door, stopping only when he’d opened it to look over his shoulder at me.

“Goodbye,” he said softly, sounding very final.

“Nick,” I called as he turned to go. He stopped but didn’t look at me. I took a step toward him. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to ask him, but what was the use? It would be so much smarter to just let him walk out the door. “Goodbye, Nick.”

I watched the door close behind him and wanted nothing more than to forget tonight had ever happened. Though I knew I should tell Tori what Nick was, hell, I should tell Cross what he was, I didn’t want to. Now that I was safe at home, there was no reason anyone needed to know about Nick’s magical abilities. The relationship was over, the best thing I could do would be to forget about it and move on with my life.

I lay down on the bed fully dressed and let the sunrise take all thoughts away.


	32. The Gift

_I might forget you_   
_But not forgive_   
_ Natalie Merchant - Seven Years_

WHEN THE SUN went down, I showered and dressed in a silky skirt that fell to mid thigh. The peach color accented the deeper color in the tank top I chose, which I covered with a matching jacket. I put on a pair of earrings and a bracelet, but I hadn’t yet found a necklace to match them, so I went without.

As soon as I was ready to go, I called Tori.

“How did your conversation go?” she asked.

“I’m not really sure,” I told her. “He was extremely upset that I wouldn’t go away with him.”

“So, it’s done then?”

“I think so.” I hoped it was. “He said goodbye when he left, and it sounded quite final.”

She was relieved to say the least and pleased that my evening plans included taking Brieanna and her friends out for a night on the town. We were to meet at Paul’s, although he wasn’t going with us. I’d arranged for Cross’ limo, and tickets to a show at the Excalibur.

Russell was very nice, although he was still mourning his lover, who had been killed the night of Brieanna’s embrace. He was the biological father of Brieanna’s baby, and they planned on raising her together.

Dylan was there as well, and he was pleased to see Donny. He spent half the night trying to convince the bodyguard to tell him what it was like to be a part of a Mafia family. Donny had never said a lot on the nights he’d guarded me, and that didn’t change tonight. He seemed more comfortable out of the conversation than in it and paid more attention to what was going on around us than to what we were saying to each other.

The Pussycat Dolls was playing at the Excalibur, and we all enjoyed it very much. Afterward I gave them a tour of the casino. It was when we were getting off Merlin’s Magic Motion Ride that two gentlemen approached our group. Dylan made the introductions, telling us that the older distinguished looking gentleman as Matthew Welch, and explained that they’d met earlier in the day. The younger man was Damien Golden, a music executive, who was wearing a suit and had his long hair pulled back in a ponytail.

“Gentlemen, I’d like you to meet my girlfriend,” Dylan said with his arm around Brieanna. He also introduced Donny and me.

“We were passing through to get to the Luxor and a show,” Matthew told us.

After telling the men that we’d seen a show that evening, he told us Matthew owned a restaurant over at Treasure Island. I’d been to the casino, but not the restaurant in question, and said so.

“You must come and check out my humble corner of the world,” Matthew offered.

We chatted for a few minutes about nothing in particular before they moved on. We’d barely turned to go ourselves when Brieanna gave me a confused look.

“When did you pick up that necklace?” she asked me.

I put my hand to my neck and to my surprise I was indeed wearing a necklace. Looking down I saw a very delicately woven platinum chain that matched the other jewelry I’d worn that evening, with a single diamond pendant. I’d never seen either before. “I have no idea.”

“We haven’t even been in a store yet,” she pointed out.

“I didn’t put on a necklace tonight,” I told her. “When did you notice it?”

“A moment ago,” she replied. “Is it real?”

“I have no idea, it looks real.” I couldn’t figure out where the necklace had come from, things didn’t usually appear like magic. As soon as I thought that, I knew where the necklace had come from. I looked around frantically, but there was no sign of Nick.

Brieanna noticed my movements. “Is everything okay?”

I looked from her to Donny and knew I couldn’t say anything there. “I think I need to powder my nose,” I said at last. Leaving the men waiting outside the woman’s rest room, Brieanna and I went inside. “Nick did this, I know he did,” I said when we were alone. “The bastard is not going to leave me alone.”

“Yeah, but you got a really damn nice necklace out of it,” she said with a smile. “He’s just trying to be nice, so he gave you a necklace. If someone gave me a necklace like that I wouldn’t complain.”

I was complaining. “He thinks he owns me, damn it. I thought I got rid of him last night, but shit!”

She watched as I paced restlessly. “Maybe you should just give him a chance.”

“I’ve been trying to get him to talk to Cross for almost six months,” I told her. “I wanted them to work out peace between our families so that we could go public. He keeps giving me excuses, acting like he can’t get near Cross, but he could get close to him when he kidnapped me, couldn’t he? Damn it, if he really wanted to be with me, he’d stop making excuses and do something about it.”

“Maybe you should do something about it and quit bitching,” she told me. “Set something up without them knowing. If you want them to solve their differences, maybe you should help them along.”

“They’d kill each other.” I shook my head. “I just want him to leave me alone.”

“Is that what you really want?” she asked logically. “One minute you say you want them to get along, the next you want him to leave you alone.”

She didn’t understand, she couldn’t. “There’s no way the families will ever coexist peacefully. I’ll send the necklace back.”

“Maybe there’s just a simple misunderstanding,” she suggested. “You’ve only known the truth about your family for six months, maybe there’s a lot you don’t know.”

“I know enough to know Cross will never forgive the Luchianos,” I said sadly, “and that Nick will never forgive the Cordelones.”

“You could be wrong.”

“I could be, but we’ll never know, will we?” I replied a lot calmer than I felt. “Nick will never talk to Cross.” I took the necklace off and put it in my purse. “We should probably go out there now, we’ve been in here a while.”

“Hey, Carla,” she called as I reached the door. “Do you love him?”

“Of course not,” I said quickly. He was the enemy, damn it, and as much as I liked what he did for my physically, I didn’t love him, I couldn’t.

Before we left the Excalibur, I excused myself and went up to my office where I wrapped the necklace in paper and put it in an envelope addressed to Nick at one of the Luchiano casinos. I dropped it in one of the outgoing mailboxes on our way out the door.

I was a bit depressed when I rejoined the others. Dylan was very loving with Brieanna, and together with Russell, they were a tight, well bonded group. Watching them made me feel lonely.

“What are we going to do now?” Dylan asked.

Brieanna looked at me. “Have you ever been to the Carnival here?”

I nodded. “We can go there, if you’d like, but I think we’re overdressed.”

Dylan seemed puzzled. “Overdressed?”

“Inquiring minds would like to know what we’re supposed to be wearing,” Brieanna said with a smile.

“As little as you’re comfortable with,” I replied seriously.

Donny had the car pulled around and waiting for us when we got outside. As we left the building, he was very conscious of what was going on around us, so much so that even Dylan commented on it. I wished he’d relax a little, but that didn’t seem likely. He was doing his job, after all.

The front of O’Shea’s looked like your typical liquor store. It was on Sahara Avenue past Marilyn Parkway, just off the beaten path. The only way to the Carnival was by saying a pass phrase to the man behind the counter, who then pointed you toward the back room and the elevator that took you down to the Carnival.

The elevator doors opened onto a scene one wouldn’t have thought existed beneath the streets of Las Vegas. Directly in front of us was a sheik’s tent straight from 1001 Arabian Nights. Once we went through the doorway, we saw luxurious couches, short tables, and pillows on the floor. There were people everywhere, milling and lounging about, most with a drink in their hand.

While the customers of the Carnival were mostly dressed, the staff was not. Everyone who worked the floor was naked, both male and female. They were mostly in their mid to late twenties, and all were in top shape physically.

The entire Carnival had an Arabian look to it. There were many tents scattered throughout the underground room. Here and there among them were rides such as a carousel and carts pulled by staff members. At the far side of the room, I knew there was a line of tents that held games.

I’d been to the carnival before on business, but never at leisure. Brieanna admitted to going to the Carnival in San Francisco, but neither Dylan nor Russell had ever visited one of the Ventrue franchises. I wasn’t sure if Donny had been there before, but as he didn’t seem shocked, I assumed he had.

We went into the refreshment tent and found a few low couches that were empty. We ordered drinks and sat down to talk for a little while.

“This is quite a place,” Russell commented.

“You haven’t seen anything yet,” I assured him.

Dylan looked at me questioningly. “What did you do when you came here?”

“I was here on business,” I replied, “but I did through the games.”

“Why didn’t you play?” he asked.

“I didn’t have anyone to play with.” As interesting as games like ‘Bop a Boner’ looked, I didn’t feel comfortable playing them alone. The others wanted to try their hands, so we took our drinks and headed that way.

We made our way leisurely through the games area, stopping to try the Lick and Shoot where the object of the game was to shoot suction cups onto areas of a sheet glass that stood in front of three naked people. Of course, hitting the genital areas and nipples gained the most points.

A few games later I spotted someone I knew in the crowd and took Brieanna to meet her. The others followed as well.

Caroline ran the Carnival, along with her ghoul, Ryan, who stood next to her as she spoke with one of the customers. Ryan noticed me, and Caroline excused herself to come join us. “I see you have a new friend this evening,” she said to me.

I made the introductions, and Caroline had of course heard of Brieanna. “I hear that you’ll be working for Dimitri establishing a gallery,” she said to her with a smile. “I always say that this town needs a little less neon and a lot more class.”

Caroline offered to give us a tour of the carnival, both the public areas, and the private ones. She showed us the Bridal Path, where employees wore harnesses and boots, along with a bit less comfortable accessories, to race. She also showed us the staff quarters, where I’d never been before.

The Carnival could staff up to a hundred workers at a time. The underground area held living and sleeping quarters, as well as a training area, and bath. Brieanna didn’t seem to understand why anyone would want to work in a place such as this, so Caroline explained.

“Some people like to be submissive. Some people who have jobs that are very demanding like to be able to have the freedom to say, ‘take my stress away’. We have doctors on staff that maintains everyone’s physical health, and everyone is evaluated regularly,” she explained.

Once we left the private areas of the Carnival, Caroline excused herself and we moved on to the tents that held the shops. Russell was impressed by some of the erotic art and photographs, and he pointed some of them out to Brieanna. As they talked to the clerk about contacting some of the artists, I walked down some of the isles near the back of the store.

I had idly put my hand in the pocket of my jacket when I felt a piece of paper. Since I didn’t remember putting anything in the pocket but my hand, I pulled it out to see what it was. Nick’s handwriting was in thick bold letters on the white paper. _Where’s your new bauble, baby?_ I crumpled the paper and threw it in a nearby waste bin, thankful that Donny hadn’t noticed. We moved on to the tent where toys and lingerie were sold.

“Maybe you should buy something for your boyfriend,” Brieanna suggested with a teasing smile.

I glanced at Donny, hoping he hadn’t overheard. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Come on, buy something for him,” she urged.

“I’m trying to break up with him,” I reminded her, “not encourage him.”

Thankfully she dropped the subject by picking up a leather harness and holding it up for Dylan to look at.

A little while later we found ourselves near the Ferris Wheel. Russell went of to play another one of the games while the rest of us got on the ride. The baskets had canopies which gave each of them a bit of privacy. I was surprised that Donny agreed to get on the ride, but once we were moving, he relaxed a little.

We talked as we rode, and I never realized how little conversation I’d had with Donny. He was a lot smarter than I’d given him credit for, very perceptive about people and events around him, which I suppose was necessary in his line of work. He’d been working for the family for nearly six years, ever since he’d had to drop out of college when he’d injured his knee and lost his football scholarship.

“What do you do when you’re not babysitting?” I asked.

“This isn’t babysitting, I’m protecting you,” he chided me. He told me he was very much into sports and interested in the local horse racing scene. He’d thought about buying a horse to race, but he was afraid to take the gamble.

Donny was saving money for a house in Cross’ neighborhood so that he’d be settled when it came time to get married. Not that he had a steady girl at the moment, but he wanted to be ready when the time came.

The ride seemed to relax Donny a bit so that he wasn’t quite so stiff when we moved on. It wasn’t until nearly thirty minutes later that I caught a glimpse of someone who might have been Nick. I only saw him from behind, but the short blond hair and body type was so close to Nick’s that it made me wonder. I knew it could well be my imagination, but either way, it was getting late.

I turned to the others. “Did we have fun? Have we had enough?”

Everyone agreed that we had, and Donny made the call to bring the limo back around. The night wound down after we left the Carnival, but that was all right. I had plenty of work to do at home.

Once we dropped off Brieanna and her friends at home, I called Tori to check in. She reminded me of the party Paul was throwing to introduce Brieanna to Kindred society in Las Vegas, and I asked to come to her place before hand so that we could talk before going to the party together.

It was nearly five when I finally got home. I opened the door to find the light on, which made me think Nick was waiting for me, but I was wrong. The only thing out of place in the room was an envelope sitting on the couch with a yellow sticky note attached. _I don’t expect to find this in the mail again, baby,_ it read.

As soon as I read the words, the note disintegrated, leaving behind the Excalibur envelope I’d mailed the necklace to Nick in. It seemed heavier, bulkier than it had been when I’d mailed it, and I opened it to find a jeweler’s box that held a matching bracelet and earrings.

_Why does he keep tormenting me? He’s only making it harder on both of us. He knows we can’t be together, why won’t he leave me alone? I hate him, I really do. I have no choice but to ask Tori to help me._


	33. Boomerang

_Back into my skin and out on the street_   
_Lookin’ for a little salvation_   
_ Melissa Etheridge - It’s Only Me_

I TOOK SPECIAL care in dressing the night of Brieanna’s party. It was a formal event, and the dark blue gown I’d bought a few weeks before was perfect. It was tea-length and had a slit up one side that came to mid thigh. The thin straps left my shoulders bare and revealed a fair amount of skin on my chest. Nick’s necklace would have been perfect, but I wasn’t about to wear it. I put on the gold cross my mom had given me and slipped the envelope full of Nick’s gifts into my purse.

Paulie was busy once again, so Donny was my escort for the evening. He wouldn’t be allowed to come to the party, but he would be waiting just outside while I was there. When we got to Tori’s apartment, I asked him to wait in the living room while I joined her in the den.

Tori had crystal goblets filled with blood waiting for me, and I sipped at mine nervously as I gathered the courage to ask for her help. “What did you want to talk to me about?” she asked before I could say anything.

“I hate to bother you with this, but I promised you that if I couldn’t get rid of Nick, I’d let you take care of it.” I took the envelope from my purse and sat it on the couch between us. “He... sent me a necklace last night and I immediately mailed it back to him, but when I got home, the package was in my room, my locked room. I-I think he was at the Carnival last night too.”

She looked very concerned as she opened the envelope and examined the jewelry. “How did this get into your locked room?”

“I’m not sure. He always seems to get where he wants to.” I couldn’t tell her that I knew he used magic to get in and out of the house, it would just make her worry more. “There was a note on it too; it said that he didn’t want to find that in the mail again. And the other pieces were in the envelope, I hadn’t seen them earlier last night.”

“Carla, you know that this isn’t a good relationship and from what you told me last night I don’t think that you’ve encouraged him in any way,” she said softly. “I’m concerned about what this means for everyone involved.” She shook her head ruefully. “It feels like there is something about this that I’m missing but for the life of me I can’t place my finger on it. I’ll see to it that these are returned to Mr. Smitts personally, but if this doesn’t stop you might have to tell your brother what’s been going on.”

My eyes widened. “I-I can’t tell Cross. I can’t. He’d never forgive me.”

She laid her hand over mine comfortingly. “I think he would be even angrier if he found out some other way.”

I looked away, but I couldn’t deny that she was right. After a moment I met her eye again, fighting the panic that filled me at just the thought of telling my brother the truth. “If I tell him it will mean walking away from the Cordelones. I don’t know if I can do that. Cross is the only family I have left.”

“That isn’t necessarily true,” she said as she patted my hand. “You didn’t mean to get into this relationship with Nick, Carla, and from what you’ve told me the only reason you encouraged it was because he made you feel human. I’m sure that if you explain that to Cross, he may think about it differently.”

I shook my head sadly. “He’ll never understand, Tori, never.” I looked at the jewelry again, remembered how I had gotten them. “But Nick’s not really leaving me a choice, is he? I should tell Cross now, before he finds out some other way.”

“Take a day to think about it,” she advised. “Let me return these to Mr. Smitts and talk to him. We’ll see what happens from there, okay?”

“All right.” I looked up at her again. “Honestly, Tori, I don’t know what else to do. I can’t keep on seeing Nick, and I can’t make him go away. I hate lying to my brother like this, but I know he’s going to be very angry when I tell him. I may have to stay here for a while until I can find my own place.”

“You know that there is always a place for you here,” she said with a smile as she put the jewelry into her purse. “We should probably head over to the club.”

“Of course.”

TBA was closed for the evening in honor of Brieanna’s party. The place was nearly full to the brim with Kindred and their ghouls. Even Julian, the prince of San Francisco, was there, to make sure everything went smoothly for Brieanna. He stayed by her side most of the evening, which didn’t seem to bother Dylan at all.

Brieanna was dancing with Julian when Dylan asked me to dance. He led me to the dance floor, where he proved to be a good dancer, if not quite as good as Nick.

“So, you can do that magic stuff?” I asked softly.

“Ah, magic,” he murmured. “Magic is so subjective. What can I tell you? I’ve been known to perform a trick or two in my time.”

Dylan was the only mage I knew besides Nick. I hoped he would answer some questions for me. “Can you move yourself from one place to another, out of thin air, into thin air?”

“Yeah,” he admitted. “Why?”

I ignored his question. “Can all mages do that?”

“With the proper training. Why do you ask?”

“I’m just curious,” I told him. “Is there any way to block it?”

He looked at me thoughtfully. “I think that there would be a conflict of interest for me to answer that question.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you,” I said quickly. “I don’t want to put you on the spot at all. I just don’t know anyone else to ask about these things. I apologize.”

“I don’t have a problem answering any of your questions,” he replied calmly, “but if I feel uncomfortable answering one of them, I’ll tell you. You’re asking because of Nick, aren’t you?”

I looked up at him in surprise. “Why would you say that?”

“I see no other reason for your curiosity to be peaked,” he told me, “unless you’re hanging out with other mages. What else do you want to know?”

“I’d like to know everything,” I admitted, “but I realize this probably isn’t the place for asking, and I don’t know what would be fair for me to ask without offending you. Can I take a rain check until I know more of what to ask?” I hesitated a moment, then said, “It might not really matter, once I talk to Cross.”

He frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

I shook my head sadly. “I’ll tell you when I know.”

The song ended, and we moved off the dance floor to rejoin Brieanna. The party wound down around midnight, when the bar opened its doors for the regular clientele. I suggested to Brieanna that we go somewhere else in the city, and she agreed if Julian was free to come along. We decided to go to Freemont Street, where we could shop, listen to bands, or simply sit down and talk.

Since Julian had his own bodyguards, it was suggested that I send Donny home, but I knew he wouldn’t go. I settled for talking him into coming along as a friend, not a guard. We all rode in Julian’s limousine, where there was plenty of room for everyone.

Though we were still wearing formal clothes, we weren’t out of place on Freemont Street, where people were still flocking to the stores despite the late hour. Donny loosed up a bit and began to enjoy himself.

Donny and I were in one of the stores with Julian and some of his guards when Dylan entered looking nervous. “We need to get out of here,” he said firmly.

“Why, what’s going on?” Julian asked.

His bodyguards looked nervous, and even Donny had gotten that tense look like he was on duty again.

“I don’t now,” Dylan told him, “but Bri said that she wasn’t coming in here and to get you out.”

The older man frowned. “Did she hear something?”

“I don’t know but we need to get out,” Dylan insisted.

“All right.” With Julian’s agreement, we all headed for the door. As soon as we rejoined Brieanna on the sidewalk, he demanded to know what was going on.

“There’s a werewolf in there,” she replied calmly.

“Did you talk to someone?” he asked cryptically. “Are they still here?”

“Yeah.” She was looking at a spot near the door of the store as if someone was standing there, but no one was.

“Why don’t we find somewhere else to be?” Julian suggested, taking her arm and leading us all away from the store.

Dylan suggested taking everyone back to their house where we could relax in private.

“I’m still confused as to what just happened,” I told Brieanna as we walked toward the cars.

“I’ll explain it later,” she promised.

“Carla, I’d like to talk to you,” Julian said as he handed Brieanna over to Dylan. I let him take me aside, where he said, “Do you want to get rid of my bodyguard?”

“I don’t think he’ll get rid of him short of dominate,” I said with a shake of my head, “and Cross wouldn’t appreciate it. If it’s a problem I can go on home.”

“No, not at all,” he said with a smile. “I want you to feel comfortable.”

“It would just be easier to let him come,” I told him.

After a quick detour to pick up my car from Tori’s apartment, we went back to Brieanna’s house. She’d warned us that the baby would be sleeping, so we did our best to be quiet as we went in. The men went into the great room while Brieanna and I went to the kitchen for refreshments.

“I got the feeling that something was on your mind earlier at TBA,” she began.

“You know, what’s more interesting is what happened on Freemont Street,” I told her.

She sighed. “I can see ghosts and talk to them. They help me a lot,” she admitted warily. “They said there was a werewolf in there and not to go inside. Julian knows, and Dylan knows. I could do it when I was still mortal, I was a medium. I still can. I know when they’re around, I can talk to them, they can talk to me, sometimes we help each other.”

“Wow,” I breathed. “And I was just going to tell you the jewelry I mailed ended up in my room before I got home last night.”

“It was a nice necklace,” she pointed out. “You might as well keep it now.”

“Too late,” I shrugged. “I gave it to Tori; she’s going to take care of it.”

The phone rang, and when Brieanna answered it, listening to her side of the conversation I realized that Dylan had answered it too and she hung up quickly.

“So, ghosts, huh,” I murmured thoughtfully. “That could be useful.”

“Sometimes it is,” she admitted. “The other night when we were at the Excalibur, there was one there and at the Sphere. They’re everywhere I go. There was one at TBA.”

We talked about her experiences while we gathered drinks and snacks for Dylan and Donny. When we went into the living room, Dylan was still on the phone.

“How about tomorrow night?” he asked Brieanna. When she agreed, he finished his conversation and rung off.

We spent the next few hours relaxing and enjoying each other’s company. Julian was interested in my family, and I told him what little I could, but there wasn’t much I could share with him. He seemed to understand and turned the conversation to other things.


	34. Getting Closer

_Come and suffer come and bleed_   
_Give to me everything I need_   
_ Inkubus Sukkubus - Vampirella _

NEAR FOUR WE made our excuses. I claimed family business pulled me away, but really, I knew that Donny had had just a little too much to drink and needed to go home and sleep it off. After arranging with Brieanna to meet with her in a few days, we left.

Donny was relaxed in the car, chatty even, resting his head on the seat and watching me drive.

“How are you doing?” he asked me. “Are you getting to the point where you like it?”

I knew without asking that he was talking about being a vampire. “I wouldn’t go that far,” I admitted. “There are some benefits, but a lot of drawbacks too. I have made some very good business contacts and some friends now.”

“I’m your friend.” When I gave him a skeptical look, he added, “I like you, you’re Cross’ sister and all, but you’re still hot.”

“Now I know you’ve had too much to drink,” I said with a smile.

“No, I’m not,” he protested. “I’ve been thinking about you and what it’s like to be you.”

I glanced over at him, but he seemed sincere. “What do you want to know?”

“I don’t know. How do you…” He paused for a moment as if not sure how to phrase his words. “You only drink blood?”

“You watched me drink wine tonight,” I reminded him.

“I mean the blood, where do you get it from?” When I shot him a hot look, he said, “You’re looking at me like I’m dinner.”

“I get blood from men like you, Donny,” I said bluntly, “or from a blood bank that Tori hooked me up with.”

He thought about that for a moment. “What do you mean ‘men like me’?”

I wasn’t sure he’d understand, but I tried to explain anyway. “I have a preference for a certain type of person to feed from.”

“Oh.” He shifted a little in his seat, turning to face me a little more. “What’s it like, being fed from?”

“Well it just happened to me the one time.” I thought about it for a moment, remembering Andrews’s fangs in my throat. “I tried to get away from him at first, but once the actual bite happened, it was very… erotic. From what I can tell, it’s mostly the same for everyone, more or less.”

He seemed intrigued by that. “Really? Well…”

When he didn’t say anything more, I glanced at him questioningly.

“I guess if you ever needed anything and I could help you out, then I might,” he murmured.

I looked at him in surprise. “Are you offering to let me feed from you?”

He shrugged. “I’ll try it once, I guess.”

“Are you sure that’s not the alcohol talking?” I could hardly believe it could be anything else.

“Are you thinking I can’t handle my alcohol?” he demanded.

“I’m thinking if you have second thoughts later, Cross will have my head,” I told him. “He said only volunteers within the family.”

“That’s right, I’m volunteering,” he said firmly. “Most of us are just as curious about you as we were of any other vampire, we just didn’t have contact with any of them to learn anything about them.”

“I was under the impression that most of the family felt like Bernardo and Theresa about me,” I replied carefully.

“There are some that do,” he admitted, “but there are others that are curious.”

“Well, perhaps we can sate your curiosity.” The hunger rose a little, reminding me that while I’d fed earlier, I hadn’t quite fed enough.

He gave me a provocative look. “Perhaps we shall.”

We rode in silence the rest of the way home. I parked in the garage and he followed me inside, but when I began climbing the stairs he hesitated.

I stopped on the third step and turned to look at him. “Would you like to come up?”

He seemed relieved I’d asked and agreed readily. He followed me up the stairs and down the hall to the door of my room. I punched in the code and opened the door, checking quickly to make sure it was empty before letting him in. He took off his jacket and laid it on the back of the chair as he looked around.

“Your room is very interesting,” he said neutrally.

I smiled wryly, remembering Nick’s comments about the room. “Cross decorated it. I think he missed having a little sister. I thought about remodeling, but I’m afraid it would hurt his feelings.”

“Every so often a room needs to be done, that’s what Aunt Theresa says, anyway.” Donny was a third cousin, twice removed, but all the younger generation in the family called Theresa ‘aunt’, everyone but Cross and me.

“Would you like to have a seat?” I asked, gesturing toward the bench at the foot of the bed. We sat down next to each other, although he’d positioned himself so that he was facing me. “How do you want to do this? Do you want to just ease into it?”

He leaned closer slowly, hesitantly, as if he wanted to kiss me. Suddenly he was kissing me, softly at first, then with a bit more enthusiasm. The kiss was pleasant, and I let it continue, even when I felt his tongue on my lips. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer as he deepened the kiss.

His mouth was warm and tasted like wine. I put my hands on his chest, feeling the heat beneath his shirt. As we kissed, I pulled on his tie, suddenly anxious for a taste of his blood. He responded by pulling me even closer until I was sitting on his lap.

I felt his lips on the side of my face, on my neck, moving down my chest, but I concentrated on unbuttoning his shirt. He pulled it off impatiently, revealing a white undershirt that left most of his shoulders bare.

His hand moved to the slit in my skirt, pushing it aside as he touched my leg. He felt so warm on my skin that I wanted to move closer, to let him warm me from head to toe. I kissed my way from his jaw to his neck where I could feel his heartbeat.

“Are you sure you want this?” I asked against the skin of his neck.

He put his fingers into my hair and urged me closer as his other hand slid upward on my leg. I let my fangs drop and slowly sank them into his flesh. He gasped and his hands tightened on me. I tasted the alcohol in his blood, and it went straight to my head.

I didn’t notice his hand moving until it was between my legs, rubbing my sensitive flesh, making me spread my legs so that he could touch me better. A small part of my mind knew I was only responding because of the alcohol and the passion in his blood, but that part wasn’t big enough to make the rest of me care, not for a long time.

When I finally pulled away from his neck, he kissed me deeply, passionately. His hands moved to the zipper at the back of my dress, and before I knew it, I was nearly naked on his lap. He stood and set me on my feet in front of him, where I helped him undress and let him take my panties and bra off, leaving me wearing only stockings.

His eyes were warm as they swept over my body, nearly as warm as his body when he pulled me close. As we kissed, he moved backward, lying down on the bed and pulling me down on top of him. He rolled quickly, spreading my knees with his leg between them and thrusting into my body. Knowing it was too late to turn back, I let myself enjoy the next hour.

It was close to dawn when he stood and began dressing. I laid on the bed watching him, trying to figure out how I felt about what had happened between us. I didn’t find any answers, just a lot of confusion. I almost felt as if I’d betrayed Nick, but deep down I knew Donny was someone Cross would approve of. Once he was dressed, he sat down on the edge of the bed and thanked me. With one last kiss on the cheek, he left me to face the dawn on my own.


	35. Revelations

_Breakin’ the silence is the hardest thing in life_   
_Knowing that you’re wrong that you can’t go on_   
_ Kid Rock - I’m Wrong, But You Ain’t Right_

WHEN I TURNED on the bedside light just after sundown the next evening, I found a message from Nick painted on the wall across the room in bold, bright red letters.

YOU HURT ME, BABY. WHY ARE YOU PLAYING THESE GAMES?

Then I felt something on my neck and realized quickly that it was the necklace Nick had given me, the one Tori was supposed to have returned to him. I tried to find the clasp to take it off, but there was no clasp. I pulled on the chain, but it wouldn’t break, and it wasn’t long enough to get off over my head.

Giving up on the necklace, I crossed the room toward the letters on the wall. Even as I wondered how to clean them off before someone else saw it, they began to fade quickly. By the time I reached the wall they were gone.

Nick had left me with no other choice. I had to talk to Cross, and I had to do it tonight.

I almost walked out of the room wearing only the dressing gown I’d put on when Donny had left, but I knew I couldn’t talk to him looking like that. I changed quickly into jeans and a turtleneck and pulled my hair back into a ponytail before going to find my brother.

He was standing behind the desk in his office talking on the phone. When I hesitated in the doorway, he gestured for me to come in, and finished the call within moments. After hanging up, he smiled at me. “Hey, what’s up?”

I had to tell him, I had to tell him now before I lost my nerve, but I wasn’t looking forward to his reaction. “Cross, I need to talk to you.”

He picked up on my nervousness and came around the desk to put his hands on my upper arms. “What’s wrong?”

“I—” I couldn’t do it; I just couldn’t do it. “I have to leave, Cross.”

He frowned. “Leave? What are you talking about?”

“I can’t—I can’t stay here.” I moved away from him, unable to meet his confused gaze. “There’s... there’s some things going on, and if I stay here, I put you at risk. I have to go, just-just until I can fix things.” I didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to leave him, but the only other choice I had was to tell him, and I couldn’t do that, I just couldn’t do it.

“Is this a Kindred thing?” he asked in a low and controlled tone. “They haven’t done anything to put you in danger, have they?”

“No, Cross,” I said firmly. “It has nothing to do with them.”

“What is it then?” he demanded. “What’s this about?”

“I-I can’t—it’s...” I wanted to tell him, I really did, but I knew he’d be so angry. “If I can fix it, then I’ll come back, but I can’t keep putting-I have to go.”

“Carla, I don’t know what the hell you are talking about, but you better explain.” He turned me around and held me by the shoulders again. “Right now.”

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling, couldn’t stop from falling apart. “Cross, I can’t,” I said through the sobs that shook me. He pulled me into his arms to comfort me. “If I tell you, you’ll be pissed at me, and even if you weren’t, I couldn’t live with myself if you started a war over this. I don’t want to watch my family get hurt, maybe die because I fucked up. Theresa’s right, I’ve caused you enough trouble. I don’t want you to get hurt because of me. You’re all I have left.”

“Shh,” he soothed, holding me close to his chest. “Just calm down, honey, and we’ll figure this all out, okay?”

When my tears subsided, he handed me a handkerchief and I wiped the blood from my face. “I’m sorry, Cross. I didn’t mean to fall apart like that.”

“Will you please tell me what’s going on, Carla?” he asked gently. “I only caught about every other word you were saying when you were crying. What about my mom? Has she done something?”

“No, she hasn’t, but she was right.” I looked up at him sadly, guilt eating at my mind. “I put you at risk by just being here. I can’t—I don’t want to see you get hurt because of me, Cross, I don’t want any of the family hurt because I fu—” I closed my eyes and lowered my head, unable to meet his eyes any longer. “—because of me. I must... I don’t know what I have to do, but I can’t stay here anymore.”

“Carla, you’re not making sense.” He tilted my chin upward until I was looking at him once more. “What the hell are you talking about?” His voice was still calm, but I could hear the unspoken demand.

I closed my eyes for a moment, searching for a way to make him understand without telling him the whole story. “I told you, there’s some—some stuff going on, and until I can fix it, I-I can’t stay here, I can’t work for the family, or the casino. The staff there is good, they’ll manage well without me, and the-the family handled things long before I came into the picture.” I shook my head, hating the idea of running away like this, but it was all I could do. “Maybe I can—I don’t know if I can fix things, or how long it will take, but I-I’ll come back when it’s safe again.” If it ever was safe again. I still had no idea how to get Nick to leave me alone.

Something in my eyes must have showed my determination. “Where are you going to go?” he asked sadly, sounding as if he couldn’t believe this was happening.

I was having a hard time believing it myself. “I don’t know. Tori has a room for me, and she said that she’d-she’d try to help me, but—” I reached up and touched the necklace through my shirt. “I don’t think she can.” I looked away, anywhere but at him. I didn’t want him to see how frightened I was, of Nick, of leaving home, of what I was going to do next. “I don’t know.”

His breath came out in a rush. “Carla, it’s obvious that something big is going on with you. I’ll help with what I can, but you have to tell me. If you think that I can’t help, that’s fine, too, but…” He pulled me close and held me to his chest tightly. “I don’t like seeing you like this.”

I clutched at him and tried very hard not to cry. “You’d try to help, Cross, I know you would, but people would die. I won’t start a war, I won’t.”

He stopped breathing for a moment before pulling away and taking my face in his hands, making me look into his eyes. “It’s the Luchianos, isn’t it?” he demanded. “You keep saying something about a war but that the vampires aren’t involved. It’s them, isn’t it?”

I couldn’t look him in the eye, couldn’t answer him. Guilt crashed over me and I started crying again, wracking sobs that shook my body and answered his question without a doubt.

He swore and pulled me close again. “I’ll kill all of them,” he ground out through clenched teeth.

“No, Cross, no,” I pleaded, pulling back to look up at him. “It’s my fault. I don’t want anyone to die because of me, please.”

His hands were rough on my shoulders, rougher than he’d ever been with me. “Tell me what happened,” he ordered.

I had to tell him; I knew I did. The words tumbled out through my tears, not making a lot of sense, but I couldn’t stop them. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I was angry, and he was there, and it was easy to just... but I hated him afterward and me.”

Cross pulled me into his arms and held me while I let the rest of the story flow like an ill wind. “I wanted to tell you but then you’d hate me too, and there was Mark and I didn’t want to hurt him. I tried to make him leave me alone, but he wouldn’t go away. Then Mark disappeared and Andrew bit me and he made me feel human again, a woman, not some monster. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t... I tried to get him to talk to you but he won’t and I keep telling him to leave me alone but he won’t listen and now it won’t come off and I don’t know what to do but I don’t want anyone to die, please.”

He seemed to understand most of what I was saying, but he still had one question. “Who?”

I shook my head stubbornly. “No. You’ll kill him, or he’ll kill you, and I—” I couldn’t even think about Cross dying, the idea was just too painful. I couldn’t let him go against Nick. “No.”

His hands went to my shoulders again and he shook me roughly. “So help me God, Carla. You tell me who he is or I-I’ll—” He suddenly realized what he was doing and abruptly let me go, taking a step back and closing his eyes to collect himself. He’d never been rough with me before, not ever. That he had been just underlined the fact that I couldn’t tell him. I was sure he hated me, and I knew I more than deserved that hate.

“I’m sorry, Cross,” I whispered, trying very hard not to start crying again. “I know I’m a—great disappointment to you and you pr-probably hate me now, but please, please don’t start a war over this. I’m not worth it.”

He turned away and ran a hand through his hair anxiously. “I don’t hate you, Carla,” he said in a tired voice. “I just wish that you would trust me enough to tell me the truth.”

I shook my head again even though he was turned away from me. “What good would it do if I told you? I want this to end, Cross, but I don’t want him to die. I don’t want anyone do die because of my stupidity. Trust has nothing to do with it.”

“Are you in love with him?” His voice was pained, as if it hurt him just to ask the question.

“No,” I said firmly. “I’m not.”

He looked at me at last. “Then why all the secrecy? Why won’t you tell me who it is?”

I closed my eyes and bowed my head. He was asking me to choose between him and my lover, and Cross won hands down, as I’d always known he would. Still, I expected it to be the last straw; I didn’t think he’d ever forgive me once he knew the truth. I braced myself for his anger and said, “Nick Smitts.”

He was deadly silent for a long moment. “You mean to tell me that you’ve been sleeping with the guy that kidnapped you?” The anger in his voice was a live thing, hissing along my skin.

I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. Anything I said now could make his anger worse, but I’d told him the truth and now I had to deal with it. “I can’t pretend that it was right,” I said as I looked him in the eye once more, “or that I didn’t know better, and ‘heat of the moment’ only goes so far. All I can say is that I’m trying to do the right thing right now.”

“And you’ve been involved with him all this time?” he demanded harshly. “I must be the biggest fucking fool. Is that why you wanted to help with the family business after your embrace? To take information back to your Luchiano dog?”

“No! God, no!” I could tell he didn’t want to believe his accusation, but the fact that he’d even voiced it made me angry. “I would never do that. I never told him anything about the family; we never talked about anything I did for you.” I stopped to take a calming breath, telling myself that after what I’d revealed, he had every right to believe the worst of me. “The only time we ever talked about the Cordelones was when I tried to convince him to come to you, Cross. I tried to get him to make peace with you.”

His eyes narrowed. “That was why you talked to me about the Luchiano’s before, isn’t it? Your little boyfriend was too chicken to come to me himself so you thought you would try to smooth the way. God, I’m an idiot.”

“No, I’m the idiot,” I protested sadly. “I actually thought he—” There was no use getting into the details with Cross, it would only antagonize him. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Romance sour already?” he asked dryly.

“There was never any romance,” I told him. “God, if there was it would be so much easier. If I loved him, I’d have a reason for being so stupid. It’s sex, just sex. I’ve tried to end it a dozen times, before and after my embrace, but...” I shook my head ruefully. “Christ, I bit him, and he still won’t go away.” I raised a shaking hand to run through my hair before I remembered that I’d pulled it back and settled for smoothing it down instead.

He walked over to the desk and leaned against it, eyeing me questioningly. I could tell he was trying to understand what was going on, and when he spoke his voice had lost its harshness. “So, let me get this straight, you aren’t in love with this guy. You don’t want to be with him, don’t even like him by the sounds of it, and you even feed from him? I don’t get it.”

“It’s complicated, Cross, and hard to explain.” I sighed and struggled for a way to make him understand. “After Mark d-disappeared I just-it was so hard to deal. He showed up and I thought ‘this is it; he’ll see what I am and run screaming,’ but he didn’t. He didn’t care. He made me forget, for just a little while, what I am.” I blinked to hold back the tears that threatened once more. “I can’t—I don’t know how to tell you what that felt like.”

He looked as though I’d hit him with something hard. Before he dropped his head, I could see in his eyes that he blamed himself for what had happened to me. I didn’t understand that, it wasn’t his fault, he hadn’t been there the night Andrew had attacked me. Of course, if he’d told me about vampires and the fact I was dating a ghoul, I might have been better prepared, more cautious.

“He makes you feel human again?” he asked softly.

“He did. He does. Hell, I don’t know. He’s so infuriating sometimes I could just— but then sometimes...” I shook my head, very confused at my emotions. I hated Nick, but I couldn’t deny that I craved the things he did for me. “I don’t know how to explain it to you when I can’t explain it to myself. I just know that he’s-he’s a—its wrong, it has to end, I know that.” I didn’t want to give up the one person who made me feel most human, but I couldn’t keep betraying Cross either.

“I can help,” he offered softly.

I eyed him warily. The only thing I could think of that he would do was to kill Nick, and that was very nearly the last thing I wanted. “How?”

He turned his head to look at me, his eyes cold and determined. “Let me handle him. He won’t bother you again.”

“No, Cross, no,” I pleaded desperately. “I don’t want to see either one of you hurt, please. I’ll take care of this, I will, I swear it.”

“What are you going to do, kill him yourself?” he demanded.

I could see that he didn’t think I could do it, and he was probably right. “I told you, I don’t want anyone to die. There has to be a way to fix this without killing someone.”

He gave me a level look before walking around his desk to stand by his chair. “Do you really think this will end without blood shed?”

“Why does there have to be blood? Hasn’t there been enough shed between our families? This isn’t the thirties in Chicago, Cross,” I reminded him angrily. “I fucked up, I admit it, but that doesn’t mean that anyone has to die!”

“You don’t get it, do you, Carla?” he asked calmly. “This is how life is for me, for our family. We live by the old codes; kill them before they kill us. That is how it is for us. There’s no talking, just doing. You have to prove that you are the best, the strongest. That way you can keep what you’ve worked for.”

His eyes were so cool, so sure, as if it didn’t bother him to talk about killing. I stared at him and realized that I’d never really known my brother after all.

“Dear God, he’s right, isn’t he?” I whispered. “You’re just like the rest of them, just like he is.”

He rested his hands on the desk and leaned toward me. “I try not to be, Carla. It’s really hard and sometimes I can’t be diplomatic, but for the most part I try not to be the man people like Uncle Bernardo want me to be.” He sounded tired, as if he didn’t want to be that kind of person, but he had a job to do, and he was going to do it come hell or high water.

In a calm clear voice, I asked, “Did you kill Mark?”

He looked as if I’d slapped him, and I could see his defenses going up as he straightened. “Where the hell did that come from?”

Even now I couldn’t really believe that he’d done anything to Mark, but I couldn’t hold back the anger that spilled out. “You didn’t like him, he went away. Seems like the same situation here. Are you going to kill every man I fuck?”

“I didn’t kill Mark,” he denied vehemently. “Even though he lied to you and came into this house under false pretenses, I didn’t kill him, and I’ve never heard the end of it from the rest of the family. I knew that you loved him and that even though he was a ghoul, he made you happy. That’s what saved his life.”

“You’re right, I did love him,” I shot back. “I’m sorry that it made problems for you, but I loved him, and I wouldn’t trade one minute of what we had, no matter how much he lied to me.” It was hard not to start crying again, but somehow, I managed. “Killing him would have started a war with the Kindred, you know that, just like you know killing Nick will start one with the Luchiano’s. Do you really think Sophia’s going to let that one go? That’s if you even can kill him, Cross, he’s a—” I wanted to say it, to warn my brother that Nick could use magic, but I couldn’t get the words past my lips. I cursed softly then said, “There’s been no harm done here, Cross. No one knows about it, why does it have to go any further?”

“And just how do you think you’re going to end this?” he demanded. “I take it from what little you’ve told me that he’s being insistent about seeing you.” It was obvious that bothered him.

“Maybe I haven’t tried hard enough.” I walked over to the couch and sat down with my head in my hands. “Maybe-maybe I keep wondering if anyone else will ever make me feel the way he does. It’s a hard thing to walk away from, love or no love.” I’d never voiced that thought aloud, but it was true. I didn’t know if I could face the rest of eternity without Nick’s warmth, without ever feeling human again.

Cross came over and crouched in front of me, putting his hand on my knee. “Let me take care of it then,” he pleaded. “There’s no reason for you to have to do this on your own, Carla. Let me protect you for once.”

I tried to blink the tears in my eyes away as I put my hand on the side of his face. “Cross, I know I’ve asked a lot of you, I know it, but please, please don’t try to kill him, don’t start a war over this. I love you. I don’t want to see you get hurt because of me.”

He took my hand and kissed the palm, worry and concern filling in his eyes. “Nothing will happen to me,” he promised. “What are you going to do that I can’t?”

“There has to be a way to deal with this peacefully, Cross,” I told him. “I know the families hate each other, but isn’t there some way to make them work together?”

He lifted a hand to wipe away a blood tear from my cheek. “The one thing that I appreciate more than anything sometimes is the fact that you are so unknowing about how the hatred between the families work. There will never be peace between us.”

I shook my head, trying to deny what was so obviously the truth. “You’re just like he is, letting your hate rule your mind. Why can’t there be peace? Because there never has been? Because Bernardo says so? Because Carlo said so?” I had to do something to change his mind, I just had to. I pulled on that part of me that was Kindred and used it to try and make him see reason. “If you _want_ peace, Cross, you could _make_ peace with the Luchianos.”

For a moment I thought it was working, could almost feel my power bending his thoughts. Then he closed his eyes and shook his head, shook it off. When he looked at me again, I could see hatred burning in his eyes, hatred for me and for what I was.

He stood and the side of my face exploded with pain when the back of his hand connected. I fell back on the couch, reeling with the blow.

“Get the fuck out of my house,” he ordered, his voice booming with the rage I’d seen in his eyes. “How dare you use your power on me? I took you in, stood up for you when everyone else advised against it! Get out and don’t come back!”

I laid there for a moment with my hand on my face. Only the pain made it possible to believe he’d actually struck me, the way that Andrew had struck me. Deep down I knew it was my fault, that I deserved it for simply being Kindred, but my heart was still breaking.

With tears spilling down my face, I stood and edged around him toward the door, not sure if he’d hit me again, but he just turned away as if I were beneath his notice. Once I was out of his reach, I fled.


	36. Nowhere to Run

_Now I know I’ve got to run away_   
_I’ve got to get away_   
_ Soft Cell - Tainted Love _

I FLED. MY feet flew on the stairs and down the hall to my room, where I had only enough presence of mind enough to know that I needed my keys, needed to get away as quickly as possible before Cross changed his mind and decided to take my head. I grabbed my purse from the desk and fled again, down the stairs and into the garage.

I managed to get nearly a mile from the house before I broke down completely. I had to pull over for long minutes before I could stop crying enough to go anywhere else. Not that I had anywhere to go. I couldn’t face Tori, not now. She’d told me nights ago that I had to tell Cross the truth and look what had happened. Besides, I’d known better than to use my vampiric powers on my brother, and I didn’t want to see her anger when she found out what I’d done.

I drove around the city for hours, hating Nick, hating myself. From time to time I had to stop the car until I could control my tears. I’d tried so hard not to start a war between the families, but in the end that was exactly what I’d done. I told myself that I should have left, just left without telling Cross anything, but I knew that would have hurt him too.

Finally, I decided that I couldn’t let Nick be unprepared for an assault from Cross, if one was coming. I found a dark empty parking lot to park the car and dug in my purse until I found my cell phone. I dialed Nick’s number from memory and waited for him to answer. Just hearing his voice made me want to cry again and I had to take a deep breath before identifying myself.

“Carla, baby, what’s wrong?” he asked, concern evident in his voice.

God, he had to be nice, didn’t he? It was like pouring salt in an open wound. I couldn’t stop the sobs that tore through me, preventing me from answering him.

“What’s wrong?” he demanded. “Where are you?”

“I don’t know, I’ve been driving—it doesn’t matter.” What did matter was that I tell him what had happened, but I couldn’t bring myself to say the words just yet. He’d hate me too, I just knew it.

“Something happened or you wouldn’t have called me.” I could hear the effort he was making to stay calm. “You’re driving? Where are you?”

“I told you, I don’t know. I’ve been driving for, Jesus, hours,” I said after a glance at the clock on the dash. Three hours had passed since I’d fled from Cross’ house. “It doesn’t matter where I am, Nick, I—” Suddenly I couldn’t say it, couldn’t face his anger when he learned what I’d done.

“Baby, you need to calm down or you’re going to get into an accident,” he told me in a soothing voice. “I want you to pull over if you can and give me a landmark where you are. I’ll come find you.”

“I’m in a parking lot, I stopped to call you.” While a part of me appreciated the effort, he was making to calm me down, there were things I had to say before I lost my nerve. “Look, Nick, I called to tell you something, will you just listen?”

“Well, tell me then!” he demanded. “Christ, Carla, you call me, crying like this. What am I supposed to think?”

“I’m not crying,” I denied with a sob. I knew I had to say it now or I’d never get the words out. “I told Cross.” Just saying it sent me reeling again, and I closed my eyes against the pain of remembering my brother’s anger.

Nick was silent for so long I thought he’d hung up. When he did speak, his voice was very quiet and controlled. “You told Cross what?”

“Not everything, I’m not fucking stupid. I told him—” I took a deep breath to help control myself. “I told him that we were sleeping together. I didn’t want to tell him that, but—Jesus this is a big fucking mess. Look, I just wanted to warn you that he knew. Shit, he probably doesn’t even care now, but I thought you should know.”

“Oh baby,” he murmured softly. “Shit.” He seemed more concerned for me than angry or afraid of what the Cordelones might do to him or his family. With a sigh, he said, “Tell me where you are, and I’ll come to you. We need to talk.”

“And say what, that you were right?” I asked harshly. “You were, Nick. He’s everything you said he was. Does that make you happy? You were right.” As grateful as I was for the darkness that hid my tears, suddenly I didn’t want to be alone.

“That’s not it, Carla,” he said earnestly. “Baby… where are you?”

“No, we—” I began out of habit before I remembered that we had no reason to hide from Cross anymore. I looked around for landmarks and read the nearest street sign to him. “Don’t bother coming if you just want to fight, Nick. I’ve had enough of that tonight.”

“I’ll be right there.”

He hung up before I could say anything else, before I could make sure I hadn’t been followed by one of my well-intentioned bodyguards. After looking around to assure myself that hadn’t happened, I reached into the glove box for some tissue to clean the blood from my face. I couldn’t sit still any longer, I got out of the car and started pacing the lot restlessly, trying not to think about the war I’d probably caused with my stupidity.

Less than five minutes later Nick was walking toward me, concern written all over his face. Despite my initial hesitation he took me in his arms without a word and held me close. I broke down once more, sobbing on his shoulder. He whispered soft words of comfort to me until I could get a hold of myself again.

“Can you tell me what happened?” he asked when my tears had run their course.

I pulled away and took a tissue from my pocket to wipe my face. “I had to tell him something. I was going to move out, stay away from the family until I could—” I stopped myself and turned away before I finished the thought. “He wanted to know why. I didn’t want to tell him, but he’s a bright boy. He figured out it had something to do with your family and it just went downhill from there.”

Nick moved to stand in front of me again and rubbed his hands up and down my arms. “Come home with me,” he urged, leaning forward to kiss my temple. “I’ll take care of you.”

I wanted nothing more than to say yes, to loose myself in his strength, but I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. “Yeah, that’d look great. He boots me out and I go running to the nearest Luchiano. Bernardo would have a field day with that one.”

He took my face in his hands, gently urging me to look at him. “We can go back to the cabin if you want, baby.”

“I don’t know. I need to—” I closed my eyes, trying to get my head on straight. It would be so easy to do what he wanted, but easy didn’t make it right. “I should call Tori.”

“Honey, you’re out here in the middle of the night, no shoes, no coat,” he said logically, reminding me that I had left Cross’ house with nothing but my purse and the clothes on my back. “If you don’t want to come back to my place then at least let me take you back to Brieanna’s. She said it was alright.”

I looked at him in surprise at first, then suspicion. “She did? When did she say that?”

“Just a few minutes ago, she and Dylan invited me over for dinner tonight.” He looked at my face for a moment before repeating, “Let me take care of you, baby.”

I stood there, barefoot in the dark parking lot, studying his face. A part of me wondered just what the hell he thought he could get from me now. With Cross’ anger, it couldn’t be anything from the Cordelones. I didn’t know anything important about the Kindred in the city, so I couldn’t believe that was it. Finally, I told myself that I couldn’t worry about what Nick might or might not be using me for. I wasn’t in any condition to take care of myself, and we both knew it.

“Fine, but just-just until I figure out what the hell I’m doing.” I pulled the car keys from my pocket and handed them over.

He swept me up in his arms and took me around to the passenger side of the car, seeing me settled safely inside before getting into the driver’s seat. He drove without saying anything, but in streetlights he kept looking over at me as if to make sure I was all right.

We’d gone a few miles before I spoke up. “Shouldn’t you be marshaling the troops or something?”

I could feel his gaze on me as he for a long moment before he answered. “What did you tell him exactly?”

“That we were sleeping together.” I sighed in frustration. “I don’t know, exactly, I was upset. But I didn’t say anything about you coming to the house, or about the—about what you can do, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Not that I hadn’t tried to tell Cross. I knew that Nick must have done something to make it impossible for me to say the words and for that I hated him.

His breath came out in a loud rush. “And he took it about as well as I thought he would.”

“If wanting to kill you was how you thought he’d react.” I looked out the side window at the city streets. “I don’t think he’ll try it though. I don’t think he cares anymore what I do or what happens to me.”

“Why do you say that?”

I laid my head back against the seat and closed my eyes, trying very hard not to relive the moment when Cross had hit me. “I did something I shouldn’t have.”

“What was that?”

“It doesn’t matter, I just should have known better.” My voice stuck in my throat, caught on anger directed solely at myself. “I should have known better about a lot of things.” I could feel his eyes on me, but he didn’t say anything. After a few minutes of silence, I said, “For what it’s worth, I tried to talk him out of coming after you.”

I could feel the surprise in the look he gave me. “Thank you.”

“It didn’t work,” I told him, “not even—” Not even mind control had been able to stop Cross’ hatred, and now I was one of those people that he would never forgive.

“Not even what?”

I couldn’t answer him past the emptiness I felt. It took me a moment to push the grief aside enough to say anything. “He hates me.” Even to my ears my voice was low and hollow. “I think if I’d stayed, he would have destroyed me.”

“My God, baby,” he said, surprised. “I’m sorry.”

In the darkness I felt his warm hand on mine and I took it gratefully. The comfort of his touch helped me say more. “I thought he was different. I thought—I didn’t want to believe he was like the rest of you. God, I feel so stupid.” I shook my head in disgust. “But I deserved it, didn’t I? I deserved everything he said, everything—Christ, I should have—” I should have stayed there, should have let him destroy me. At least then I’d have paid for my betrayal, I wouldn’t have had to live with the knowledge that my brother hated me both for what I’d done, and for what I was.

“Try to calm down, baby.” He glanced over at me, his eyes searching my face in the dim light of passing cars. “We can talk more once we get to Brieanna’s, okay?”

“What else is there to say?”

He squeezed my hand gently. “A lot. We’ll see when we get to Brieanna’s okay? Did you want me to stop somewhere and get you anything?”

“I don’t think they sell blood at the local 7-11, babe,” I said with a harsh laugh.

His face filled with alarm. “Do you need blood?”

I smiled before I could help myself. “I’m not gonna attack you, Nick. Relax. It can wait.” I turned to look out the window once again, wondering if I’d even get a chance to hunt tonight.

“Maybe Brieanna will have something,” he suggested. He hesitated a moment before adding, “I like her, she’s nice.”

“She is.” And I was about to dump myself on her doorstep with little more than the clothes on my back. “Nick, I can’t show up at her house looking like this. Maybe I should go to Tori’s.”

“Brieanna is already worried about you,” he told me. “We’re almost there, why don’t you call Tori from there?”

“I guess.” There was nothing I could do about my shoes, but I did let go of his hand to find a brush in my purse. Lowering the visor, I opened the mirror and slid the light switch to the highest setting. Before I could do much more than notice the bruise on my face the car swerved sharply, and Nick swore.

“Carla, did he hit you?” he demanded.

“I deserved it.” My face had been sore, but I honestly hadn’t thought about it since the blow had struck. I put my hand over the area to hide it and closed my eyes for a moment as I concentrated on healing. “Don’t act so shocked, Nick. You’ve come close to doing it yourself a time or two.”

“That’s different.”

“How is that different?” I asked harshly. “I fuck you, so that would be okay, but he’s just my brother?”

The look on his face told me I was testing his temper. “God damn it, you know how to push my buttons, don’t you? That’s why it’s different. Just because you’ve pissed me off enough to want to hit you, doesn’t mean I’ve done it, does it? Cross should know better than to strike you.”

“I guess I pushed his buttons a little harder, didn’t I?” I said dryly. “I mean, really, first I tell him I’m leaving, then that I’ve been fucking you for six months, but I don’t want him to kill you or start a mob war over it, and to top it all off, I—” My voice broke and rather than explaining what had happened, I pulled the rubber band from my hair and began brushing it out. “I’m damned lucky he didn’t take my head.”

“What did you do?”

“I-I tried to talk him out of-out of doing something stupid, only I—” I winced, remembering the hate on Cross’ face. “I put something a little extra in the request. He-he knew what I was trying to do and he just... shook it off. The way he looked at me....”

“Are you saying that you tried some of your vampiric abilities on him?”

I met his shocked look with a level one of my own. “I told you I deserved it. And anyways, I’m fine, like it never happened.” I gestured toward my cheek where I knew the skin was clear and unmarked.

“That isn’t the point,” he told me irritably. “I can see where he would be angry, but I can also see why you felt you needed to do that.” After a moment, he did something I’d never heard him do before; he apologized to me. “I’m sorry you fought.”

It would have been so easy to blame him, so easy to take out my hurt and anger on this man, my enemy, but the fault in this wasn’t his, it was mine. “It’s not your fault. I mean, it kind of is, but—I should have told him the truth a long time ago.”

“I won’t say that I regret the time we’ve spent together or that I’m ready to walk away from you,” he said plainly. “I know that you love your brother, maybe he’ll cool off in a couple of days.”

I put the brush back in my purse and turned to look at him. “Would you if you were him?”

He shrugged. “I don’t have any siblings, so I can’t say for sure. Graciella and I aren’t close, but I know that you and Cross were tight. If I had someone, I was close to and they did that I would like to think I would be understanding after I calmed down.”

“He won’t.” I shook my head, knowing in my heart that Cross wasn’t one to forgive and forget. “He’s a Cordelone. Apparently, we never forgive anything.” My voice was bitter, and I knew it, but I couldn’t change the truth. Cross hated me, and he had every right to hate me.

He put his harm around my shoulders and pulled closer so he could kiss my temple. I leaned against him and put my arm across the front of his body, trying very hard not to think about how my enemy was offering me comfort when my family had tossed me out.


	37. Brieanna’s

_I’d like to read his mind_   
_But I’m frightened of the things I might find_   
_ ‘Til Tuesday - Voices Carry _

NICK CARRIED ME up the walk toward the open door where Brieanna and Dylan were waiting for us. I let him do it without protest, needing someone to be my knight in shinning armor if only for tonight. I put my arms around his neck and hid my face in his neck, hiding my shame at being in this situation.

“Why don’t you take her up to my room so she can take a shower and get ready?” Brieanna suggested.

I felt Nick nod, and he followed her through the house, up a flight of stairs and into a plush bedroom on the second floor. “Thank you,” he said as he carried me into the bathroom. “We’ll be down soon.”

“Do you have clothes for her to wear?” she asked. When Nick shook his head, she offered to lay out a few things for me to choose from.

“Thank you,” I said softly. “I’m sorry to be an imposition.”

“You’re not an imposition,” she replied as she closed the door, leaving us alone in the spacious bathroom.

Nick sat me on my feet, but kept me close to him, putting a hand beneath my chin and tilting my head back to get a good look at my face in the bright light.

“It’s all better,” I told him. “I’m all right, really.”

He kissed my cheek where the bruise had been before letting me go. “Do you want me to start the shower for you, or would you rather take a bath?”

“I’d rather take a bath, but I’m a big girl,” I replied wryly. “I can do it myself.”

Shaking his head, he went to the garden tub and turned on the water. He took his coat off and rolled up his sleeves. In short order the candles were lit, and the bubbles were bubbling beneath the flowing stream of warm water. “You can go ahead and get in,” he said as he loosened his tie.

I was a little uncomfortable undressing in front of him, even though I knew it was foolish to feel that way. Nick had seen me naked a hundred times, touched every inch of my skin. As I took off my clothes, he found a radio and tuned it to a soothing station.

The water was perfect, hot enough to warm my cold body. I let the heat sink into my skin for a few minutes before I started to wash myself off. I didn’t let myself think about last night with Donny, but I was grateful I was able to wash the remnants of our encounter from my skin.

Nick leaned against the sink and watched me. After a moment, he said, “I’ll stay here with you tonight, and I’ll be here tomorrow night when you wake up.”

“Don’t you think you should check in with your family in case Cross decides to do something stupid?” I suggested.

He smiled. “What makes you think I haven’t already?”

I shook my head at the reminder of his magic and began to wash my hair. He knelt by the tub and helped me, rinsing my hair before washing my back. There were no sexual overtones to his touch; the only thing he seemed to be offering me was comfort.

When I was done, he held a bath towel for me as I climbed from the tub and wrapped it around my body. He helped me dry off then led me into the bedroom where Brieanna had laid out two outfits on the bed. The first was a pair of slacks and a sweater, while the other was a light sundress. After looking them over, he pointed to the dress. I knew I was letting make too many choices for me, but I was tired to the bone of making my own choices. I let him choose my clothes, let him brush my hair, let him take care of me the way he wanted to.

Once I was dressed, I felt a little better, though I still felt like crying. I told him I had to talk to Tori before we went back downstairs, and he went into the bathroom to pick up and give me some privacy.

“How are you sweetie?” Tori asked pleasantly once I’d identified myself.

“Well, actually, not real well,” I admitted. “I had a talk with Cross tonight.”

“You did,” she replied carefully. “And how did that go?”

“I told him about Nick he didn’t take it well,” I told her. “I’m at Brieanna’s right now.”

“I’m sorry. I know that I advised you to tell him, but I’m sure that he’ll get over it,” she assured me.

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“Carla, he’s your brother, of course he’ll get over it,” she insisted. “I’m sure as soon as you’re able to break things off with Nick I’m sure that will help persuade him.”

“Some how I don’t think that will help,” I protested. “He was very angry, and Cross isn’t one to forgive and forget.”

“Do you need me to do anything?” she offered.

“Could you send someone over with some of my clothes?” I asked. “I really wasn’t prepared to leave the house tonight, and I hate imposing on Brieanna.”

“Of course, I can. I’ll bring them over personally,” she told me. “Did you bring anything with you or was it a hasty departure?”

Remembering just how hasty my departure had been, I started crying.

“Carla, honey, it’s going to be all right,” she soothed. “Do you want me to contact your brother about getting some things out of the house?”

I wanted her to, but Cross had been so very angry. “Maybe it would be better if you waited until tomorrow, he might calm down some before then.”

“You’re probably right, I’m sure there is nothing you’ll need tonight,” she replied. “I’ll be out in about an hour.”

After thanking her and ringing off, I turned to see Nick standing close by. He’d rolled his sleeves down and put his jacket back on, but his tie was still loose. He took some tissues from a box on the dresser and came over to wipe my face.

“Tori’s going to bring some of my things over,” I told him.

“That’s probably a good idea.” He pulled me into his arms and placed a soft kiss on my temple. “Let’s go downstairs, I know that Bri was worried about you.” When I nodded, he led the way downstairs.

We walked into the kitchen with Nick’s hand in the small of my back. Brieanna and Dylan were sitting at a bar area, and both looked up when we came in.

Dylan smiled. “Can I get anyone anything?”

Nick gave me a pointed look, which Brieanna picked up on. “Have you fed yet?” she asked.

“No,” I admitted with a tired smile. “Nick is freaking out, thinking I’m going to frenzy if I don’t feed soon.”

“That’s not true,” he denied, putting his hand a little further up on my back.

“Why don’t you come with me,” Brieanna suggested. “I’ve got stuff upstairs.”

Nick seemed a bit hesitant about letting me out of his sight, but I put a hand on his arm. “It’ll be all right, really, I’ll be right back.” I could see that he still didn’t want to let me go, but I went, feeling his hand linger on my skin as I moved away.

Brieanna led me back up to her bedroom, where there was a small refrigerator hidden in a closet. She took several blood bags from inside and handed them to me. While I preferred to drink from a glass, I had fed from bags such as these before, so I knew what to do.

“Are you sure it’s okay if I stay here?” I asked as I opened the first bag.

“Yes, I have plenty of room,” she replied with a smile. “You may stay here as long as you like.”

The blood was cold, and while it didn’t give me the same psychological effect as feeding from a human, it did fill me up. After making sure I felt better, Brieanna asked me what happened.

“I told Cross that I’ve been seeing Nick,” I replied, trying to keep my calm. “It didn’t go well, not at all. When I tried to talk him out of starting a mob war, he got very angry. He told me to get out.”

“I assume you left then, because Nick went and got you.” She looked at me, searching my face for something. “You know he was really, really worried about you.”

I looked down, unable to meet her eyes. “I know.”

“Are you going to try and talk to Cross again?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Tori’s going to call him tomorrow,” I told her.

“It sounds like he didn’t treat you very well,” she commented thoughtfully. “Do you want to go back?”

“He’s my brother,” I said, looking at her again. “I can’t blame him for being angry. I betrayed him. I slept with the enemy.”

She nodded. “Like Romeo and Juliet.”

“They both died,” I reminded her.

“You can make it work with him if you want it to,” she insisted. “Do you want it to?”

Did I? I wasn’t sure. Things were very different now than they had been when I woke up this evening. “I guess I haven’t thought about it.”

“Now that you have the chance to be with him because you’re not with your family, maybe you should think about it,” she suggested.

“Tori’s of the opinion that Cross will think better of his anger,” I replied softly.

“And when he doesn’t?” she asked sharply. “I’m not saying that Cross isn’t going to let you come back, but what if he doesn’t? You have the opportunity to be with someone who really cares for you.”

“Does he?” I replied coolly. “Or is he just using me for information on the Cordelones, or maybe the Kindred. Even if I don’t tell him anything, he can probably read minds.”

“Probably, but if he can read your mind, don’t you think he’d have gotten the information from you?” she demanded. “If that were the only reason he was with you I think he’d have taken that already. I don’t think that’s why he’s with you.”

“I suppose we’ll see, won’t we?” I asked softly. I looked down at my hands for a long moment, wondering just why Nick was still with me. I wanted to believe that he cared about me, I really did, but I just couldn’t. “Tori should be here soon. I’m not sure that she’ll appreciate Nick being here.”

“The guys can go downstairs when she gets here.” She gestured toward the door of the bedroom. “We probably should go downstairs before Nick comes looking for you.”

When we returned to the kitchen, the men were sitting at the bar drinking scotch. Brieanna walked over to Dylan and kissed him softly. “Miss me?” she asked.

“I was wondering where you were,” he grinned.

Nick was looking at me expectantly, but I wasn’t sure I was up for kisses. I walked over and sat in the chair next to him and let him take my hand.

_For now, it’s enough to know that he seems to care about me, even if he only cares about owning me. It’s not like I have anything else, is it?_


	38. Choices to Make

_You pray your dreams will leave you here_   
_But still you wake and know the truth_   
_ Evanescence - My Last Breath_

WHEN TORI RANG the door a half hour later, Dylan took Nick downstairs while Brieanna and I went to open the door. My sire had a rather large suitcase and a good-sized shopping bag in her hands. As she came through the door, she kissed both of us on the cheek. I took the suitcase from her and was surprised at how heavy it was.

“I looked over the closet and decided that there wasn’t a lot there I liked,” she told me with a smile, “so I had some things prepared and picked up.”

“You didn’t have to go through all that trouble,” I replied.

We sat the suitcase and bag at the end of the hall and went into the library to sit near the fireplace. Tori refused any refreshment as she settled into a large chair. She looked as if she was about to say something to me when she stopped and stared at my chest. “I sent that back to Nick last night,” she said in a hard voice.

I reached up and felt the necklace, which was in plain view above the neckline of the dress. I’d forgotten all about the reason I’d decided to tell Cross the truth. “I was wearing it when I woke up.”

“It just showed up out of nowhere?” Brieanna asked, sounding as confused as Tori looked. When I nodded, she added, “I guess you were meant to wear it.”

Tori gave her a cross look. “Tori doesn’t approve of my relationship with Nick,” I explained.

“Why?” Brieanna asked.

“That should be obvious,” Tori said firmly. I looked down at my lap and let her explain what it had taken me nearly six months to understand. “For many years the peace between our kind and the mafia families has been maintained by staying out of each other business. When Andrew embraced Carla, he crossed that line and put all of us in a precarious situation. If it were to become common knowledge that Carla is having a tryst with the next in line for the head of the Luchiano family, it could cause a war. That’s not what we want in the city,” she told Brieanna. “We exist by remaining along side humans, there’s no way we could remain outside of a war.”

“From what she’s said, Cross is going to start one anyway,” the girl answered.

“That may not be true,” I said softly. “I’m not sure he cares what I do anymore.”

“No, but he cares about the family,” she pointed out.

“And doesn’t need much provocation,” Tori added. “You two are novices when it comes to how the families work although you’ve been exposed them the last few years, Carla. You do intend to break it off with him, don’t you? The peace of the entire city could depend on it.”

“I’m well aware of that.” I wasn’t sure what I really wanted from Nick, but I knew I couldn’t let something I did start a mafia war, not if I could help it. “I have been trying to break it off with him for some time now. I don’t want a war any more than you do.”

“I understand that you have these personal issues that you need to deal with, but there is still stuff that needs to be dealt with as far as clan business,” she reminded me.

“I will do my job, Tori,” I said resolutely. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

She instructed me to be at her apartment at nine the next evening and brushed aside my gratitude for bringing me clothing. She also told me that she intended to call Cross first thing tomorrow evening. Brieanna and I walked her to the door and wished her goodnight.

When she’d gone, I turned to Brieanna. “You see? Even if I wanted to be with Nick, I couldn’t.”

“You can do anything you want to,” she countered.

I shook my head. “I couldn’t live with myself if I started a family war between the Luchianos and the Cordelones

“I think it’s a little too late for that.” She turned to me with a serious look on her face. “If the families are really like you see in the movies, you’re too late, war is inevitable.”

“I hope you’re wrong about that.”

She reached out to take my hand. “I think you should do whatever makes you happy and go with your heart. Otherwise you’re going to regret giving up everything that you could have had with him.”

“If our relationship starts a war, I’ll regret everything we’ve already had,” I said honestly. “I think I’m screwed no matter what happens.”

She smiled wryly. “Yeah, so you might as well go with your heart.”

“And what if I don’t have one anymore?” I asked.

“You know what I mean,” she chastised. “If you don’t have Cross anymore, you have Nick. He obviously cares and wants to be with you.”

“Yeah, that’s why I woke up to writing on the wall this evening,” I said dryly. I pulled away from her hand and took a few steps away from her.

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t get this fucking necklace off,” I said irritably, “and there was graffiti on the wall of my bedroom tonight. That’s why I told Cross; I couldn’t hide it anymore.”

“What did the graffiti say?” she asked.

I sighed. “That I hurt him, and I should stop playing games.”

She looked like she didn’t understand. “Why was it on your wall? What happened?”

“Apparently he didn’t like getting his necklace back again.”

“The necklace?” she asked, incredulously. “He wrote on your wall because of the necklace? I don’t think so. It doesn’t seem like that’s enough reason for him to react that way.”

I turned to look at her. “Nick seems like a great guy, Bri, but he’s very controlling. Believe me, it’s enough.”

Her eyes searched my face. “What are you not telling me?”

I hesitated a long moment before admitting, “I fed from Donny last night.”

“So? What else did you do?” When I looked away without answering, she said, “You slept with him didn’t you.”

“I might have.” I ran my hand through my hair. “He was drinking, one thing kind of led to another.”

She stared at me in shock. “And you thought Nick wouldn’t find out or not care?”

“I don’t believe I was thinking,” I replied sadly.

“Obviously,” she agreed quickly. “Don’t you think that would hurt his feelings?”

I looked at her again. “He doesn’t love me.”

“Has he ever said that he doesn’t?” she demanded as we heard footsteps on the stairs.

“If he loved me,” I replied coolly, “he’d have gone to Cross a long time ago and he wouldn’t be forcing me to wear this damn necklace.”

Dylan walked into the hall. “Is everything all right? I thought I heard the door.”

“Yeah, Tori just left,” she told him before turning back to me. “Maybe there’s more involved in talking to Cross than you know. Tori said there was a lot that we don’t understand. Maybe he does love you. Just because he’s never said that he does doesn’t mean that he doesn’t.”

“Maybe,” I replied, “and maybe he’s just using me.”

“I don’t think so.” She sounded angry with me, and so sure.

I just shook my head. “You don’t know him like I do.”

“Maybe you just need time to get to know him better without the threat of family and war,” she countered, “and spend some quality time together, maybe this weekend.”

“And what happens if I find that I do love him, and Cross decides to forgive me?” I demanded angrily. “What do I do then?”

“I guess you cross that bridge when you get to it,” she replied. “Looks like it’s pretty far off in the distance to me though.”

“And what do I tell Tori?” I asked. “She expects me to break it off.”

“That you’re in love with him and you don’t want to,” she said.

I shook my head. “She’s not going to listen to that.”

“If there was going to be a war it would have started already,” she pointed out. “How long have you been seeing each other, six months? If he was going to steal information from you, he would have done it. Why don’t you just give him a chance? Let that wall down that you put up around yourself and see what he has to offer? What would it hurt to try?”

“It’s not that easy,” I sighed. “I can’t go against Tori and not expect consequences.”

“Then maybe you need to sit down and talk to her and explain,” she insisted.

“You heard her,” I replied sadly. “It’s cut and dried to her.”

“But it’s not,” she persisted adamantly, “nothing is black and white, it’s all grey. There’s going to be a little line there.”

“I wish it could be that easy, Brieanna, I really do, but it’s not,” I told her. “If I defy Tori, I could lose my head.”

“It could be that easy,” she insisted. “You don’t know until you try.”

At that point Dylan was looking very uncomfortable. When he started heading for the stairs, Brieanna asked him to get Nick from downstairs.

“Are you finished discussing what you’re discussing?” he asked with a glance in my direction.

“Yeah,” she told him.

When I nodded, he went downstairs while Brieanna and I went into the great room. Nick joined us a few minutes later, explaining that Dylan was checking on Lizzie.

“Take it off, Nick,” I said firmly.

He knew exactly what I was talking about, I could see it in his eyes. He came over and took my hand. “You look tired, baby,” he said softly. “Do you need to lay down? Is everything starting to be too much for you?”

“I just want it off Nick, please,” I whispered pleadingly.

He put his hands on my shoulders and almost immediately I regretted brining up the necklace. I was tired of arguing, tired of fighting with him. I hated him forcing me to wear the necklace, but now wasn’t the time to antagonize him. If Cross had really meant what he’d said, Nick was all I had left. I let him pull me close and laid my head on his shoulder.

“I think we need to talk,” Nick told Brieanna and Dylan. “Do you mind if we go to our room?”

“Of course,” she replied. “Let me show you where it is.”

I let him guide me after her, suddenly anxious to be alone with him. There were things I needed to say, things he needed to hear.


	39. Talking Things Through

_And from the desolation_   
_Is born the seed of hope_   
_ Inkubus Sukkubus - Craft of the Wise_

ONCE WE WERE alone in the room the Brieanna had prepared for us, I went to the end of the bed and sat down. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” I told Nick in a voice that sounded tired, even to me. “Everyone else seems to know what I should do, and I’ll be damned if every single one of you isn’t right. If I don’t walk away from you, Cross will never forgive me. But then what if I do, and he still doesn’t?” I looked up at him sadly, but my voice was sure and calm. He was standing near the door listening to every word I said. “By forcing me to wear this necklace, you’re forcing me to make decisions I’m not ready for. Don’t make me do that, Nick. Don’t make me walk away from you, not yet. Please, take it off.”

“You aren’t going to walk away from me,” he stated bluntly, showing a little of his old arrogant self.

“You don’t think so?” I asked calmly. “Tori had a fit when she saw it, Nick. If, and I do mean if, I decide to keep seeing you, it must be my choice, not yours, and I won’t be able to advertise it this way. I’m not asking you to take it back, all I’m asking is that you let me wear it because I want to, not because I have to.”

He crossed his arms over his chest stubbornly “I tried that, and you sent it back, twice. And then what kind of a choice did you make last night?”

“Last night I was trying to move on with my life, to do the right thing as a Cordelone.” I shook my head, trying very hard not to think of my brother’s anger. “That doesn’t really apply any more, does it?”

Nick crossed the room to crouch down in front of me and took my hands in his. “Then leave it, baby. Leave it as a symbol of what we intend to create together.” He lifted my hands and kissed the backs of them gently.

“What if all we do is start a war?” I asked softly

“I’ll do everything I can to avoid that.”

I wasn’t sure I could believe him. “Including walk away from us, if that’s what it takes?”

His hands tightened on mine. “That won’t have to happen.”

I could see in his eyes that he didn’t want a war any more than I did, and he seemed very sure that it could be avoided. I closed my eyes and gave up, just gave up fighting him. Cross had thrown me out and Nick was all I had left. “What am I supposed to tell Tori?”

He leaned forward to give me a brief kiss. “I’m not sure. I don’t know her very well. Do you think you could convince her that we intend to be together? And that we’ll do what we can to smooth things over?”

“I don’t know, she’s pretty determined.” I knew my sire wouldn’t be easy to convince, and I was sure she wasn’t the only one. “What will your family do if we go public, Nick? How will your aunt react?”

His expression darkened for a moment, but he quickly calmed his features. “I will make her understand.” I could tell he was worried, but he seemed convinced that he could take care of it.

“Maybe-maybe we should talk to them before we make any decisions,” I told him, trying to think logically. “You talk to your aunt, and I’ll talk to Tori. I mean, as much as I’d like to believe we can have a Disney ending, that’s not likely to happen, is it? We need to be realistic about this.”

“Okay,” he said with a nod. “Tomorrow though, alright?” He let go of me and rested his hands against the outsides of my thighs. I covered one of his hands with my own and touched his face softly.

“Tomorrow.” I leaned slowly forward to kiss him, and the gentle kiss quickly turned hungry. He dropped to his knees between my parted legs and pulled me toward him until I was sitting on the edge of the bed.

His hands were on my back, pulling me even closer as I reached for his tie. He broke from the kiss and his lips moved across my jaw and down my neck, where I felt a quickening of energy when his lips brushed the necklace. I gasped and turned my head, giving him free reign to do as he pleased. I pushed his jacket off and began working on the buttons of his shirt.

He pulled the dress straps from one of my shoulders and followed it with kisses before lifting his head to look into my eyes. “We can make it, right baby?”

“Shh,” I whispered, cupping his face and running my thumb across his lips to silence him. “Tomorrow, remember?”

I kissed him again, running my hands down his chest to feel his skin, his muscles, his warmth. Our coming together was very different than any other time we’d been together. Always before sex had been intense, earth shaking even, but never had it touched my soul. He’d always made me feel human, but this time I felt loved. It was glorious, and gentle, and I wanted it to last forever.

When it was over, we laid close together with him spooned against my back, holding me. I was tired, but with the sun still down I wasn’t tired enough to sleep. His hand moved a little on my skin, caressing me softly. I laid there for a while, enjoying his closeness, his warmth, and the fact that we weren’t arguing.

After a long time, I asked, “What are you thinking?”

He hesitated for a moment before answering. “That I think I love you.”

Even before I could turn to stare at him in shock, a cell phone started ringing. It wasn’t mine. I studied his face trying to figure out if he was being serious, kind or downright mean. The phone rang again as I realized that he was serious, that he might even expect me to repeat the declaration, but I couldn’t. Right at that moment I couldn’t have said a word even if it meant becoming human again.

The phone rang again, and he closed his eyes briefly before moving off the bed to look for his jacket in the pile of clothing on the floor. A moment later he pulled his cell from a pocket and hit the appropriate button as he sat on the edge of the bed.

I could only hear his side of the conversation, but it was enough. “Hello? Aunt So—Aunt Sophia…” He listened for a long moment, and I could tell he didn’t like what he was hearing. “I’ll be over in the morning. We’ll talk about this.” This time his silence lasted longer and ended with a hard exhalation of breath. “I’ll be right there. We’ll talk about this.” He hung up the phone and looked at me over his shoulder. “I have to go.”

“Has Cross...?”

He shook his head. “I don’t think so.” Reaching again for the pile of clothing, he started to get dressed.

I lay on the bed and watched him for a minute, not sure how I felt about everything that had happened in the last few minutes. “If he has, will you call me?”

He stopped buttoning his shirt to look over at me. “I will,” he said quietly, walking to the bed and leaning over to kiss me. “Don’t worry, okay? I’ll take care of everything.”

I touched his face, wondering if he had the power to do that. “Will you come back tonight?”

He kissed me again. “Probably not. I’ll try, but don’t count on it. I need to run a little damage control.” After one last kiss he moved away to finish dressing.

I sat up on the bed holding my legs to my chest as I watched him. “Damage control?”

“My aunt is about as happy as your brother,” he admitted as he tucked in his shirt. “I need to talk to her. Explain the situation.”

“I’m sorry,” I said honestly. “I-I wish–this isn’t the way I wanted things to happen.”

He came back to the bed in stocking feet and sat next to me, reaching out to tangle his fingers in my hair and pull me toward him. “I know, baby,” he whispered just before he kissed me again. “It’s not the way I wanted them to happen either.” I could see the hunger in his eyes, his need for me, but he managed to push it away. “I have to go.”

I touched the side of his face. “I know.” I gave him one last kiss then let him go. “I have to be at Tori’s by nine tomorrow. Will I see you before I go?”

“Yes,” he smiled. “If I can’t make it back before dawn I’ll be here when you wake up.”

His smile made me feel a little better, and I smiled back. “All right.” I hesitated a moment, then said hesitantly, “Maybe-maybe you could go with me to see Tori, we could talk to her together.”

He nodded. “Are you sure? Maybe you should ask her first.”

Maybe that would be a good idea. I wasn’t sure how well Tori would take to me bringing Nick to her apartment. “Why don’t we see what your aunt says first? Then I can call Tori tomorrow night after she talks to Cross, she’s supposed to call him.”

“Sounds good.” He slipped his shoes on before coming back to the bed and pulling me to my knees. The kiss he gave me was full of promise, maybe even love. I didn’t want him to go, but I didn’t try to make him stay. “I’ll talk to you later, baby.”

I watched him walk out the door wondering if I’d ever see him again. I wondered if Sophia would somehow order him to stay away from me, or if the love he thought he felt would be strong enough to bring him back to my side.

When he was gone, I had a hard time believing I’d heard him right, that he really thought he loved me. My emotions were conflicted to say the least. Nick was my enemy, but he did things to me, for me, that no one else had ever done, or, I was sure, would ever do again. I wasn’t sure if what I felt for him was love, but we’d been given the opportunity to find out, and I was willing to give it a try.


	40. The Rest of the Story

_And now my hands cradle broken glass_   
_Of what was everything_   
_ Pearl Jam - Black _

AFTER A WHILE I got up and went through the stuff Tori brought me. Between the case and the bag was everything I’d need for nearly a week, including shoes, undergarments, make up and grooming necessities. I changed into a casual blouse and pants, then quickly made the bed before going upstairs.

Brieanna and Dylan had left me a note on the counter saying that they’d gone out for a little while, and to call if I needed something. While I was uncomfortable being in her house alone, I decided to use her library to try and get some work done.

I called Tracy, my assistant at the Excalibur, and asked her to reschedule all my appointments, saying that I was taking a leave of absence for a while and that she’d be in charge. After assuring her that she could call me if she had any questions, I hung up and checked my voice mail just to be sure nothing needed to be handled right away. I knew I’d have to resign, but I trusted Tracy and I knew she could handle taking over the department.

The next hour was filled with checking emails, making phone calls and doing what little work I could for the clan. It was difficult to stay focused, but doing my job helped keep my mind off how fucked up my life had gotten. I couldn’t do much though, all the files I needed were on the laptop still sitting in my bedroom at Cross’ house.

When I could do no more work, I made a list of the things I absolutely needed from my room. It wasn’t a long one, mostly consisting of boxes in the closet that held what little I’d kept of my mother’s things, and keepsakes I’d collected since moving to Vegas. The computer was listed, of course, and my journals, but little else.

I called Tori and asked her to check with Cross about getting my things from the house. “I-I don’t want to seem as if I’m in a hurry to get myself out of his house and his life,” I told her, “but if he gets more angry with me rather than less, there may be no further opportunity for me to get them.”

“I understand,” she replied sympathetically. “I will do what I can to smooth things over with him and I’ll ask for the most important things. Why don’t you give me the list now and I’ll see what I can do?”

I read off the list quickly while she wrote everything down. “I’d like to go to the house myself in case I’ve forgotten something, but I will of course understand if he says no. Whoever does go will need the code for the door.” After giving her that code, I added, “Could you-could you tell him that I am sorry? I honestly never mean to hurt him, it’s the last thing I’ve ever wanted to do.”

“Leave it to me,” she promised. “I’ll handle it. I don’t know what he will do, but I’m going to try to get him to at least talk to you, okay?”

“Thank you, Tori. I appreciate your help with this,” I said honestly, “although I have my doubts that Cross will talk to me.” I asked her to tell Cross that I’d spoken with Tracy about my job at the Excalibur but when I asked her if she thought I should resign right away, she advised me to wait. I thought she was being too optimistic about Cross’ willingness to forgive me, but I agreed.

Brieanna and Dylan came home soon after I hung up with Tori. I met them in the hall feeling a little self conscious that I’d been using her library without asking, but she assured me it was fine.

“Where’s Nick?” she asked.

“His aunt called,” I said in a low voice.

“That can’t be good,” she murmured. “Is he coming back?”

I shrugged. “He wasn’t sure. He said if he didn’t come back tonight, he’d be here tomorrow night.”

She studied my face for a moment. “Is everything alright?”

“That depends on what his aunt says,” I said with a sad smile. “She apparently found out about us and isn’t happy, but Nick seemed to think he could handle it.”

“Did everything go okay with you and Nick?”

“It did, I think,” I admitted. “We didn’t argue, and that’s a first for us.”

“He actually seems to care, from what I can tell,” she commented.

“You may be right,” I said softly.

She looked at me in surprise. “You weren’t of that frame of mind earlier. What happened to change your mind? We weren’t gone that long.”

“We talked.” I sighed. “I’m still not sure we got everything worked out, it depends on what he can talk Sophia into and me Tori.”

“Are you guys going to try and work things out?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “We’ll have to see how it goes; our families won’t be accepting of the relationship.”

She nodded and changed the subject. “Is your room okay down? Is there anything you need?”

“No, it’s fine,” I assured her. “Tori brought over everything I need.”

“Did you get unpacked?”

I smiled wryly. “I didn’t assume that I was moving in.”

She smiled back, but it was a friendly smile. “Do you have somewhere else to go?”

“Not really,” I said as I shook my head.”

“Then you’re staying here,” she told me firmly.

I couldn’t really argue with her. She came down to the room she’d given me and helped me put everything away. As we unpacked, I told her about my phone call with Tori and how I needed things from Cross’ house to do my work for the clan.

“Why don’t we have Nick or Dylan open a portal into the room?” she suggested.

“That’s an idea,” I said slowly, wondering if Cross had already gotten rid of my things. Normally I wouldn’t have thought that, but he’d been very angry when I left.

“If Dylan can get you in, Tori won’t have to ask Cross for your things,” she commented.

“And I’ll have the important stuff in case Cross says no,” I added.

“I’ll go talk to Dylan.” With that she went off to find him, coming back a few minutes later with him in tow.

After a bit of conversation, we agreed that Dylan would go alone, get what I needed, and return as quickly as possible. I drew a rough layout of the room and where everything I needed was at. When he left the room, Brieanna sat down on the bed while I paced nervously.

“It will be all right,” she told me. “Dylan’s good at this.”

“I’m just afraid that something’s going to go wrong,” I admitted. “Cross is a—”

I broke off as the door opened and Dylan walked into the room much earlier than we’d expected him. “I sensed someone in the room,” he told us, “so I didn’t go in.”

“Sensed,” I repeated softly. “Did you see?”

He nodded. “It was a guy, dark hair, wearing a shirt and tie, sitting on the bed, crying. I didn’t think it was a good idea to go in.”

Cross, it had to have been Cross. Once again, the pain of loss ripped through me and I found myself sitting on the bed with my face in my hands, sobbing uncontrollably. Brieanna tried to soothe me, tried to tell me that it could have been someone else, but I knew the truth. Only Cross would go into my room, no one else would dare.

“Maybe he regrets what he’s done,” she suggested softly. “Maybe you can call him.”

“I can’t,” I sobbed. “You don’t know how mad he was.”

Brieanna did her best to try and make me feel better, but there was nothing she could do. I’d brought this situation on myself, and even her suggestion that Donny try to contact Nick didn’t make me feel better, especially when it turned out that he couldn’t.

I calmed down eventually, enough to assure Brieanna that I’d be all right. I started crying again after she left and didn’t stop until dawn claimed me.


	41. Reconciliation

_Allow me to be forgiven_   
_Show me the way to let go_   
_ A Perfect Circle - Thomas_

I DON’T KNOW why I was surprised to find myself alone when the sun went down. Nick had promised that he would be there, but I should have known it had been too good to be true. There was a message on my phone, however, a halting message telling me that he’d call me later, but I knew he wouldn’t. Sophia had done what I’d finally given up doing; she’d driven Nick away from me.

Not wanting to intrude on Brieanna’s life, I left soon after eight. I drove around for a while, trying to clear my head and figure out what I was going to do now. It was clear that Nick wasn’t coming back, and if Cross wouldn’t talk to Tori, I had no where else to go.

Once I’d finally parked near Tori’s building, I tried one last time to take the necklace Nick had given me off, but I couldn’t even break the chain, no matter how hard I pulled. With a soft curse I tucked it into my shirt and went inside, riding the elevator up to Tori’s floor. One of her ghouls let me in and told me she was waiting in the living room.

I walked into the room on shaky legs, suddenly very sure that Cross wanted nothing to do with me and wouldn’t let anyone take anything of mine from the house either. I told myself it was just nerves, but it didn’t help. Feeling as if I had bats flying around in my stomach, I walked across the room to where Tori sat on a couch.

She stood with a smile as I approached her. “Hi, sweetie,” she said as she met me halfway and gave me a quick hug. “How are you?”

“Okay,” I said as I hugged her back, but I didn’t really mean it. “It was very nice of Brieanna to let me stay with her.”

She nodded and took my hand to lead me over to the couch she’d been sitting on. “Yes, it was very nice of her. I’m very glad that the two of you are becoming friends.”

“I’m hoping that having someone with a similar experience will help her adjust.” Talking about other things was helping keep me calm, but just barely.

“It will definitely help,” she said with a smile as we sat down. “Can I get you anything?”

“No, thank you.” I wanted to ask about Cross, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask. I clenched my hands nervously in my lap.

She seemed to pick up on my nervousness, even though she was quite calm, almost anticipatory. “I spoke with Cross this evening,” she began.

I nodded, not sure if I could say anything without starting to cry. She reached over and put her hand over mine as she met my gaze and smiled reassuringly. A moment later her eyes went past me, looking deeper into the apartment, and I knew someone was standing there, behind me.

For a long moment I couldn’t bring myself to look. What if it was Cross and he was still mad at me? Even if he wasn’t how could I face him after what had happened last night? And what if it wasn’t Cross, what if it were someone else? Finally, I steeled myself to turn around and follow the direction of her gaze. Cross was indeed standing near the door to the study, just inside the living room. There was a sad but determined look on his face.

Tears filled my eyes at the sadness I’d seen, and I turned quickly back toward Tori with them streaming down my cheeks. She put a comforting hand on my shoulder, but I couldn’t really feel it. All I felt was the pain I’d caused my brother.

I more felt than heard him come up beside me. Dashing my tears away, I whispered, “I’m sorry.”

He pulled me to my feet and held me against his chest. “Oh, no, honey,” he said into my hair. “I’m sorry. I was really pissed off, but that’s no excuse. Can you forgive me?”

“You were right to be angry,” I told him as I put my arms around him and tried not to cry. “I provoked you, and I never should have–I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

He pulled away and took my face in his hands. “I’ve thought about this all day and then when I talked to Tori tonight, she helped me come to a realization,” he told me. “I’m sure that you felt like you needed to do what you tried, but it took me by surprise and I just reacted. I’m very sorry that I hit you.”

“I deserved it.” I took a deep bracing breath and added, “And I understand if you can’t forgive me, about that and about....” I couldn’t do it; I couldn’t say Nick’s name. I knew it would only piss him off again.

He kissed my forehead gently. “It’s me that needs your forgiveness, Carla. I know that you intend to break it off with…” he hesitated over the name, but did say it, though I knew it took a lot, “with Nick. I understand what happened, how he made you feel.”

“It’s not important, Cross. He’s-he’s not important.” I put one hand over his on my face. “I’m so sorry, it should never have happened.”

He hugged me close once again. “We’ll get through this, okay? I promise.”

I clung to him, hoping he was right, but not so sure that he was. “I’ll make it right, Cross, I promise, I swear it.”

We stood there for a long time, holding each other tightly. Last night with Nick had been nice, but I’d known it was wrong. Being with Cross, with my family, was the right thing to do. I knew I would occasionally regret losing what I might have had with Nick, but if I’d stayed with him, I would have hated myself for losing my family, losing Cross.

After several long minutes, Cross pulled back and tried to smile. “Will you come home?”

I knew that I should say no, just until I could be sure that things were over with Nick but looking into Cross’ tired face and seeing the dark circles under his eyes, I couldn’t refuse him. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

He nodded. “The house was like a tomb today.”

He’d made it sound like he’d been home all day, which never happened. I made a mental note to ask him about it later. “You look tired, Cross. Are you okay?”

His nod and smile weren’t very convincing. “Are you okay?”

“Better.”

He took a deep breath and said, “I’d like to try talking about this all over again… if that’s okay.”

I didn’t want to talk about it, I just wanted it to be over, but at that point I’d do almost anything he asked me to. “I am sorry, Cross. I never meant to hurt you.”

“I realized that after I had a chance to calm down,” he said with a more convincing smile.

“I’m glad you did,” I told him. “I’m glad you’re here.”

He cleared his throat and glanced over at Tori before looking back at me. “What about… Nick? Did you talk to him last night?”

Remembering the time I had spent with the enemy, I couldn’t meet his eyes. “I did.”

“Everything okay there?” he asked, his voice expectant.

“I think so.” I looked up at him. “If it’s not, it will be, I promise.”

He nodded calmly. “I understand that this is something that you feel you need to handle on your own. That’s fine, but know that I will do whatever I need to in order to help you, okay?”

For a moment I wondered if he was talking about starting a war again, but this really wasn’t the time or place to ask him. “I understand.”

He hugged me and rested his chin on the top of my head. “I’m giving you the ball with this one to handle on your own. No one knows about what happened. You clean this up and I’ll give you more responsibilities, okay?” His voice was serious, more serious than I’d ever heard it.

As I hugged him back, I prayed that he wasn’t telling me to kill Nick, because I didn’t think I could do that. Part of me was amazed that he hadn’t told anyone about my affair with Nick, not even Bernardo. “I’ll take care of it, Cross, but it’s not about more responsibilities. I would totally understand if you never trusted me again. I know I have to do this because it’s the right thing to do.”

He leaned back a little and took my face in his hands. “I know it isn’t about more responsibilities, but I want you to understand that I get what a sacrifice this is for you. You’re putting the family first, over your own desires. That deserves to be rewarded.” He cleared his throat a little awkwardly. “I also want you to know that this goes against everything I’ve ever been taught. If Bernardo catches wind of this I’m going to be in the hot seat, big time.”

“Then you should tell him,” I said firmly, meaning every word. “I don’t want you in trouble because of me, Cross.”

He smiled slightly and kissed my forehead. “Frankly, I don’t want him to know about this. It would only give him more to use against you and I don’t want to deal with it.”

Bernardo didn’t really need another excuse to hate me, and I was well aware that he’d been trying to work against me with Cross. “As long as you’re sure.” I looked at Tori. “I know you wanted me to work on Clan business tonight, but can it wait a few hours? I need to get a few things from the house anyway.”

She nodded and stood to move toward us. Cross moved back a little, letting go of me but staying by my side.

“Take your time,” Tori told me. “Is there anything that I can do to help with the clan business?”

“No, thank you. I’ll be able to take care of it a little later. There’s nothing pressing.” I didn’t know how to thank her for convincing Cross to give me another chance, but I knew saying the words would be a good start. “Thank you so much, Tori.”

She smiled and leaned close to kiss my cheek. “Of course, sweetie. I’ll talk to you later.”

I returned her kiss then turned to look at Cross. Suddenly I wasn’t sure what to say. He had asked if I wanted to come home, but he’d never really said ‘let’s go home’.

He smiled as if he knew what I was thinking and put his arm around my shoulders. “Ready? We can have someone come for your car.”

“I’m ready,” I replied with a relieved smile.

We left the apartment together.


	42. Back into the Fold

_Don’t look back_   
_Don’t even bother_   
_ Garbage - 13 X Forever_

CROSS TURNED TO me in the elevator. “I am very sorry that I hit you,” he said sadly. “It won’t happen again.”

“No, I-it was my fault, I shouldn’t have–” I reached out for his hand. “I’m sorry. I swear to you that I’ll never do that again.”

He smiled. “We have a deal then, okay?”

I agreed without hesitation. To my surprise, we made it to his car without seeing a single member of the family. In all the time I’d known my brother, he’d never gone anywhere alone. “Where are your guards?”

He glanced over at me sheepishly. “I snuck out to meet Tori.”

His words stunned me. “Why did you think you had to sneak out?”

“I didn’t want anyone to know who I was meeting with,” he admitted as he started the car.

“Isn’t there someone you could have trusted not to tell anyone else? I mean, anything could have happened, Cross.”

“I’m fine,” he assured me. “I know every single side street and alley in this city. Nothing was going to happen.”

“I just-I worry about you. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to my big brother.” I tried to make light of my worry, but he was only mortal after all. It wasn’t a matter of if he would die, but when.

“Nothing is going to happen to me,” he said with an encouraging smile.

It wouldn’t if I could help it. Once again it ran through my mind that I should ghoul him, but now wasn’t the time to bring it up. “So how angry are the guys gonna be that you got away from them?”

“It will bruise their pride more than anything,” he told me. “It’ll be fine.”

I looked down at my nervously clenched hands. “What did you tell them about me not being there last night?”

“I didn’t,” he replied with a slight clenching of his jaw. “I didn’t talk to anyone.”

I studied his face in the dim light, trying to gauge his mood a little better. “Are you sure you’re all right? You look tired, have you eaten dinner?”

He glanced at me quickly before looking back at the road. “I’m fine. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

“Cross, I–” I smiled wryly. “I seem to be saying ‘I’m sorry’ a lot tonight, but I am sorry.”

He smiled and reached over to take my hand. “It’s okay. We’re done with apologies, alright? Let’s get on with things.”

“All right.” I was more than happy to put our argument behind us. “Is there anything I can help you with? You said you had a lot on your mind.”

After a moment’s hesitation, he said, “No, I don’t think so. I just really needed some time to put things into perspective and that’s where I am right now.” He glanced at me again. “Are things done with you and Luchiano?”

“It is for me,” I replied firmly. Thinking about the message Nick had left me and his absence when I’d woke up, I added, “I’m fairly certain it is for him too.”

“How certain is fairly certain?” he asked with a probing look in my direction.

I shrugged reluctantly. “Fairly. It’s hard telling with him, but his-his aunt found out, and from what I understand she wasn’t happy about the situation either. She may be able to keep him in check.” I returned his look with a steady one of my own. “I will take care of it Cross. It’s over, whether he likes it or not.”

He nodded silently, turning back to the road. We got to his house shortly afterward, where he parked the car outside the garage. The guards saw us coming, of course, and were waiting when he stepped out of the vehicle.

“Boss, where you been?” one of them called as Cross came around the car to open my door and help me out. “We were worried.”

“I’m fine,” Cross answered, taking my hand. “I had to go pick up Carla.”

“Your Uncle Bernardo is waiting,” he replied, making Cross stiffen next to me.

I closed my eyes for a moment, wishing that Bernardo had had the decency to stay away just for tonight. Determined not to let him ruin my homecoming, I squeezed Cross’ hand reassuringly. I debated going up to my room to avoid our uncle, but I didn’t want Cross to have to face him alone. We found him waiting for Cross in the living room.

“Why the hell did you go out without anyone with you?” Bernardo demanded harshly of Cross. He didn’t acknowledge my presence, which was not unusual.

“I had to pick up Carla,” Cross replied smoothly. “What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that no one knew where the hell you were,” Bernardo countered, pointing his finger at Cross. “How can we protect you if no one is with you?”

He let go of my hand and faced Bernardo without flinching. “Nothing happened.” His voice had a tone of finality to it, much like it had when I’d questioned him about going out alone.

“Good evening, Uncle Bernardo. How have you been?” I asked pleasantly, trying to draw his attention away from Cross.

He glanced at me for only a moment before looking back at my brother. “And what happened here last night? I talked to Johnny and he told me about the office.”

Cross bristled instantly. “What happens in this house is my business. Don’t overstep yourself.”

I looked at Cross in confusion, wondering what had happened to the office that would make him talk to Bernardo that way. I’d never heard him speak so harshly to his uncle.

Bernardo looked between Cross and me suspiciously. “Something is going on here and I’m not leaving until I know what it is.”

There was no chance in hell I was going to tell him the truth, but I knew there was a good chance Cross would. He and Bernardo were close, very close. To buy some time, I said to Bernardo, “Would you like a glass of wine, or some brandy perhaps?”

He gave me a harsh look. “I’m fine,” he replied through clenched teeth.

“Calm down, Bernardo,” Cross soothed. “Let’s sit down and relax. How did things go today?” Bernardo watched Cross warily as he moved to a couch and sat down. “Carla, will you pour me a drink? Scotch, please.”

I went around the corner to the bar and poured both men a drink and myself a glass of red wine while I listened to Bernardo asking why Cross had needed to get into my room last night. I wasn’t really surprised to learn that Bernardo had heard of it.

“Carla had stayed with a friend,” Cross replied. “I heard a noise and wanted to make sure everything was all right.”

“You should have had the code to begin with, Cross,” I said as I handed him his drink. “When we change the code, I’ll make sure you know what it is.”

Cross nodded. “See, it isn’t a big deal, Uncle.”

Bernardo’s eyes narrowed as he took the glass from my hand. “That doesn’t explain the condition of your office when Rick and Johnny came in.”

“I got pissed off,” Cross replied with a hard look. “Isn’t that allowed?”

He leaned back in his chair. “You must have been very pissed off. The entire room was trashed. There are still people in there putting things back together again. What pissed you off?” His eyes touched on me as if he knew Cross and I had argued.

Cross didn’t as much as glance in my direction. “It’s personal. I don’t want to talk about it.”

I sipped at my wine to hide my reaction. I didn’t like knowing that I’d made Cross so angry he’d lost control and trashed his office.

“What could be so personal that you wouldn’t want to share it with me?” Bernardo asked, sounded wounded.

“That’s between me and God,” Cross said firmly. “He is the one I will deal with for this.” He shifted on the couch and put his arm around my shoulders companionably. “I’m thinking about giving Carla more responsibilities. What do you think?”

I smiled and leaned into my brother just a little, waiting for Bernardo to explode. I hoped for a moment that Cross’ words would give him a coronary and get him out of my life, but no such luck.

Bernardo looked silently between the two of us before speaking to Cross, obviously trying to stay calm. “Nothing against her or her abilities, but don’t you think that it’s a little early for something like this? Carla’s… availability… for working is limited and we need to have people higher up that can be ready at a moment’s notice. What about bringing Joey’s son in from Chicago? He’s proved himself.”

Cross nodded. “I’ve been thinking of Joey’s boy myself. Chris is his name, isn’t it? I think we can find something for him as well. Maybe working with Stan’s crew. What do you think?”

They talked for a while about Chris and how he could fit into the organization in Vegas. Bernardo tried again to ask about what had happened to Cross’ office, but my brother refused to say. After a while he gave up and went home.

When he was gone, I sat back and drained the rest of my wine, wishing it was blood. “Maybe he’s right,” I told Cross. “I can’t do anything for the family during the day, and there are nights I have to be with the clan. Maybe working for the family is just a pipe dream. Maybe I-I should just move on, focus on the clan.”

He came to stand in front of me. “If there is one thing that I realized in the past twenty-four hours is that I need you with me. We’re family, Carla, and nothing is going to change that. The fortune of this family is locked with yours. I understand that you have to work for the vampires as well and that’s fine, but you are still an active member of this family, understood?”

I nodded, and that seemed to be enough for him. I sat with him while he ate dinner and made sure he went to bed soon after. He had insisted that I stay out of the study and I respected his wishes mostly because I didn’t want to see the evidence of how angry I’d made him.

“It sounds all too easy,” Brieanna said when I called her later to give her the news.

“Yes, but I’m not looking the gift horse in the mouth,” I replied.

“So, where did his change of heart come from?” she asked.

“I’m not sure if he thought about things or if it was something Tori said,” I told her, “but he changed his mind and I’m not going to argue with that. I want to thank you again for letting me stay with you.”

“It was no problem,” she replied honestly. “Just out of curiosity, what are you going to do about Nick?”

“It’s over, Brieanna,” I said sadly. “As nice as it might have been, it’s not going to happen, not now. I’m pretty sure he had second thoughts after he talked to Sophia, and I-well, I made my choice when I came back home.”


	43. The Opening

_You don’t know what it’s like_   
_To be there when it’s over_   
_ BBMak - The Beginning_

SEVERAL NIGHTS PASSED with no contact from Nick and I was sure there wouldn’t be any. I tried not to be upset about it, but it hurt more than I thought it would. Now that it was way too late for us, I finally admitted to myself that I really had loved him.

Cross was very busy for the next few weeks and I only saw him in passing. When I did see him, he was very interested in where I was going and what I was doing. I understood that he was being a bit protective since he’d finally called off my bodyguards, so I was as honest with him as I could be without giving away clan secrets.

Tori mentioned that Cross had called her several times during the weeks after my return home. He’d been interested in my progress as far as clan concerns went and she assured him that I was doing well. She wanted me to spend more time with her and made sure that my duties didn’t overburden me. I took on more of an advisory role in many projects, which freed up a lot of my time.

Together Tori and I visited several Magi in the area in the hopes of removing the necklace Nick had given me, but we had no luck. Everyone I talked to swore there was no way to remove it, even told me I was lucky to have the protection the gem offered me. I’d much rather have given it away, but once again, Nick won out.

Brieanna set up her first show in Vegas at the Venetian, with a variety of paintings and sculptures from local artists. Somehow Caitlyn Rose even talked her sire into entering several paintings into the exhibit. Brieanna worked hard pulling everything together, and when the invitations arrived, Cross agreed to accompany me.

Nick was talking to Brieanna when we walked in. I knew that Cross saw him when he went stiff beside me and his hand froze on the small of my back.

“Are you okay?” he asked me as his eyes scanned the crowd.

I tore my gaze away from Brieanna and Nick to look up at him. “Yes, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Just checking,” he told me.

“Perhaps we should say hello to Tori,” I suggested. I’d seen my sire across the room, and right now I needed to be as far away from Nick as possible.

Nearly an hour later, Brieanna, Donny and I were speaking to one of the local artists when I heard Nick’s voice echoing through my mind. _You look good tonight, baby._

I looked around and found him standing not so very far away, watching me. For the space of a mortal’s heartbeat I longed to go to him, needed to touch his face and feel the warmth of his skin beneath my fingers. I wanted to look into his eyes and see if love was shinning there.

Laughter fell like cold rain from the balcony above and I glanced up to see Graciella Luchiano looking down at me holding a glass of wine. She tipped her glass toward me in a toast and took a long drink before her laughter rung out again.

My mind went back to the last time I’d heard that laugh, the first time I’d ever seen Graciella. Donny and I had been at the Hard Rock Café with Brieanna and her friends when she’d pointed the girl out to me, sitting like a princess amid her subjects.

A few minutes after I’d noticed Nick’s cousin, the waitress had come over with a tray of shots that she distributed among us. “A round of ‘Dazzling Diamonds’ for everyone,” she said as she sat the last glass down in front of me.

Diamonds. There was only one table in the room that drinks with that name could have come from, only one woman with the balls to send that message.

The others had picked up their drinks and downed them quickly while I sat there looking at my shot glass. A look in Graciella’s direction showed that she was watching me, waiting for my reaction. I could have let her see just how much Nick’s thoughtlessness had hurt me, or I could pretend that he meant nothing to me. I picked up the glass and forced a smile, lifting it a bit toward her in a toast before downing the liquid in one gulp. Graciella’s laughter had rung through the room, driving shards of pain through my heart that I’d taken great pains to hide from everyone.

I looked back at Nick with the memory fresh in my mind, the pain just as piercing as it had been that night. He had reduced our relationship to a family joke. What hurt the most was remembering how badly I’d wanted to trust him, how much I’d wanted to believe that he could love me. Graciella had shown me the truth, had proved to me exactly how little Nick had cared for me, and for that I owed her my gratitude.

Something like pain flashed in his eyes, but nothing he did could ever erase the pain of his lies.

_I’m sorry, baby,_ I heard in my mind.

He was sorry. I was sorry. Sorry didn’t mean anything to me anymore. Cross couldn’t keep me warm at night, but I knew he would never hurt me the way that Nick had hurt me. I’d made my choice between love and family long before I’d known that there was no choice to be made.

I turned away and concentrated on picking up the thread of the conversation that had gone on without me, very much like I was trying to pick up the threads of my life.

**Author's Note:**

> My gaming group has always played fast and loose with the White Wolf rules, including lots of things we see in various TV shows, movies and books. We were playing mostly in the late 1990s and early 2000s so we use/used the editions available at that time. 
> 
> We also threw all the 'By Night' rules out of the window and created our own rulers in our cities. Some of the cannon White Wolf characters may show up from time to time, but don't expect them to be like the books. 
> 
> I'll be separating these stories both by character and by city, so some stories may be listed under multiple Series under my profile here on AO3. 
> 
> If you're interested in learning more about our world 'After Dark' please visit my website at www.whendarknessfalls.net.


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